How much did he/should he spend on your engagement ring?

[BlingRing1]

Just curious what everyone's thoughts are nowadays? I've heard of the '3 month's salary rule' (although i also heard it was 2 months and 1 month, so who knows!), but that's from a long time ago. Is it still relevant now? If not then what is better?

How much did he spend (either in £ or relative to salary)? Was it more or less than you thought/hoped he would?

Does it matter to you (honestly!)? Should it matter?

Don't have one, but he has subsequently bought me a diamond ring because he wanted to.
The whole concept is outdated. The 1-month salary thing was invented by De Beers, wasn't it?
What are you getting him for your engagement?

Also, if the price doesn't matter at all, then could we take it further and say that the ring doesn't matter at all? Would you all have been happy if your husbands informed you that you would not be getting a ring because you should just know in your heart that he loves you and that should be enough? Or, on the other side of the coin, why aren't you all buying your husband's engagement rings? Surely it's pretty grabby of you all to have expected to be proposed to with a ring, and to get a ring when you're not providing one for him in return? Where do you draw the line on being 'grabby'? Is it grabby to expect a wedding reception when that is purely a show of vanity? After all, no one needs a party, registry office and two witnesses is all you need.

He spent £1500 (recent). I hate myself for accepting his proposal so I couldn't care less.

So this will prob outrage some people and I am ready for the backlash but my first engagement ring only cost £300 abd that was in 2013. We had a big mortgage at the time and a wedding to pay for. I didnt care about what size or what price the ring was but I could tell that other people judged. And after a while I did start thinking " Am I not worth more?" But put it to the back of my mind as I adore my husband and it really did not matter at the time.
So in 2019 my husband went off on a bike trip with his mates to Switzerland and came back with a gorgoeus 2 carat "rock" in my opinion. It matched my wedding band so well as my wedding band is quite thick. It was only then that I realised how much not having a nice ring affected me. Now call me shallow but I still keep looming at my hand with my big dazzler on it. I never had anything so pretty in my life and I LOVE it.

To me it makes no sense to shell out for an expensive wedding but have a cheap ring. A wedding dress is worn for one day, the wedding itself is one day and it's seemingly okay to spend thousands. But god forbid you should expect a man to spend more on the ring (that you will wear every day) than he spends on his stag do or wedding suit!

@Snuggleworm I'm glad your new ring brings you so much joy! That's lovely to hear, don't listen to anyone trying to shame you for it. Your husband clearly wanted you to have pride in your ring and had had the upgrade on his mind.

I keep looking at mine and wondering why I don't get all of this!

Engagement ring - less than a weeks wages, about £90

Wedding ring - less than a weeks wages - £60

Eternity ring - well, I really pushed the boat out, £200

I know I'm a cheap date 🙂

Ooh! Having read the pages I missed.

A year between the first two and then twenty five years before the latter. Planning on no others, we saw the ring, heard the story of how it came to be made and liked it.

Mine was £0
It was a family ring from my husbands late nana. I think if the cost of the engagement ring is important to you, then you're looking at marriage for the wrong things.

@Flippyferloppy is buying you a diamond ring to mark your engagement not also buying you one because he wants to?! How is my diamond ring any different to yours?! Also, I'm still deciding, but I'm leaning towards an antique drinks cabinet and glasses or a Concorde watch

I didn’t care about what size or what price the ring was but I could tell that other people judged.

I’m glad you like your new ring @Snuggleworm :) but this is so sad to me.

My ring cost £120. In my experience the vast majority of people in my life hardly gave it a second glance after the initial ‘oooh let’s see the ring’, which is a social ritual where even if it’s a gummy ring you ooh and ahh but don’t really give a fuck lol. And the people I’m close enough to to discuss the ring, and I was very open about the price, are good and kind enough people that they wouldn’t judge. What’s to judge?

I feel sad that you have judgmental and rude people around you. Either that or maybe because you weren’t happy with it you projected judgment and disappointment onto them that wasn’t there?

My beautiful silver ring cost £5. Still wearing it and still blissfully married 10 years later.

For those who have an engagement ring, what did you buy your DH to be?

@IJustWantSomeBees

Also, if the price doesn't matter at all, then could we take it further and say that the ring doesn't matter at all? Would you all have been happy if your husbands informed you that you would not be getting a ring because you should just know in your heart that he loves you and that should be enough? Or, on the other side of the coin, why aren't you all buying your husband's engagement rings? Surely it's pretty grabby of you all to have expected to be proposed to with a ring, and to get a ring when you're not providing one for him in return? Where do you draw the line on being 'grabby'? Is it grabby to expect a wedding reception when that is purely a show of vanity? After all, no one needs a party, registry office and two witnesses is all you need.

Exactly this.

FWIW OP, I don’t feel this thread represents reality. So much judgement & sanctimoniousness! If everyone really felt this strongly, no one would bother with rings at all. Isn’t the proposal enough? Why should he have to spend even £150??

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a nice ring (as long as you’re not expecting beyond your partner’s means), just like there’s nothing wrong with wanting a nice birthday present. If my DP came home on my birthday with something be bought at a petrol station I’d be irritated. I don’t see how this is different.

@Handsoffstrikesagain

Are money, gifts and materialistic things an important aspect of your relationship OP? My engagement ring was a 5 figure sum. It’s beautiful and I really love it, but more than it’s value I love what it represents. I never asked my DH to spend that. He chose to. A ‘budget’ was never discussed because we didn’t view our engagement as some sort of financial transaction. I just couldn’t imagine a life talking about money and percentages and disappointment over not spending a certain amount etc. But maybe that’s just me 🤷🏽‍♀️

Marriage is the most significant financial decision most people make in their lives. There are posts all over MN about this. Unless you’re planning to keep all of your finances separate & never sacrifice your career for your family (which might well be your situation) you should probably get used to talking to your husband about money.

@Handsoffstrikesagain I see, ok. I just hate hearing women talk as if any conversations to do with money should be off limits- however I understand where you are coming from.

@Handsoffstrikesagain I don't think it's very fair to imply that I think about our relationship only in terms of what stuff I can get out of it. That couldn't be further from the truth! Likewise, I never asked him to spend what he did, it was his choice (we'd actually discussed lower, so it was a nice surprise when he upped the budget on the day).

ExDH spent £1500 35 years ago on a secondhand ring we chose together
The marriage didn’t last but I still wear and adore it as it is a beautiful antique
It’s appreciated quite a lot but I’m hoping to pass onto DD rather than use it as a pension pot

[quote IJustWantSomeBees]**@BlingRing1* I agree with you OP, and did not find your post 'grabby' at all. I think a lot of women have really bought into the whole 'gold digger' concept and internalised it. Many women, whether consciously or unconsciously, still find the idea of women taking anything* from a man very uncomfortable. We have been taught that women are the ones who give and we should be nothing other than eternally grateful for anything a man deigns us worth being gifted. I'll pass on that logic, thanks, a millionaire who dons designer clothes and is a property tycoon buying his fiancée a £70 ring from the high street is sending a message about how much he values his wife imo.

It's fine if you lot aren't into big engagement rings but you sure could tone down the judgment for those of us who feel differently to you.[/quote]
@IJustWantSomeBees Agree with this and this internalisation is responsible for a lot of women putting up with crap men who don't value them.

I’m going to answer your actual question, OP. Not moralise about what people should do with their money or what they should care about.

I’m getting a ring that costs about £5K. That’s less than one month’s salary for DP. I don’t know if I’d want a cheaper ring if he earned less or a more expensive ring if he earned more. I suspect not. The ring I liked was the ring I liked. We’re both fine with this - we discuss everything, so there’s no ambiguity.

I love my partner and I’d marry him if he proposed to me with an artfully crafted bit of twine, but that’s not how he rolls.

I think 3 months salary is a bit too much, 2 months sounds more in tune to me. Alternatively one that is in the family would be lovely.

@SandrasAnnoyingFriend

What a load of outdated sexist bullshit

Agree.