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Original poster

Slept without colleague... how to make it fwb?

197 replies

OopsIDidItAgain123 · 04/03/2021 19:51

Ok so I’ve Namechanged for this because on my
‘Normal’ username I’ve mentioned my job in posts (not hugely unique but still!).
In January I slept with a very senior colleague- 30 years older than me (55 years old) and well known as a flirt/ladies man. He always went out of his way to say hello, speak and walk with me whenever he saw me. Just before Christmas he asked for my number in front of his juniors.

We text for a few weeks (he was out of the country) and then in the day he returned, I went to his house for wine. Obviously this ended in us shagging- he was amazingly gifted at oral sex and probably the best I’ve ever been with! We did it again in the morning too, he then hugged me on his doorstep and thanked me for a very nice night.
I am under no illusions- he openly told me he hasn’t had a relationship or girlfriend in 30 years, since he was 25! He doesn’t commit.
A few days after shagging he text me asking how I was and we shared a joke about his hundreds of calls being one way to exercise his tongue...
Anyway, two weeks ago I messaged again asking if he would like to do wine again (we are both single adult households) and he said sure, I can’t do tonight but next weekend? He needed to catch up on sleep apparently after a few very intense days. I found this a bit odd as he previously did wine/a shag the day of landing back in the U.K.! Then he checked again that I could do the following Saturday- I agreed and he said this was perfect. We didn’t message at all after that- that Saturday came and we didn’t message one another at all so the second meeting never happened! I am quite stubborn and believed if he wanted to he would have messaged me asking a time/place. Also, I wasn’t quite sure about him being tired the previous weekend.
Now I would really like to sleep with him again as FWB! Our night together was in January so even as a commitmentphobe, I doubt he could consider me as clingy! We haven’t seen eachother at work since due to our rotas.
Would it be desperate to text asking if we were doing wine this weekend perhaps? The conversation was left 2 weeks ago with him saying he would sleep for rest and I sent a wink face. I just want him as a casual thing!

OP posts:
Whoknows77886 · 05/03/2021 00:25

@Springsnake stupid comment.

HoldontoOneMoreDay · 05/03/2021 00:43

The pre-porn generation are actually quite good at women-focused sex. Doesn't mean they aren't dicks though.

Cuppaza · 05/03/2021 00:53

I’m cringing for the OP.
Another one bites the dust.

LBXXX · 05/03/2021 01:11

He’s had his taste of you and now he’s onto the next one

Come on OP there’s a reason he’s as good as he is and he also sounds very clever, he knows women and knows that if this becomes regular it could get messy both in work and outside of work.

It was a night of passion and that’s all it will stay I’m afraid.

Credit to the man he’s wise and knows exactly how not to blur the lines unlike younger men these days

hannayeah · 05/03/2021 01:35

You get that by participating in this thing where he asked for your number in front of his staff you are complicit in sexual harassment, right?

blueshoes · 05/03/2021 01:45

So pre-oral sex, what was it that you found attractive about Mr old dick-55. This sounds like a cliche.

CandyLeBonBon · 05/03/2021 01:49

Oh ffs. Of course this happened.

LBXXX · 05/03/2021 02:10

@hannayeah

You get that by participating in this thing where he asked for your number in front of his staff you are complicit in sexual harassment, right?
Oh come on she wanted it and so did he you’re really reaching with that comment
WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 05/03/2021 02:20

@Springsnake

So he’s older than 50 ? Meh Probably only needs sex once or twice a year ,probably took viagra when you weren’t looking
🤣🤣🤣🤣you've got a lot to learn.
WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 05/03/2021 02:24

@hannayeah

You get that by participating in this thing where he asked for your number in front of his staff you are complicit in sexual harassment, right?
Oh for the love of fuck.
CatAndHisKit · 05/03/2021 02:33

He might be thinking you might want something else. If he is so good and that is what you want there is absolutely no need to sit and wait until he calls you. Tell him explicitly you enjoyed it and love to do it again with no strings of any kind attached. If he turns you down at least you can move on rather than guess

Meeting once a week is too involved for this kind of man. You suggested meeting again too soon - alarm bells for him, I might work if you spell it out as pp advises.

Neonlightning · 05/03/2021 02:38

All I can advise is don't shit where you eat.

Sexual relationships within the workplace, especially with a senior colleague are a really bad idea. You have no idea what he may say about you, and how that could impact your future career at the company. In an ideal world of course this wouldn't matter, but in the real world it does.

Jump on Tinder and change your age range to older; I'm sure you'll find someone else!

1forAll74 · 05/03/2021 02:39

You have already mentioned that this experienced man of oral,is a flirt and a ladies man (ladies meaning lots of), and his tiredness at times,is probably due to his many, and varied women dates.

Gwegowygwiggs · 05/03/2021 02:41

@hannayeah

You get that by participating in this thing where he asked for your number in front of his staff you are complicit in sexual harassment, right?
Hahahahahahahahaha OH GIVE OVER
RAOK · 05/03/2021 02:48

You deserve so much more than this. Don’t put your job at any more risk and get an STI test as others have said. Plenty of guys are amazing at sex, he’s not some rare find.

hannayeah · 05/03/2021 04:01

Making other people uncomfortable with your sexual nonsense at work qualifies actionable behavior in many normal workplaces. It’s him getting off on forcing his staff to witness him flirting at work and her enjoying it and encouraging it.

No one else likes being the audience for that shit, I promise and by putting them in that situation (where he has power over them and they don’t feel they can say anything about his inappropriate behavior) he’s creating an unpleasant environment.

Harassment is the wrong term, but it’s definitely not ok in a professional environment.

They are both gross.

Lovelydiscusfish · 05/03/2021 04:51

OP do you generally want a FWB because you don’t want commitment yourself right now, or is it just that you would be willing to compromise in this way to get more sex with this man? Not judging you either way, but it’s an important question to ask yourself I think. If the latter, I’d say that indicates you have started to develop feelings (a crush at least), so casually shagging him is liable to mess with your head.

If you definitely do want to go for it I think you would be fine to spell out to him that you aren’t looking for any form of commitment - probably the only way you’ll get more sex from a man like this. (And even then it may not work - maybe he only ever does ONS).

As a PP suggested, if older men appeal to you, why not hop on Tinder. I like older men too so set my age range up to 60 - chatted to lots of nice seeming, attractive (to me) men in their 50s, who may well have been great at sex. (Tho I never found out as in the end I picked one closer to my age). But certainly got lots of interest on their from older guys, and I’m a fair bit older myself than you!

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/03/2021 06:08

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Just before Christmas he asked for my number in front of his juniors.

Ugh this made me entire body cringe and my vagina shut itself.

This is one of the most entitled things I've ever heard about a workplace.

He put you in that position not necessarily because he just felt cocky enough that you would say yes out of him being an Adonis but also because he thought a much more junior colleague would feel obliged to say yes if he asked in front of people. He's fucking rank mate.

Decent 55 year old men don't do that and shag their 25 year old junior colleagues. Seriously. They don't.

That's not me infantilising you, it's me pointing out how staggeringly entitled and unprofessional he is.

If this all went to shit and ended up causing friction and issues at work, guess who would be managed out of the company / made to feel shit and embarrassed? Spoiler alert: not him.

Don't shag people from work, especially if they are much more senior and arrogant as fuck.

Asking you out like that was a power play to raise his chances. Grim, grim, grim.

This. When you get to 50 or maybe before, you’ll realise just how much of a cocky prick this man is.

I used to like older men when I was young because they knew how to talk to me with my daddy issues.... not that I realised I had daddy issues at the time. Without fail, every time I discovered they were attached. Didn’t stop them. Imo they try it on with all young women. The more naive and vulnerable ones say yes. I was naive and vulnerable.

ShapeShiftedForThis · 05/03/2021 06:22

So, he was 30, when you were born.

Ick.

Have a look to see if he has a tin of Smints on him. They are blue on one side and white on the other. Swapping them for Viagra is an old trick.

peak2021 · 05/03/2021 06:47

Just don't. Enjoy the memory, at least he did not pretend to be looking for anything other than a ONS.

SooMoony · 05/03/2021 06:58

You're going to have to accept this was a ONS and it will not transfer into a FWB situation. You've suggested another meeting, he didn't pursue the idea, he's done with you. Don't humiliate yourself by messaging him again.

Behave in a completely professional way with him - friendly, courteous, nothing more. Workplace affairs are very common and I would imagine you are one in a long line of junior colleagues he has taken to bed at some stage.

QuidditchQueen · 05/03/2021 07:06

Being blunt he a) wanted to see what you looked like naked, b) experience what it would be like making love to you and c) see if he could make you orgasm. He's done all those things now. Why isn't he eager to back? You might as well ask why Sir Edmund Hilary went and climbed a new mountain and not Everest again.
This is a really interesting point.

Mango101 · 05/03/2021 07:08

@Shrivelled

I don’t know why some posters are being harsh. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong, no one will be laughing at you. It sounds like this guy used his position of power to come onto you and to ask for your number in front of other junior colleagues is really unprofessional and creepy. Agree with others it’s time to move on but you haven’t done anything you should be in any way ashamed of.
Have't they - hooking up with random people at the height of the pandemic isn't really in the spirit of bubbling ?
Lovemusic33 · 05/03/2021 07:34

I had fling with a older man when I left Dh, the man was 51 and I was 32, he hadn’t been in a relationship for many years, he was great in bed and before I knew it I developed some feelings for him (probably more lust for the good sex) but when I suggested seeing him more often he totally blew me off and made it clear he didn’t want anything serious, he basically wanted everything on his terms and wanted to be able to call me up when he wanted a shag but not the other way round. I walked away as there was no way I was going to just appear when he wanted me too. This was 9 years ago, he’s still single and much older 😂😂, I don’t think I would even be attracted to him now. Oh....and there are plenty of other men out there who are good in bed.

Tell him to get lost x

Sproutpie · 05/03/2021 07:40

Neither of you has done anything wrong. You were both consenting. He led the whole thing by getting your number. He saw what he wanted, he went for it and he got it. You in turn got what you wanted. It was a moment that has now gone. If after carefully thinking about it you really do want another moment then you should play it cool. My guess is he’ll like the challenge. If I’m wrong and he doesn’t then you’ve lost nothing and kept most of your dignity in tact. If I were you the very first thing I’d be doing is getting myself checked for STI’S. if you are going to play the FWB game please play it safely. To be honest it doesn’t sound like the game for you.

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