Will you ever just fuck off!

[MMfanalltheway]

That's what my father said to me a couple of hours ago. I questioned him comparing me to animals.
It was said coldly and in a sinister way. Will you ever just fuck off.
So I will. But I'm so upset.

Did he apologise for the cattle comment? How long ago did he say that? It’s not right at all but I wonder if this was a long time ago and he’s fed up with it being mentioned? Clutching at straws!!

Context is everything here OP. Is language like this normal in your family? I noticed you called yourself a c*nt.
You're obviously upset by it. Can you distance yourself from him? If he continues like that, he's going to be a lonely old man.

I think going no contact is a bit extreme. Context is everything here as everyone is saying, it appears, and I could be wrong, the op hasn’t been pregant for some considerable time, so was potentially mithering him about a stupid comment ages ago and he lost his temper. It’s not ok, but we have all snapped and told someone to fuck off st some point. Well most of us have,

Your father is a emotionally abusive Arsehole

Just cause he is father and family it does not make what he said to you OK !

Its not Acceptable And definitely not Ok to speak to you like this !

There is No excuses.

You Would Not be expected to Accept this kind of attitude /behaviour from a male friend or a Partner,

So why would you put up/accept this from him op.!

My dad told me to piss off for the first time when he was in early stage Alzheimer’s. Is this possible?

Oh some of these comments, clearly everyone is fabulous.

I will fully admit at times in my life my husband has royally pissed me off and I’ve told him to go fuck himself. He’d laugh in your face if someone told him I was emotionally abusive snd he should go no contact with me.

Is it right no, but sometimes someone can mither on ans annoy the living shit out of you and you snap and tell them to fuck off.

Of course it's not normal

Do you live with him, if not then simply leave and never speak to him again, don't go round, block in on your phone and email. Just because he happens to be related to you doesn't give him the right to talk to you like that.

Jesus we know literally one sentence the guy said, which was a rude version of please shut up, how the hell can you conclude you know he’s an abuser, no contact is the only answer, yada yada?!?!

What actually happened?

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

Jesus we know literally one sentence the guy said, which was a rude version of please shut up, how the hell can you conclude you know he’s an abuser, no contact is the only answer, yada yada?!?!

What actually happened?

This! We know absolutely nothing about what was said other than this one sentence.

It looks like OP has f’ed off though 🤷🏻‍♀️

Depends if this is normal behaviour? If not then perhaps you need to discuss when you have both calmed down. If it is then you don't have to be in touch with someone just because they are family

The last words my dad said to me were...quote..."I wish you a early horrible death"...cut him out my life immediately...that was 23 years ago xx

No. It's not ok. It's not ok for anyone to speak to you like that. Least of all your parent.

That should be your starting point and your bottom line.

Is there anyone who can support you going no contact with him? Are you ready to fuck off and cleanse your life of him?

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

Jesus we know literally one sentence the guy said, which was a rude version of please shut up, how the hell can you conclude you know he’s an abuser, no contact is the only answer, yada yada?!?!

What actually happened?

Because it's abusive to speak to someone like that. End of. Whether people are prepared to put up with that for whatever reason doesn't stop it from being abusive.

Besides we know two things he said. One that he compared her to cattle when she was pregnant and the other than he told her to fuck off. Both are verbally abusive. If you speak that way to a colleague it would be taken further. Between family members makes it no more acceptable.

@BonnesVacances we know that he told her to shut the fuck up or some variant of that. Saying this once does not make a person abusive unless there is background and other behaviours. I think basically everyone has said this?!

We know there was some sort of comment at some point related to a cow. We have zero idea what was said, the context or background. I can think of multiple things that could be said that would fit this criteria that could be both seemingly perfectly reasonable to a bit of a not clued up older man, and ridiculously insulting to someone breastfeeding. I would say a substantial proportion of older men will make tactless comments like this while having no intention of being insulting or hurtful.

Because it's abusive to speak to someone like that. End of. Whether people are prepared to put up with that for whatever reason doesn't stop it from being abusive.

No. It isn't 'abusive'. It is rude and offensive.

There has to be a distinction, or you are trivialising real abuse.

I agree @Haffiana, it’s insulting to abused people to say that. If a teenager told you to shut the fuck up they’d be a little shit, and if there was a history of this they might have behaviour problems. But to assume from one comment once with no context that they are an abuser is mental!!

“Abuse” is not “someone swore at me once.” For all we know OP could be being abused, but how could you tell from just one comment once (when it’s not threatening)?

@Haffiana

Because it's abusive to speak to someone like that. End of. Whether people are prepared to put up with that for whatever reason doesn't stop it from being abusive.

No. It isn't 'abusive'. It is rude and offensive.

There has to be a distinction, or you are trivialising real abuse.

Maybe. But my Dad spoke to me like that and he was verbally abusive. And I put up with it for years believing he was just rude and bad-tempered.

Parents don't speak to their children in a cold and sinister way. Hey! Maybe some do. But they shouldn't. And I think it's more than just being rude and offensive.

I hit the unfortunate branch on the way down to this planet in terms of my parents.
No, I wouldn't say that he's typically abusive, but he has form for this sort of thing on occasion. It's a deal breaker for me though, so HE can just fuck off.

The comment about cattle was when I was pregnant, he told me that I should be exercising as cattle who are moved around a lot have easier labours/births (he's a vet) compared to cattle kept in a shed or some such nonsense. I of course, took this quite literally at the time and possibly over exerted myself. I had a placental abruption and in a way wonder whether the over exertion was the reason for the abruption.

In any case the conversation yesterday was more or less me being annoyed with him for constantly giving me 'advice' based on bloody animals!! Oh he had plenty to say about breastfeeding at the time too. Apparently calves thrive better when they're weaned and on calf nuts or something (can't remember). But being compared to bloody animals permanently is a bit debasing. Yesterday I was more telling him to stop with his 'advice' on what I should be doing and to just listen to me rather than him saying anything specifically related to animals yesterday. I was just telling him, that sometimes his advice can be wrong.

As for this comment from Heathins It looks like OP has f’ed off though 🤷🏻‍♀️ Apologies for not replying during the night or earlier this morning, or within an appropriate timeframe. I had a few calves to suckle.

Oh, he's a vet. That is context.

You do sound extremely angry. If you think he's cold then just stop bothering with him. It doesn't sound a joyous relationship for either of you. It doesn't mean that you don't love each other though, just that you don't get on. It happens.

I think you could have put that latest information in your first post, it would have saved the hand-wringing posters a job.

I was estranged from my father, it hurt for a bit and then didn't. It's your choice.

Yes, to be honest, I find the relationship a bit toxic, so I will not miss interaction with him. He can be an ass at times (bet he wouldn't like that comparison).

He's only 70, in good health, still working. I don't think he has dementia or similar. He just has to give advice all the time. I suppose he's one of life's 'fixers'. He always has to tell me what to do, rather than realising that sometimes I quite simply want a rant!

If you dont want a relationship with him then dont have one but I think your outrage about the cattle anecdotes is ott and suggesting it was his fault that you had a placental abruption is downright mean. I was also told to keep moving in late pregnancy to help get the baby in the correct position (didnt work). It's standard advice.

And actually ranting at people is pretty toxic behaviour. Maybe he doesnt want to hear it?