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Original poster

How much did he/should he spend on your engagement ring?

455 replies

BlingRing1 · 03/03/2021 22:22

Just curious what everyone's thoughts are nowadays? I've heard of the '3 month's salary rule' (although i also heard it was 2 months and 1 month, so who knows!), but that's from a long time ago. Is it still relevant now? If not then what is better?

How much did he spend (either in £ or relative to salary)? Was it more or less than you thought/hoped he would?

Does it matter to you (honestly!)? Should it matter?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
SunshineCake · 07/03/2021 21:17

Ffs small* spend

Otter71 · 07/03/2021 22:37

ExH spent about £300 back in 2000. Affordable but one I liked. Wasn't allowed to wear for work and often forgot when I got home so ended up a bug bear. Have told do if we ever marry I want either a tattoo that I can't misplace or a bag of haribo jelly rings so that it has a dual purpose.. Spending lots on a ring smacks of buying me and nobody is doing that. Sorry.

Elsielouise13 · 08/03/2021 00:24

Mine was £7.5k

It was what my husband wanted to spend and so he did, Not a multiple of his salary

00deed1988 · 08/03/2021 00:31

£350 I think it was. I LOVED it! I don't wear it much anymore as not allowed to wear rings with stones at work so just got out of the habit.

He could have afforded more, but I wouldn't have wanted it as it was perfect for me.

Famousinlove · 08/03/2021 01:06

Unless you have money to burn then you are stupid for spending thousands on a diamond, and even then you have falling for the old supply and demand trick. The supply of diamonds is owned by one company who restrict the supply to artificially drive up the price of them, they aren't rare.

If a ring is nice why do you care how much money it was?

therocinante · 08/03/2021 01:18

What a load of outdated bollocks.

My ring was £400, it was something I really wanted. I bought him something for his computer ha. We could have afforded something much more expensive but funnily enough how much my husband cares about me isn't related to the size of the diamond he bought... Or how big a proportion of his salary it was.

My cousin's exgirlfriend sulked when he said he wasn't going to spent £4k on her dream ring because they were saving for a house. He broke up with her because he didn't want a relationship with someone who couldn't see the obvious fucking stupidity of that.

If you can genuinely afford to drop thousands on a ring, fine. But if you expect thousands of pounds worth of bling because ItS wHaT i DeSeRvE aNd MeN sHoUlD sPeNd A lOt oR He DoEsNt LoVe yOu then you're just eating up the patriarchy covered in fucking sparkles.

JovialNickname · 08/03/2021 01:44

I know it's not a popular view any more, but I maintain that a man should spend 3 months wages on an engagement ring, and that this should be the first step in a permanent relationship, before moving in together or having kids.

The reasons why are so obvious - you only have to read mumsnet! Why won't he help with the kids. Why has he not proposed after x number of years together. Why doesn't he see me as a person of importance even though I earn the same as him. Why is it only me that does all the housework.

BECAUSE HE DOES NOT VALUE YOU. IF HE KNEW HE HAD TO SAVE UP 3 MONTHS WAGES BEFORE HE COULD HAVE FULL ACCESS TO YOU HE WOULD NOT HAVE BOTHERED AS YOU WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN WORTH IT TO HIM. THEREFORE YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN HIS TRUE COLOURS AT THE START AND NOT AFTER YOU GOT A MORTGAGE WITH HIM, PAID FOR YOUR OWN ENGAGEMENT AND WEDDING, AND/OR BORE HIS CHILDREN.

JovialNickname · 08/03/2021 01:47

And people saying well, I had a 25p shower curtain ring and it was all we needed - yes because you had a man that loved you so the ring didn't matter. But on this thread we're talking about weeding out the liars and bad ones, that of course will buy a 25p shower curtain ring for some bint they don't give a shit about anyway.

Onthedunes · 08/03/2021 01:48

3 million sounds about right.

JovialNickname · 08/03/2021 02:01

Oh and for the ever present whinge on mumsnet that the partner doesn't help with baby after they are born, falls into the traditional "food on the table" male role and doesn't have much understanding of the new mother's needs...

This is another reason why 3 months salary is what is expected for an engagement ring. It means he has demonstrated, practically, that he will sacrifice your needs above his for three months. Coincidentally ( or not) the length of the fourth trimester. So. If you want and expect a man to step up whilst you are incapacitated and vulnerable from giving birth - y'know, the kind of man that might sacrifice his own needs for three months :) this is quite a good test to give before you hitch your waggon to his star.

And will also stop you whinging on here about "he used to do his own washing, why did this change when I had a baby?" Etc.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 08/03/2021 03:21

@JovialNickname, . seriously? It's not the 1950s.

I don't think there's any correlation between how much someone spends on an engagement ring and whether they're a sexist git.

RantyAnty · 08/03/2021 05:05

To be fair, I don't remember what any of mine cost.

1st set from my late DH. I take them out once in a while but they still make me cry.

2nd set from exH.

I love my divorce/ single ring most of all as I bought it for me.

PeggyHill · 08/03/2021 05:20

My DH is a doctor on a very good salary and he spent £30 on a cheap place holder ring because he proposed to me whilst we were hiking through a jungle and he was worried about the ring getting lost or damaged.

I never let him buy me another one. That ring is the one he proposed to me with and it means the world to me. A new ring would be nothing more than a pointless, expensive piece of jewellery with no sentimental value.

Parker231 · 08/03/2021 06:47

@JovialNickname - I’m assuming you realise that it is 2021? DH didn’t buy me rings as I don’t like them. I didn’t need an expensive ring to know I had found a good man who became a good father.

MissingLinker · 08/03/2021 08:23

@JovialNickname

Oh and for the ever present whinge on mumsnet that the partner doesn't help with baby after they are born, falls into the traditional "food on the table" male role and doesn't have much understanding of the new mother's needs...

This is another reason why 3 months salary is what is expected for an engagement ring. It means he has demonstrated, practically, that he will sacrifice your needs above his for three months. Coincidentally ( or not) the length of the fourth trimester. So. If you want and expect a man to step up whilst you are incapacitated and vulnerable from giving birth - y'know, the kind of man that might sacrifice his own needs for three months :) this is quite a good test to give before you hitch your waggon to his star.

And will also stop you whinging on here about "he used to do his own washing, why did this change when I had a baby?" Etc.

3 months salary ISN'T expected by the majority- many of whom couldn't afford it, many of whom don't care about a piece of jewellery and many of whom realise that a man spending thousands of pounds on a ring doesn't make them a good father.

Seriously, is that how you decided that he'd be a good husband and father? That he was stupid enough to buy into an advertising campaign? Because that is all the three months salary idea is. It's never gotten men to get up in the night with the baby or take children to school or do the hoovering. All it's done is make some people a lot of money.

Aprilx · 08/03/2021 08:36

Mine cost £4000, it was not worked out as a multiple of anything, it was just the cost of the ring I chose. Six to twelve months later, I found out that he was struggling with a credit card debt of about that size. I immediately paid it off, so I effectively bought my own ring and am perfectly happy with that.

Elbels · 08/03/2021 09:38

This might blow your mind @BlingRing1 but I paid half towards my engagement ring.

Marriage is a partnership so why should the cost of the ring be calculated on his salary or my demands? We designed it together and decided a budget like we do with other bit decisions and I love it very much.

Elbels · 08/03/2021 09:41

Oh and @JovialNickname that's one of the nuttiest things I've ever read.

Three months salary to prove he's allowed to have access to you?

Jesus happy international women's day everyone!

Newfor2021 · 08/03/2021 10:27

I haven’t read the whole thread so someone else may have already said this.
Are you aware the whole diamond engagement ring campaign was invented by the De Beers family due to them losing sales in the USA depression and so they concocted the salary / wage thing.
It’s one of the most successful advertising campaigns ever!!!

Personally I’d rather a family heirloom / antique / hand made ring any day. I’d be so disappointed if I was bought new diamonds from a shop as I’m anti anything that harms the planet.

Congratulations on your engagement OP, what matters is you’re happy Flowers

calmearth · 08/03/2021 11:50

@JovialNickname

Oh and for the ever present whinge on mumsnet that the partner doesn't help with baby after they are born, falls into the traditional "food on the table" male role and doesn't have much understanding of the new mother's needs...

This is another reason why 3 months salary is what is expected for an engagement ring. It means he has demonstrated, practically, that he will sacrifice your needs above his for three months. Coincidentally ( or not) the length of the fourth trimester. So. If you want and expect a man to step up whilst you are incapacitated and vulnerable from giving birth - y'know, the kind of man that might sacrifice his own needs for three months :) this is quite a good test to give before you hitch your waggon to his star.

And will also stop you whinging on here about "he used to do his own washing, why did this change when I had a baby?" Etc.

What a load of shite!
MacbookHoHoHo · 08/03/2021 11:59

I’ve been proposed to 5 times. My favourite ring was the first, and the cheapest one - a really, really pretty little vintage opal, emerald and diamond thing. It was probably about £100.

The second one was a really ugly emerald thing. It just showed he didn’t know me at all. The rest were all diamond solitaires. Again, the prettiest was the cheapest. A sort of arty one from Hatton Garden. Square, not round. So pretty.

If you’re looking at it and calculating the cost, you’ve saddled yourself with the wrong person. When it’s the right person you honestly don’t care about the cost.

Wanderlusto · 08/03/2021 12:20

@MacbookHoHoHo

I’ve been proposed to 5 times. My favourite ring was the first, and the cheapest one - a really, really pretty little vintage opal, emerald and diamond thing. It was probably about £100.

The second one was a really ugly emerald thing. It just showed he didn’t know me at all. The rest were all diamond solitaires. Again, the prettiest was the cheapest. A sort of arty one from Hatton Garden. Square, not round. So pretty.

If you’re looking at it and calculating the cost, you’ve saddled yourself with the wrong person. When it’s the right person you honestly don’t care about the cost.

5 times, bloody hell what's your secret? Lol xD
PlanDeRaccordement · 08/03/2021 12:23

£0 ZERO.
Engagement rings should just drop out of fashion/use.
Wedding rings are even optional in my opinion.

PlanDeRaccordement · 08/03/2021 12:27

This is another reason why 3 months salary is what is expected for an engagement ring. It means he has demonstrated, practically, that he will sacrifice your needs above his for three months.

But I have no need for a rock stuck to a bit of metal? Any jewelry is a want, or desire, not a need. And it demonstrates nothing more than him giving you something you want. It has no bearing on whether he will be there for when you need him.

PlanDeRaccordement · 08/03/2021 12:32

@JovialNickname

Sorry but your reasoning behind engagement rings valued at 3 months of his salary just sound more and more like you see engagement and marriage as transactional...almost like getting a prostitute on a lifetime contract using gold and gems instead of cash....

You said
IF HE KNEW HE HAD TO SAVE UP 3 MONTHS WAGES BEFORE HE COULD HAVE FULL ACCESS TO YOU HE WOULD NOT HAVE BOTHERED AS YOU WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN WORTH IT TO HIM

It just reads like man must buy “full access” to woman for no less 3 times his monthly income. That it’s some kind of price tag.