10 years to the day without sex!!

[Wakingup55643]

If this was you, on a scale of 1 to 100, how much would it matter?

If single I would be on the hunt if married I would be ragers

100% it would matter. Having been in a low sex marriage for years, which left me feeling old and unattractive, and now in a relationship with someone who is matched to my drive where I feel young and sexy, I can honestly say I will never compromise on this aspect of a relationship again.

Depends if I had a libido or not and wanted sex in my life. If I was asexual then of course it wouldn't bother me. If my partner had a medical reason that they couldn't have sex, then I would perhaps put my needs aside because I loved them.

I need sex in a relationship. If my partner had withdrawn sex from me with no discussion for ten years, then I would see that as grounds for divorce. However, it's up to the individual couple and depends on context. Eg young children, depression, medication, trauma etc etc But ten years is a very long time.

If this was you, on a scale of 1 to 100, how much would it matter?

It would depend on the context

I don't think I could. What's the reason for the lack of sex?

Well if there’s no good reason like a serious illness then 100% it would matter.

100

I struggle going without for 10 days so I don't know how I'd cope with 10 years 😂

Are you single or in a relationship op?

Jesus, you’ve probably healed over by now. Agree with 101%. It has such a massive positive impact on my mental health and well-being. A good shag and the kind of deep sleep that only comes from a mind blowing orgasm really detoxes my brain and makes me happy. Really helps me to rearrange my thoughts and it relaxes me.

100

I've felt like he's had no interest in me for years. Even on our wedding day / night when I couldn't possibly have made more effort to look nice, alluring, he just didn't look at me as he should. I feel like he never notices me, whereas I get attention from other men quite a lot. And now I don't even like him (after a lot of things which have worn me down over the years) and I wouldn't want him to touch me. He knows this, and he doesn't seem to be bothered.

100

There is an alternative to this for you.

Did you mention on your other thread that you had a suspicion he might be gay?

I think you owe it to yourself to get out of this relationship

If I was single then wouldn't be an issue. If I was in a relationship that would be a totally different matter, though. I think you need intimacy, including sexual intimacy, in a relationship

60? Me and my partner have only just started having sex again after a three year dry spell. This was down to my PTSD but I expect as we start doing it again regularly it"ll feel more important and that number will creep up.

After ten days I'd be climbing the walls

Why did you marry a man with whom you had no sexual chemistry?

Why did you then subsequently stay for ten years?

When I've broken down and said that I can't live the rest of my life without any kind of intimacy, he said he's so used to not having it (he blames me) that he's not even bothered anymore, and that the most important thing is keeping our family and marriage together. So now I feel selfish for putting my needs above this.

Grow a backbone and stop being a secondary character in your own life. Your husband can say what he wants but the fact remains that he doesn't initiate sex or take action to change that. There could be any number of reasons for this but they don't really matter as the end result is the same. Sex is not about penis in vagina, it's about intimacy and closeness. You don't have sexual intimacy with your husband and that, is easily a good enough reason to accept that this marriage was a huge mistake and divorce.

@SomersetHamlyn We had a 'normal' relationship before we got married, and I honestly thought that not having much sex was just a part of being married. I know that is mad, but it's what I accepted my life was.

If you don't put you needs first no one else will.

I left a joyless sexless relationship to be entirely selfish about it and it is the best decision I have made in the last five years.

Yes @ProfessorInkling I do think that could be the case. My mam said something to me years ago that sometimes pops into my mind, that his family seemed relieved to have married him off at last..........

It's difficult. It's nearly four years for me. Maybe 60.

I miss the intimacy but on the other hand the last four years have been bliss. I haven't had to cope with any lying or cheating, any bullying or manipulation or financial abuse. For four years no-one has criticised me in my own home.

Being single is fab. My confidence has returned. My DS is happy, my bank balance is healthy. I've coped with all the covid crap calmly. My house is clean and redecorated how I want. There are no atmospheres, no upsets, no stupid games.

I can't help feeling finding a new partner would come at too high a price.

I'd have been long gone by 10 years 🤷‍♂️ possibly even 1 year if there was no real reason like childbirth etc.