How much did he/should he spend on your engagement ring?

[BlingRing1]

Just curious what everyone's thoughts are nowadays? I've heard of the '3 month's salary rule' (although i also heard it was 2 months and 1 month, so who knows!), but that's from a long time ago. Is it still relevant now? If not then what is better?

How much did he spend (either in £ or relative to salary)? Was it more or less than you thought/hoped he would?

Does it matter to you (honestly!)? Should it matter?

I love my ring and I know it wasn't expensive. I was (and still am) so happy he knew me well enough to choose something I love.

I think it is ridiculous to expect a certain amount paid.

Mine was £2,300 in 1990. I negotiated down from £2,800 thinking "hmm, if I add £1500 I could have". But he was proud and it would have been emasculating. It's 1.25 ct sapphire flanked by a 0.3ct diamond on each side. It's valued at about £6,500 now. I absolutely love it and it's very special because like us it has endured.

My first one was £3 from a church fundraiser stall when we were penniless students.

Years later he got me a "proper" one which was about £1700.

(I prefer the £3 one. Shhh, don't tell him.)

I struggle completely with the idea that 'he' SHOULD be paying for the ring in the first place? We went halves on my engagement ring. He would have happily paid for it fully but respects that I thought that would be nonsense and just not make sense in terms of our personal values. We were already in a place in our relationship where our money was 'ours' and we planned to approach finances as a pooled sum in our marriage. In terms of what we spent - £1000 (~20% of one month of our joint net income at the time).

I haven't rtft but the idea of having to spend a certain amount was invented by deBeers, the diamond mining company. It's just marketing.

Dunno? Like not a clue. Probably a couple of hundred pounds? Couldn't give a shit either, I love it and I love him and it is perfect.

My engagement ring was roughly £2000, this is nearly half a months salary for my husband. It is 18ct white gold and the diamonds aren't huge but are good quality. I'm happy with it, we already owned our home and had other savings, it was easily afforded without getting into any debt. I wouldn't have wanted 3 months salary spent on one though! That would have been ridiculous. I probably would have been slightly disappointed with something really cheap and not great quality as we do generally spend money on nice things like cars and holidays and this would be something I would be wearing every day for the rest of my life.

I don't think there is any correlation between how much you spend on a ring/wedding and the happiness of your marriage, I've known of people with huge diamonds and big weddings and also Argos rings and cheap registry office weddings to break up.

I can't believe engagement rings are still a thing tbh. If it wasn't worth £££ how many women would out up with such a symbol of ownership?

I have no idea how much my husband paid for my engagement ring. Neither do I care!

I love it and the meaning of the ring is far more important!
He could have bought it from the pound shop for all I care!!

We had rings made by a Hatton Garden jeweller. We traded in some old jewellery and used that as a down payment then DH had a platinum band and I had a full circle eternity ring as a wedding bands (no engagement). It was a shared cost. I do feel sorry for men that have to make a grand gesture with expectations of how much they should be spending.

The three months salary nonsense was dreamed up by the jewellery industry. Obviously.

£120. Told him he’d better not spend much more than £100. We’d just bought a house, baby on the way, liked the symbolism of a ring but truly just wanted to be married and didn’t want to waste money on fancy jewellery when we had more pressing and exciting things to be saving for!

As for the wince comment, you sound a bit like a child. Children definitely shouldn’t be getting married.

I don't feel owned or oppressed when I look at the rings my husband has bought me, I just feel happy - it's not like they are welded to my finger!

Marriage itself oppressed women historically but few people want to get rid of it! I understand not spending the money if you aren't a jewellery lover and would consider it a waste, a person isn't less married if they don't have a ring - but really the ring isn't more of an historic symbol of ownership than the marriage itself, so if you are going to get we'd and you do like jewellery, there's nothing morally wrong in wanting a lovely ring, since you are likely to be wearing it forever.

Id be absolutely devastated if my partner spent more than a grand on a ring. Going by the three month rule that could be around 15k. Fuck that. I’d rather have a holiday and new clothes.

The “X” months salary used to be so that your wife had something to pawn in and survive off of you carked it didn’t it?

He?

Which man buys the ring for lesbian couples?

Which “he” buys the ring for gay couples?

Perhaps join the 21st century OP?

My sister is a lesbian. She and her gf bought each other rings

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

My sister is a lesbian. She and her gf bought each other rings

Mine was roughly one months salary before tax. Love it

No, I’m not a child! What a ridiculous thing to say. I’ve already explained the ‘wince’ comment and I stand by it. I never meant that it should be unaffordable, quite the opposite. Simply that if your fiancée loves and would appreciate the ring, then I see no issue is setting a budget that feels significant to you (significant meaning it bears relation to your earnings, savings, future plans etc) and therefore will feel like a big deal when you buy it.

And no, my mind isn’t blown by the existence of lesbian and gay couples. My best friend is a lesbian and she and her partner got engaged shortly after I did. I can’t wait for their wedding! What a massive assumption you’ve made. Yes, I said ‘he’ in my post, but simply because it’s easier than saying he/she/they every single time, not out of any sort of bigotry. The fact you’ve jumped to that conclusion perhaps shows you to be the more judgemental and less tolerant one?

And no, I’m not disappointed with my ring, quite the opposite. Before we got it we’d discussed a much lower budget (I think he was trying to make the higher budget a nice surprise). In all honesty, I would have been a bit disappointed with that, as it would have represented about 2% of the money he had in savings, so we both knew he could afford more. The fact he did spend more in the end shows how well he does know me and my taste and what I’d appreciate. I said on a previous post that I wish I hadn’t started this, but I’ve changed my mind there now; reading everyone’s comments has made me realise how well he does know me and I appreciate the gesture even more now. As I’ve said before, I have every intention of getting him something equivalent, I just don’t know what yet. But I’ll probably wait til our wedding and give it then, so I have time to think of something.....unless anyone has any ideas (he wouldn’t want a ring or a watch though)?!

Clearly everyone has very different opinions here. I’ve read the whole thread, as comments have gradually been posted, and I get the impression that, on the whole and clearly with the odd exception, there is a correlation between wealth and what you (he, she, they, whoever!) spend. There’s bound to be, I guess. I think de beers have made a massive overestimate by the sounds of it though!

I don’t have an engagement or wedding ring as I don’t like wearing rings although DH could have afforded something extravagant. For those who have rings, do you pay 50:50?

No way would I want to walk around with something worth thousands on my finger.

A few hundred pounds tops is fine.

I was engaged four times. The first three didn't really mean it and the price if he ring was a BIG clue in retrospect though I didn't mind it was slow spend. Then dh came along. Spent almost a grand on my ring and here we are 20+ years later still married.

He spent it because it was the perfect ring. I was eek at the amount but he insisted. For me, spend what you want as long as you mean what you are asking, be it £50 or more.

@bloodywhitecat

Does the cost or the size of the ring matter? No. Not in the slightest. DP is dying so we are marrying ASAP, the size and the cost of any ring he buys me will be immaterial when I get to bury him in the not-too-distant future.

I am so sorry @bloodywhitecat .

Before we got engaged I picked out the ring I wanted and told my dh that was what I wanted and he got it, was 360