husband snappy

[bunny85]

Hi, I'm just after some perspective, I've been thinking and overthinking and perhaps not sure anymore who's in the right and who's in the wrong.

Briefly, we've been together for 11 years, we are married and have 2 small children (5 and 1). I'm a SAHM and my DH works full time and long hours, Saturdays too. We live comfortably in terms of finances. In terms of him doing his share around the house, that's another thing I'm not sure about. He does some things, but not other. For example he takes the bins out, does DIY, hoovers the house on a weekend, mops the floor, he is very involved with the children (bath and bedtime, nappies, feeding, takes them to park so I can rest etc, whatever is needed basically). However he doesn't cook (at all), doesn't clean as in deep clean (however we have a cleaner fortnightly), he can hang the washing or load/unload the dishwasher very occasionally or when asked (not often!). So I'd be grateful if someone can also tell me is he bot pulling his weight around the house? He claims he does more than enough... i just don't know.

But anyway, now to the main problem. He's often snappy with me. Not openly rude, but the tone of his voice is often irritated, annoyed, snappy. If I did something wrong he gets annoyed with me quickly as if I'm another child. He doesn't shout or swear, just the tone of his voice when he says "Can you not do such and such?" Or anything else. He is very stressed out with work and I get this, but looks like he's bringing it home and I hate it. It's like he's snappy by default and when he's nice he's almost making an effort. I don't know if I'm exaggerating a bit as I'm so upset, but lately there has been at least one instance a day when the tone of his voice is one of those that I don't like. I'm making me extremely upset, I've told him many times by the way, he doesn't seem to see the problem, however he did agree on a few occasions that he's stressed out and grumpy lately overall. What can I do? I'm really upset about it. Thank you.

If I worked 6 days a wk I'd be grumpy & resentful too if I was told so needed to do more around the house.

Agree with other posters that you seem dissatisfied with being a SAHM. No shame in that, it's not for me but maybe you should look for a job?

What about me, who's going to show me some admiration?

😆

Wow - considering he works 6 days a week, it sounds like he does more than enough around the house! Especially considering the very limited amount of time he's actually home. If he's snappy with you, it might be because he's feeling tired and unappreciated. I have been on both sides of this - the stay at home parent and the working full time parent, so I do get your point too, but yeah. If my kids were 5 and 1 (assume the 5 year old is in school when they're open) and my partner was at home with the one year old, I'd be pretty pissed if they were sort of making me feel bad about not doing enough when it sounds like he's doing loads. I know being a stay at home mum is tiring - I have a one year old too so I'm not saying it's easy to stay home with them all day - however I find it pretty easy to get cooking and cleaning done and I work part time each day too and also don't have a cleaner so... I'm not trying to say that I'm great or you're not working hard enough, just trying to illustrate that a lot of people manage in your position, in fact with the cleaner and the amount your husband does, it sounds like you're pretty fortunate! Your husband on the other hand - just reading aboit his schedule and the jobs he does made me feel tired! (Of course it's different during lockdown with home schooling which I imagine is making it worse for you.)

But honestly, if I were in his shoes, I'd be pretty shocked if I was working 6 days a week, doing pretty much as many jobs and childcare as I could do in the small amount of time I was home, and paying for a cleaner to do a deep-clean every fortnight, and my partner was complaining about me not doing more.

Again, I know being a SAHM is tiring. But yeah, maybe give him a break and look and what he IS doing rather than what he isn't.

Yes he gets up with the baby, again I didn't ask for it, he volunteered seeing how tired I was of sleepless nights.

Why don't you volunteer to take this back on?

I had something on my face and was embarrassed to open the door, let's put it this way

A face mask, a spot?

But he needs to say things in a nice, respectful non snappy way.

Surely this issue here is the OPs perception. Look at the examples given! I'd be snappy if I had to stop feeding the baby because my partner was embarrassed to open the front door.

Okay I've just read all your posts and now I definitely think this can't be real. It was the "why I'm a prize to my husband" essay that did it for me

But everything is based on my well-being! If I collapse what will happen? I'm my children's life line,

This is brilliant, you should get it printed on a tshirt.

If this IS real - OP, if he does talk to you like a child, it sounds like you act like a child. Or very childlike with this almost naive, fairytale idea of what a husband and wife should be like. Maybe he's frustrated having to rely on someone who lives in a dreamworld. I'd have been utterly furious if my husband forgot to bring water up to my screaming, thirsty baby after saying he would, especially if I was getting the baby to sleep after one of the many long days at work that I had just done. With all due respect (if this is real) it doesn't matter how great you think you are, you're not respecting your husband in the way that youre totally overreacting to his perfectly normal, mildly irritated reaction to your seemingly very high maintainance behaviour and strange, Disney princess beliefs aboit how you deserve to be treated. I'm not trying to be horrible, just very honest. If you're for real, of course.

OP you sound like you have a lovely husband. You say ‘you know your worth and won’t allow anyone to put you down’ I think this is the problem. Your disregarding a good man. Do you want him to wash your feet for being a mother? Bathe you in milk? He sounds like a bloody good hard working man ‘volunteering’ to do things that let’s be honest a lot of men simply wouldn’t THINK to do. I think you really need to look within. You sound rather egoistical, and your probably putting him down, he’s simply doing his best, and if it’s not good enough, leave him so he can find someone who appreciates him. I hope/think this might be a bloody troll mind you 🤣🤣🤣

hired a nanny who would come (occasionally, not every day at all) to mind the children while I go out for a walk or just read

So you're not unloading the dishwasher multiple times a day?

He works 6 days out of 7 and you said long hours. Helps around the house and with the kids. Give the guy a break.

Deep down I'm convinced that I'm a prize for my husband even though I know I'll get a next round of rotten tomatoes my way now for saying this.

🤦🏻‍♀️

I can't sleep but this thread is brilliant!

Well this is the sort of question that I love to answer as I generally love talking about myself,

No shit!

Why does a friend crashing a car make you a good driver?

Your poor husband, he works 6 days a week and also wakes up with the baby in the night?? I think you are expecting too much from him and it's not fair. You sound really entitled and not very nice at all, to be honest.

I only came for the comments which are hilarious!

OP if you are real I've never known anyone in my life to sound so precious as you. You really are on a very high pedestal where you think everyone should pay homage to.

I admire confidence but you are arrogant and self centered and sound like a complete diva. I guess you being a good driver more than makes up for it though!

I really pity your husband

@fronz because she hasn't crashed her husbands car yet I'm guessing 🤣🤣

Indeed!

I just imagine the OP going off to get her much needed beauty sleep without the baby cause you know lifeline & lying on a chaise longue eating bon bons (just a few though, must maintain that figure) whilst mulling over her best qualities. I'm all for self belief & self love but that list has been mulled over a lot 🤣🤣

I keep popping back to this thread as it's so entertaining!

@bunny85

What am I bringing to the party? But everything is based on my well-being! If I collapse what will happen? I'm my children's life line, I breastfed them for ages, I do everything for them, I take them to all the activities and do everything school related and much more and everything for our home. I think it's more than a fair share of responsibilities. I bitterly regret mentioning my grandma, that wasn't relevant. I just think that a woman shouldn't be taken for granted and should be loved and respected. Of course equality is extremely important in a relationship, I never suggested it wasn't

If I collapse what will happen

If your dh collapses, what will happen? He’s the only earner in the house and the one making you and your children’s lives nice. So perhaps take a step back and see how you can take the pressure off him. Your eldest is going to school next week.

There doesn’t seem to be enough balance right now. I get you were exhausted from lack of sleep and your dh wanted to help. But this has now gone the other way. It isn’t fair that your dh goes out to work 6 days a week and does all of the night wakings.....

You say that you were taught you should be treated like the queen but it sounds as if your dh may feel a bit like the butler and maid.

You’ve listed plenty of things you get time to do - daily reading and hobbies so you do get breaks. How much time does your dh get to do these things?

You are your own favourite subject? Are you, in fact, a toddler?

The fact that your DH is merely snappy with you proves he is a pretty decent fellow. I would have gone full piranha and eaten half the household furniture and six blocks of cheese just to cope.

Good morning and thanks to everyone for taking time to reply. I can see lots of people started to make fun of me and I don't think I deserve it whatsoever, I simply asked for an opinion from the outside, to understand myself and my husband better, and someone suggested somewhere down the line that I feel like I'm a prize to my husband. I do appreciate myself and have a healthy self esteem so I replied that yes I do. I was then asked what makes me such a good person to which I also gave an honest answer, at the same time admitting I'm spoilt and can be overly dramatic but working on it and taking full responsibility. In fact I mentioned many times on this thread that I'm planning to make a change starting from last night, which I did.

Now I'm not going to fuel your entertainment any longer as I'm not here for anyone's fun, I asked for advice and a handful of nice and understanding posters wrote some great contributions and made me realise few important things about myself and my husband and I'm already making a change for a better, again not going into details to avoid further sarcasm, these sort of comments are making me very upset.

As for my husband, I love him dearly and he loves me, we've been together for over a decade and supported each other through thick and thin. I regularly, even before this thread, ask him if he's still ok to sleep with the baby or he wants to swap, but he always says that he absolutely doesn't mind and will let me know when he needs my help. It also doesn't cross his mind to think he's a butler or skivvy because this is not a dynamic we have in the family, I mentioned many times that I never ask or nag or expect him to do much around the house, I simply wanted to check for myself (!!!) that he's contributing enough.

We had a lovely chat last night and tried to sort out the disagreements we have, mainly to do with him sometimes getting snappy over minor reasons, luckily thanks to these thread I realised they are not as minor and I was in the wrong for which I'm grateful, I told him and he was pleased to see I realised.

To those of you taking the piss of me lazing on the lounge with bon bons etc, I'm glad I made someone laugh and smile, however I won't have anyone being mean or nasty to me even on the Internet forum, so I better leave it to that.

Wishing you all a lovely day.

To those of you taking the piss of me lazing on the lounge with bon bons etc, I'm glad I made someone laugh and smile, however I won't have anyone being mean or nasty to me even on the Internet forum, so I better leave it to that.

That was me, you have to understand the lack of self awareness is funny. I totally assumed it was a wind up!

@fronz I understand and I don't take it too close to heart as I have many other more important things to occupy my mind with, despite what you may think of me. I completely disagree that I lack any self awareness, in fact the opposite is true. I know many beautiful, kind, gorgeous girls whose self esteem is non existent and this is what I'd call a lack of self awareness, any woman should love and appreciate herself, we are the beauty of this planet. Ok now this is going to set off another round of bullying posts but I don't care, this is me and this is what I think