Will you ever just fuck off!

[MMfanalltheway]

That's what my father said to me a couple of hours ago. I questioned him comparing me to animals.
It was said coldly and in a sinister way. Will you ever just fuck off.
So I will. But I'm so upset.

You're actually suggesting that it's his fault that you had a placental abruption?

You're OTT about the cattle comparison too. But doesn't sound like you like him much so probably best not to see him.

If you’re genuinely upset about the cow thing then you are being totally ridiculous. But it doesn’t sound like that is what you are actually upset about.

Also I really don’t think it’s fair to blame what happened there on him, it doesn’t sound like it had anything to do with him.

Based on the update, it sounds like you're both just a bit irritated by eachother.
His response sounds like he'd probably have some pretty lengthy complaints about you too.
If you don't want to see him the don't. With context it doesn't sound like he was being as horrendous as it initially came across.

You come across a bit abrasive OP. And maybe your dad is too. Sounds like you clash and your relationship is a bit toxic (on both sides. I think you should limit contact because it'll be better for both of you.

6 of one and half a dozen of the other.

I'd also add the way you framed your original post was misleading and that was probably intentional. I think you should get some counselling.

It's hard growing up with a medical or high achieving parent. I understand.

They are always seen as 'beyond reproach' and the 'good person', but the truth is they are not perfect they do get things wrong, they are human.

But you don't need to twist stories by omission and you don't need to keep reminding them of a big historical 'wrong'.

It's a vicious cycle, the more you go to the extreme to show they're not the 'hero, the more petty you will look and the more you will look like the villain.

You're 40 and a parent in your own right but you sound like a petulant rebellious teenager. Your thread comes across like: "See my dad isn't always right and he's soooo annoying" and you've been rude to other posters.

So yes, reduce contact, but not because your dad is some abusive twat villain. You need some time apart so that you gain some independence and maturity for yourself and be ready for a healthy adult relationship with your dad.

I cannot imagine any circumstances in which I (or my DH) would ever say those words to my adult daughter.

OP - what's your relationship like with your DM?

It's not a nice thing to say, but perhaps you just irritate each other and say things without giving it much thought.
You come across snippy on this thread tbh.

@MMfanalltheway

Please tell me that it's not normal for your father to tell you to fuck off? Or am I a cunt who deserves it?

🙄

I agree with @Ihopeyourcakeisshit - he sounds obsessed with his work, you sound angry and snippy and need validation, hence the way you worded your thread. You are probably irritating each other.

The fact that he’s a vet changes everything. Would you have been offended with the advice if he was a doctor? Because wits basically the same. Based on over 40 years experience of observing pregnant mammals, he gave you the benefit of his experience. How many years ago was this pregnancy? If it’s less than 1, yanbu to bring it up. It’s it’s more than 1, you should probably just move on and drop the subject.

Snippy?
Where?

Yes, he irritates me because he knows it all. You can't just moan. He has to tell you how to resolve the issue or what he would do. Sometimes I don't want to be TOLD like I'm 2, what to do.

he told me that I should be exercising as cattle who are moved around a lot have easier labours/births (he's a vet) compared to cattle kept in a shed or some such nonsense. I of course, took this quite literally at the time and possibly over exerted myself. I had a placental abruption and in a way wonder whether the over exertion was the reason for the abruption

firstly, he wasn’t talking ‘nonsense’. We’re also mammals and the official advice IS to keep as active as possible so that you’ll be fit and ready for labour. Also helps get the baby into a good position for a quicker/ easier delivery. Did you go to any antenatal classes? Or read any books about pregnancy?

my main point though is that I REALLY hope you didn’t tell him you blame him for the abruption, whether outright or implied. That’s not only cruel, it’s ridiculous. What a thing to tell someone!

asking ‘AIBU or am i a cunt who deserves this’ is a great way of manipulating people’s replies, I’ll give you that!

@AgentProvocateur

The fact that he’s a vet changes everything. Would you have been offended with the advice if he was a doctor? Because wits basically the same. Based on over 40 years experience of observing pregnant mammals, he gave you the benefit of his experience. How many years ago was this pregnancy? If it’s less than 1, yanbu to bring it up. It’s it’s more than 1, you should probably just move on and drop the subject.

GP also of the same generation, annoyed me similarly in the same pregnancy by telling me that baby was head down and my stomach muscles were good and firm, so baby wouldn't turn breach! I don't know why it annoys me, but doctors/father being so bloody clinical about things makes me feel like an object.

Might just be my own particular issue.

My parents are separated and my relationship with my mother is ok - not close, but I'd certainly go to her with medical queries rather than to my Dad!!!!!

Why rant to him then OP, surely you have other people to vent to??

Of course you can moan, just not to him. As you said, he's a fixer and clearly you were annoying the hell out of him.

Ok with your most recent post you are the issue.

He just happened to have called while I was annoyed!!

This thread is kind of the way the conversation with my father went. I wanted to moan, he had to tell me what I was doing wrong. I told him where he was going wrong and then he tells me to fuck off.

Who is going to tell who to fuck off first on this thread?

He sounds horrid. But then, your own language leaves a lot to be desired.

@SkedaddIe

I'd also add the way you framed your original post was misleading and that was probably intentional. I think you should get some counselling.

It's hard growing up with a medical or high achieving parent. I understand.

They are always seen as 'beyond reproach' and the 'good person', but the truth is they are not perfect they do get things wrong, they are human.

But you don't need to twist stories by omission and you don't need to keep reminding them of a big historical 'wrong'.

It's a vicious cycle, the more you go to the extreme to show they're not the 'hero, the more petty you will look and the more you will look like the villain.

You're 40 and a parent in your own right but you sound like a petulant rebellious teenager. Your thread comes across like: "See my dad isn't always right and he's soooo annoying" and you've been rude to other posters.

So yes, reduce contact, but not because your dad is some abusive twat villain. You need some time apart so that you gain some independence and maturity for yourself and be ready for a healthy adult relationship with your dad.

I agree with all of this.

You sound very hard work and whilst my dad would never use that language I can imagine why yours did!

I think I might be Team Dad

You sound very hard work and whilst my dad would never use that language I can imagine why yours did!

That's like saying, I can see why your husband slapped you around a bit - you are annoying. Nice work.

I'm getting Mr Angry from Purley vibes from your posts.

@LemonadeBudget

I think I might be Team Dad

Funny how you all can see his point of view now that you know his job. Lol Ok to tell your daughter to Fuck off if you've a well respected profession.