How much did he/should he spend on your engagement ring?

[BlingRing1]

Just curious what everyone's thoughts are nowadays? I've heard of the '3 month's salary rule' (although i also heard it was 2 months and 1 month, so who knows!), but that's from a long time ago. Is it still relevant now? If not then what is better?

How much did he spend (either in £ or relative to salary)? Was it more or less than you thought/hoped he would?

Does it matter to you (honestly!)? Should it matter?

My engagement ring was a months salary, I no longer own it, I sold it after the divorce. If I got engaged to DP now I’d be happy with anything or no ring. All this stuff about it does matter because it lets you know how much he values you / the relationship etc doesn’t make sense to me - surely there would be plenty of other signs in your relationship, it’s not like the cheap shit engagement ring would be the first ever clue (and then it if was and the rest of the relationship is perfect, does it matter?!) also, the reverse isn’t true - someone who is prepared to spend ££ is not a sure thing as a life partner!

That’s not to undermine those situations where the gift of a ring is reflective of the person buying it and their thought and consideration - like the PP whose husband bought the more expensive ring as a gift, it’s the sort of thing I can imagine DP doing because that’s how he is - but I know what sort of person he is without that!

I’m in my early 40s and in a circle of friends with a number of ended marriages between us and we had all sorts of different lovely weddings, many of them pretty expensive and none of it really means anything. You can’t tell how much a person values you by how much they’re prepared to spend.

There is nothing grabby about wanting an engagement ring in my view.
My ex husband didn't get me one before the wedding because he never had any money but always promised he would get a nice one and Id have it for a special anniversary, I waited 20 years while he bought himself motorbikes, cars etc. It was a sign of how selfish he was. Didn't get any birthday or christmas presents either.
If another man wants me, unlikely at 60 he can produce an engagement ring first

I don't know what mine cost and I don't want to know. My friend immediately asked what it cost and all about the diamond. She was most annoyed that I didn't know and I don't want to know. She even searched on line to see if she could find out! All I know is I loved it - I still do. He paid what he thought was a good price for a great ring after hours of research.

I know how much mine cost because i found the receipt years later. It was £4k. I can't remember what that would have been in terms of salary % but it was around 15 years ago now. It's nothing flash either just a small smart second hand diamond ring. I love it.

Don't have an engagement ring, load of outdated patriarchal bollocks in my view. We decided together to get married like adults not some daft proposal and him then spending 3x or whatever of our family money. We made our wedding rings ourselves with a local jeweler less than £400 for both. Very happily married.

I think mine was £350 in 1994 which was about 3 days' pay for DH in those days. I'd have been gutted if he'd wasted 3 months' salary on a ring. Far rather spend it on going travelling or a house deposit.

Mine cost nothing. Dh proposed completely spontaneously whilst on a drunken night out and so in all it was a completely unromantic experience for me. I wore a family heirloom as a symbol of our engagement which he put on my finger the following evening when we'd sobered up.

Dh and I like the good things in life. We spend most of our disposable money on our children's enrichment, furnishing and improving our home, quality food, good wine, classic clothes etc but I'd like to think we've on the whole spent and invested wisely. A flash £3000+ engagement ring would be as alien a purchase to us as a brand new Porsche.

And 3 x Dh's salary would be ridiculous! I'd kill him if he spent that much.

Mine was £1000 35 years ago. Think my husband earnt about £5,000 a year at the time.

[quote BlingRing1]@Flippyferloppy is buying you a diamond ring to mark your engagement not also buying you one because he wants to?! How is my diamond ring any different to yours?! Also, I'm still deciding, but I'm leaning towards an antique drinks cabinet and glasses or a Concorde watch[/quote]
The ring was bought last year, well after we were married and was "just because", which in my opinion is a lovely sentiment. Each to their own.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

There is nothing grabby about wanting an engagement ring in my view. My ex husband didn't get me one before the wedding because he never had any money but always promised he would get a nice one and Id have it for a special anniversary, I waited 20 years while he bought himself motorbikes, cars etc. It was a sign of how selfish he was. Didn't get any birthday or christmas presents either. If another man wants me, unlikely at 60 he can produce an engagement ring first

I understand this, though it doesn't mean he has to spend a fortune on it. I remember wandering along Columbia Road when I was going out with DH and seeing a beautiful little Victorian portable writing set for a ridiculous price. A little later I lost DH in the crowds and when I found him he was carrying the writing case. That sort of thing means way much more to me than a flashy ring. (Not criticising people who love flashy rings, it's just it wouldn't have a greater impact on me than a well chosen £300 ring.)

My DH is technically a millionaire. (Has investments and a family trust, rather than cash rich)
He spent £3k on my engagement ring and £2k on my wedding ring (actually an eternity ring, but it goes with my engagement ring better than a plain band)

I only found out the cost when checking insurance papers, and felt a little bit sick that I wear that much money on my hand every day!

If he'd chosen a cheaper one and I loved it, I wouldn't care about the cost

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

There is nothing grabby about wanting an engagement ring in my view. My ex husband didn't get me one before the wedding because he never had any money but always promised he would get a nice one and Id have it for a special anniversary, I waited 20 years while he bought himself motorbikes, cars etc. It was a sign of how selfish he was. Didn't get any birthday or christmas presents either. If another man wants me, unlikely at 60 he can produce an engagement ring first

Why would you marry someone in the first place who never got you birthday or Christmas presents??

Qiite @Suagar.

The whole idea of a ring diminishes the begetter.

Can I just ask whoever it was that was saying it is an outdated old fashioned patriarchal bollocks.What is so wrong with things being old fashioned or out dated?
What is wrong with romance? or letting the person you are going to marry buy you a nice ring if he wants to? Why get married in the first pleace? If you feel an engagement ring is outdated bollocks? If that be the case well so is marraige then in your opinion. Is naming your baby outdated? what will it be next?

I didn't get one since we got married so soon after we met. Then the focus was on buying our first place together and then travelling and then having children... I'm still waiting! Things don't matter, the person you're with matters more. Grow up and enjoy what you have.

3 months salary would be about 25k which is ridiculous!

Mine was £1400 and I chose it. I could have spent a lot more but it wasn't about the monetary value.

I love jewellery so I was excited about getting an engagement ring.
Mine was an embarrassingly high amount of money but at the time DH was a very high earner so it worked out to maybe two months wages.
I wear it everyday even though it's the price of a house

@Snuggleworm

Can I just ask whoever it was that was saying it is an outdated old fashioned patriarchal bollocks.What is so wrong with things being old fashioned or out dated? What is wrong with romance? or letting the person you are going to marry buy you a nice ring if he wants to? Why get married in the first pleace? If you feel an engagement ring is outdated bollocks? If that be the case well so is marraige then in your opinion. Is naming your baby outdated? what will it be next?

It wasn't me and possibly PP feels differently but:

The OP's question was How much SHOULD he spend on a ring.
Had the question been AIBU to like jewellery/my engagement ring then I doubt anyone would have any objections to it. I don't especially like jewellery and never wanted an engagement ring but it's nothing to do with me if someone else does.
But the idea in the OP that a man should be obliged to spend 3 months salary (again, advertising campaign) (also, before or after tax deductions?I am curious)on a ring to let people know you're getting married is ridiculous. If they want to spend their money like that, that's their prerogative. But, when you planned to get married, if your husband had turned around and told you he expected a gift worth several grand in order for you to prove that you were marriage material, I expect most women would probably be a bit put out.

Marriage is not a necessity. But it does serve a purpose in providing legal and financial protections. It's a legal contract. Which might not be especially romantic, but that's what it is. And if people - women especially- started treating it like that instead of gushing over rings and wedding dresses, many would be in a much better position (those who work in the wedding industry notwithstanding).

I'm not entirely sure what to do with your incredible extrapolation to "Why even bother naming your children" (try filling out a birth certificate without it, for one). I'm going to assume you're just being facetious.

My DH spent his life savings on mine. He was a 20 year old student and it cost approximately £650. We've been married for 21 years.

@Snuggleworm

Can I just ask whoever it was that was saying it is an outdated old fashioned patriarchal bollocks.What is so wrong with things being old fashioned or out dated? What is wrong with romance? or letting the person you are going to marry buy you a nice ring if he wants to? Why get married in the first pleace? If you feel an engagement ring is outdated bollocks? If that be the case well so is marraige then in your opinion. Is naming your baby outdated? what will it be next?

Oh FGS

You sound like someone I know who once asked me
"you haven't taken your husbands name and you don't call yourself Mrs, so why did you bother getting married?"

I told her exactly what I thought of her for asking that

Mine was £450 in 1989. It's an antique 30s Art Deco style ring, but was in fact unworn. There was an article in the local paper - a long established jeweller in our city had found a selection of rings from the 1930s in an old safe in the building. My husband knew I loved that style of jewellery, so we went along to take a look at them. I think they ranged in price from about £100 to £1200. I still love the ring that I chose!

Mine cost 7k, I lost it a year ago, was out with my dogs. Throwing balls for them, searched, but like looking for a needle in a haystack.
Annoying thing is I rarely wore it as worried I'd loose it and also it snagged clothing, that day though I'd put it on.
Felt so upset and guilty.
Was able to claim back a large part from insurance, I now wear a £400 ring, much prefer it.

First one was around £900 and that was under a months wage. I unfortunately lost it after about 10 years and now wear a family ring which I actually much prefer.

I can genuinely say this is something I've never thought of. Why should there be a rule? It's completely personal to each couple.

My engagement ring was my DH mother's. I was flattered he wanted to give it to me and never till now, almost 30 years on, has it crossed my mind that I could have regarded him as a skin flint who didn't want to spend money on me! (H isn't). The tingbis a traditional type ring, and when two stones fell out some years back, I paid a few hundred to have the ring fixed. (Since we have a joint account, we both actually paid for it.)