10 years to the day without sex!!

[Wakingup55643]

If this was you, on a scale of 1 to 100, how much would it matter?

Thank you everyone. I know I need to bite the bullet and live my life. I feel crushed, tired, tearful, and this is no way to live. I've started running and it makes me feel alive. I look flippen amazing in my tight running gear (please excuse the blowing of my own trumpet, but I do!) and he doesn't bat an eyelid.

@Wakingup55643

Thank you everyone. I know I need to bite the bullet and live my life. I feel crushed, tired, tearful, and this is no way to live. I've started running and it makes me feel alive. I look flippen amazing in my tight running gear (please excuse the blowing of my own trumpet, but I do!) and he doesn't bat an eyelid.

It's actually really lovely to see a woman empower herself, and feel good about how they look! Don't ever apologise for that ❤️

gay was my first thought

Thank you @imalmostthere x

@Durtyblurty I think he could be. Do I just ask????!!!! Although if I do ask, what's he going to say? No, probably. I'll be no further forward. It's up to me to make decisions here, I know.

Quite right too OP, I’d look like Mr Blobby in right running gear (must sort that out..) but thankfully I’m lucky in that DH doesn’t let that concern him.

Go & find someone who’ll make you feel desired and loved, life is far too short to feel the way you do right now & it doesn’t sound like the (massive) sacrifice you are making, or your DH is worth sticking around for!?

Do you even have children? If not, why on earth do you stay?

He might actually be relieved, you never know.
Or is he likely to get angry?
I do think you should talk to him. What good is it doing staying together for 'the family' (or for outward appearances) if you are (both?) miserable?
Wouldn't you want to get out while you still have a sex drive?
Imagine getting to middle age (or thereabouts!) and posting on here '30 years to the day without sex!!'

@Wakingup55643

When I've broken down and said that I can't live the rest of my life without any kind of intimacy, he said he's so used to not having it (he blames me) that he's not even bothered anymore, and that the most important thing is keeping our family and marriage together. So now I feel selfish for putting my needs above this.

This actually made me genuinely angry that he said all this to you. He can't even accept responsibility for his own lack of interest in sex! He's trying to put it on you even though you are in obvious distress. That is just nasty OP. That is a lack of caring and compassion right there.

And 'keeping the family and marriage together is most important'. And making you feel selfish? Jesus! Staying married might be important to him but you don't have to accept his priorities!

You matter too. You have your life to lead - your own path of determination. And you are quite right to want to follow your own path. How dare he make you feel bad for thinking that you matter!

Its not just the sex OP. He just sounds bloody awful.

Move on without him.

@Corroboree Yes we do have kids, and that's what holds me back. If it was just me and him I would have been off years ago. I just can't face the upheaval for them. But it's starting to feel more and more important to me and that my needs are screaming out and I am drowning.
@Durtyblurty We've done the conversations and the counselling. In my own counselling sessions she said the same thing - he might be relieved. I was so hopeful this would be the case, but it couldn't be more opposite. He went all defensive, sad, anxious, depressed, so now I feel I'm making things terrible for him. He said he wants us to just be able to be kind to each other and have 'light conversation.'
Light conversation???????

You're hot, you're also strong enough to leave the loser you're married to in the dust behind you.

He went all defensive, sad, anxious, depressed, so now I feel I'm making things terrible for him

So? Let him feel sad. Sad things happen in life. They happen to all of us. Marriages break down. This is very common. An ordinary event.
Sad and distressing things happening is ordinary. We all have to learn how to cope with sad things and to move past them. All of us.

It is not your role to sacrifice your own life and happiness to stop someone else feeling something as commonplace as the sadness of their relationship ending.

He may try to make you feel like that but that is madness. Reject it.

Who op that isn't natural. Could he be gay? Or some sexual issue?

whoah*

You're not responsible for his happiness- you are a person too, and you're important, and your children need to see that you have value as a person, not just as Mum.

My husband and I went for long periods without sex, my doing. He would have done it twice a day but I didn't want to, was tired, had some issues around sex and would have been quite happy to never have it again.

We split for a year. Have been back together 3 months and now I can't get enough!

Ultimately, I didn't want it because I wasn't happy and although I loved him, I didn't like him very much.

Now we're much better, we've had big conversations and made changes and we're so much happier = desire.

If you're not happy, you need to split. You're wasting your life and he has no regard for you.

This was me a few years ago. Ex DH and I had gone 10 years without, he had also moved himself into the spare room because I snored He just didn't want a physical relationship with me. When I found him using porn I hit the roof and divorced him. I am gearing myself up to hit the dating scene when covid allows! Believe me, it is scary int he lead up to ending a marriage....but I look back now and wonder why the hell I left it so long before I did something. Go for it.

You say that you have had conversations about it. When you say you want sex again, does he just brush if off or show any hint he does want to? If he is not even giving you lip service that he wants to get it back then I don't think you have a choice. It's obviously sounding the easy way out to pin it all on you but if you say you want to sort it and he doesn't, there is your answer. As for why, cheating/gay/not bothered none are acceptable to not give you a proper reason to work from

Lol, crikey! @fabio

Seriously, @Fabiofatshaft ? That's a creepy response.

Join MN just to hit on women that are vulnerable, did we?

Hmm. 'Light conversation' vs a good hard sweaty session?

If this was you, on a scale of 1 to 100, how much would it matter?

250. Maybe more.

Or just mutual desire/passion/fun/intimacy ie. a normal healthy sex life

Id be fine about it as I have zero sex drive.
HOWEVER THIS WHOLE SITUATION SEEMS BIZARRE.
How come neither of you has discussed this or your expectations before marriage? Then lived in this weird situation for years. What does he get out of such an odd relationship?
So many questions.