DH and boundaries

[chipsandfizz]

DH reading self help books a lot recently. Asserting boundaries around wanting more sex (I knew he wanted this), more intimacy etc.

The problem is that there were often reasons why these things didn't flow in the way he would like.

My issue is that these books seem to be encouraging him down a route of asserting self and needs and boundaries and away from the work of trying to improve our actual relationship and communications etc to get both needs met.

To the point that if I now have any issue or anything to say it seems to promote a I don't want to talk/listen anymore. I judge on actions not words. A total shut down of conversation and the view that anything I have to say is hormonal on my part.

That we've said all we need to say and he is not interested in talking anymore. I'm trying to say I'm happy he has his boundaries etc but in a relationship surely you have to care what the other person thinks!

How to tackle this as to when I do it just looks to him as though I am struggling with him asserting his boundaries. Couldn't be further from the truth. I just want him to give a shit about mine too! He is midlife and under a lot of stress due to impending work situation.

Just to repeat - it's not the boundaries I have an issue with. It's the way it's all being done. I feel like I have no voice anymore and he just doesn't care. Today he actually refused to talk to me anymore after a blow up that I felt he caused.

These types are so privileged, they don't see it and become bored with life, but instead of honest self-reflection, they decide they are hard done in life.

Blowing up a marriage and family over his dick not getting wet enough is idiocy.

Instead of being more of a guy you'd want to be with, they decide it's your fault and proceed to try to bully into having more.

There is no flock of hot 20 year olds waiting to fuck them. Delusional old farts.

@RantyAnty

These types are so privileged, they don't see it and become bored with life, but instead of honest self-reflection, they decide they are hard done in life.

Blowing up a marriage and family over his dick not getting wet enough is idiocy.

Instead of being more of a guy you'd want to be with, they decide it's your fault and proceed to try to bully into having more.

There is no flock of hot 20 year olds waiting to fuck them. Delusional old farts.

That's so true! A relative of mine is late 40s, very overweight and bald, and works in an upmarket store. The fragrance counter is full of said glamorous girls who apparently all love him and hang on his every word 😂

I'm sorry to say this, but you two don't really sound as though you like or respect each other very much. I'm not sure why you'd be wanting to have sex at all.

@Nitpickpicnic Haha. That gave me a giggle. There are motorhome places like that in the dessert in the U.S. full of damaged individuals, hippies, paranoid people and drug users. Perhaps he's like it there?

How are you doing chipsandfizz

Just head blown really.

Denial continues. Though he "would read what he likes, nothing to do with you".

Knows an awful lot about it for someone who doesn't read it.....

omg I'm just reading a bit about that Red Pill stuff, really OP if he is trying to follow that stuff I'd be thinking about ways to leave that marriage, these guys don't like women at all. If he's following this advice he doesn't see you like his partner or even a human being. Gross

[quote EarthSight]**@SixesAndEights

OK! Christ, chill out.[/quote]
I'm not sure @SixesAndEights is the one who needs to chill out....Christ!

Saying he has read certain books and it is about raising self esteem.

Says he is aware of red pill, doesn't read it but disagrees with a lot of it, can agree with certain parts of it. Like raising self esteem and self confidence.

I don't buy it.

@chipsandfizz so sorry to hear that he's behaving like this. Well, that the Manosphere exists at all. It's so depressing.

Whether it is that or not (and it does sound like it is) he sounds such hard work. What do you think you'll do? I dont think I could live like that, it's horrible.

[quote crackingcrackers]@chipsandfizz so sorry to hear that he's behaving like this. Well, that the Manosphere exists at all. It's so depressing.

Whether it is that or not (and it does sound like it is) he sounds such hard work. What do you think you'll do? I dont think I could live like that, it's horrible.[/quote]
Yes. I agree and I'm debating the same.

Hope you are doing ok @chipsandfizz. If he denies agreeing with a lot of the red pill nonsense, is he able to find an excuse for his ‘alpha parent’ declaration? But regardless, being with someone who you can now recognise has been trying to ‘train’ you is no way to live

@Nogoodusername

Hope you are doing ok *@chipsandfizz*. If he denies agreeing with a lot of the red pill nonsense, is he able to find an excuse for his ‘alpha parent’ declaration? But regardless, being with someone who you can now recognise has been trying to ‘train’ you is no way to live

Apparently it was a joke. Purely co-incidental timing and nothing to do with red pill. Then started asking what I mean by red pill. He just meant as a parent in charge. I said but you aren't? Yes I know, just a joke.

He thinks I'm an idiot to believe that.

I do too at the moment but not for the reasons he thinks. Years ago and repeated history would have seen me performing mental gymnastics trying to give credence to his words.

I don't have any desire to do that currently. He thought he could "train" me. He has frequently been a bellend in this marriage.

I'm fucking furious.

I can only imagine your fury.
He thinks you are dim and trainable🙄.

He sounds vile.

Focus on your future without him.
Your marriage is hardly salvageable.
What a twat.

Honestly as someone who’s ex is a red pill twat, just start the divorce now. They only get worse and start on the children, the horror of him turning my son into his mini me was enough for me to end the relationship there and then. Get legal advice and flag his behaviour as a safeguarding concern.

I think what you need now is a SHL (shit hot lawyer), get some advice. And rather than row go grey rock for the time being.

Needed him to move to get to my work desk. I wasn't particularly polite. Granted.

He mumbled something under his breath. I asked what, it was "shut up". I said oh that's nice, how manly (I know I know)

Got no, just sick of women thinking they rule the world as they have a pair of tits.

Wow. This is just done.

Need to google grey rock. Any tips?

@chipsandfizz just act like he doesn’t exist, look through him as if he isn’t there. Don’t let him know he’s getting to you, unless it’s about the kids ignore him completely. Do all this whilst getting the ball rolling on your divorce, don’t forget to start gathering up important documents/financials discreetly.

The privately laugh when the divorce shocks his tiny mind.

@chipsandfizz

Needed him to move to get to my work desk. I wasn't particularly polite. Granted.

He mumbled something under his breath. I asked what, it was "shut up". I said oh that's nice, how manly (I know I know)

Got no, just sick of women thinking they rule the world as they have a pair of tits.

Wow. This is just done.

Bloody hell, he really hates women doesn't he? What a disgusting thing to say to his wife.

"women" eh? Very much sounds like those incel-y mens rights corners of the internet to me. How awful. It sounds ime as though he's being radicalised, I'm afraid

You're no longer an individual, you are part of a class sho he is being told, have been opressing him snd taking his rights away. The irony.

In particular, his "right" to sex, as he is probably starting to see it. How awful. And one of the sad things (though I won't say the saddest) is that it seems very very unlikely that this belief system is helping a single unhappy man towards a happier life, but far more likely to be doing the exact opposite.

Don't google grey rock... Google divorce lawyers! He sounds vile!

@harriethoyle

Don't google grey rock... Google divorce lawyers! He sounds vile!

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