10 years to the day without sex!!

[Wakingup55643]

If this was you, on a scale of 1 to 100, how much would it matter?

About 50% bothered–I'm married and for me its 5 years now and counting, it's from my side and medical, so the pain was horrendous and now I've had surgery but the big issue I have is that even with surgery, recovery etc I simply don't want to even be in the same bed with him.

Sorry late reply.... That's when my dc was conceived and then exh was not interest whilst I was preggo.... Then too busy dealing with babies... Then he left..... 10 yrs ago and noone has shown me one jot of interest since.... Now my looks have not just faded but wilted and shrivelled.... Plus I'm not bothered anymore. Strange to think that my last sexual encounter was in my late 20s and that will probably be it. Ho hum whatever.

I did 3 years and felt I was going insane !! Never ever will I put my self through that again. Obviously people have reasons why they don’t (not wanting too, low libido and illness etc) mine was a loveless marriage so I er left 😂

God I'd be delighted I bloody hate it and hate my body since having kids I absolutely dread my dp wanting it!!

I've managed to go 8-9 months now I'm doing well he knows I hate it tho and is respectful

It depends if sex is important to you.
For me, sex is a very important part of a relationship and I wouldn’t remain in a sexless marriage, so I would have to leave.
Sexless marriages would only work if both were in agreement.
10 years is a long time, can you see yourself being intimate with him again?
Do you still want a sexual relationship?

I would be crawling up the wall. I’d ask a single friend to help me out without any feeling of guilt in the immediate term.

The whole relationship would have to be sorted in the longer term.

I've just done 9 years, sex free..... wasn't bothered to be honest. If it's not with the right person and I'm not emotionally connected, I don't want the interaction just for an O. I can do that myself. Getting back in the saddle is a bit daunting but with the right person it's easy enough.

I can do better than that, I once went 11 years!!!
During our divorce and after I left I found out he was gay, he lied of course when I asked him initially.

What are you going to DO about it OP?

This thread only shows the extremes.

Not that bothered. Libido disappeared after birth of ds's. Difference is if you are happy, affectionate, have physical closeness, other things, such as say regular blow jobs! If you get in well and the person puts you first, treats you well, with respect. Or are you saying that all those other things flew out the window aswell. In which case it's not JUST about sex is it?

It's definitely not just about sex as an end point @Oblomov21 There's nothing. I've never felt any manliness from him, looking back over the years. I've never felt him come up to me from behind for a sexy hug with a bit of a rumbling below, never seen him look at me as if I'm naked, never had him tear my clothes off, and tbh when we did have sex I usually had to say do this do that. And blow jobs??!! Nowhere near approaching! So yes, you're right, it's about much more. And I have to do something about it or live like this forever.

How did you find out @hp654 ???

@Wakingup55643

How did you find out *@hp654* ???

I asked him he paused way too long before saying no.... I made a false profile on fabguys (I think it was this site) and did a local postcode search and there he was, describing all his sexual preferences after telling me for years it was his medication affecting his sex drive and I believed him. How I despise him for putting me through what he did, not just the lack of sex but the way he treated me.

@hp654 see I think he would just plain deny it if I asked him, or, he'd refuse to answer and storm off because I dared to ask, so I'd be none the wiser..... Did you suspect anyway?

I couldn't tolerate it myself - in the prolonged death throes of my marriage we didn't have sex for over 4 years.

I felt sexy, just not towards him. He wasn't bothered, drinking too much, keeping very different hours to me.

You have more than enough reasons to end this farce of a marriage, what is one more? Take charge of your life and live it in colour, not this grey misery. If you only had one year left, would you choose to spend it with him?
No? Then don’t drift along for the next ten years, your not a helpless prisoner.

I can't live the rest of my life without any kind of intimacy

This is what stood out for my from your posts. It isn't just the sex, it's the general everyday affection, closeness, feeling like you are desirable as a person. If those things are there and it is just the sex that is missing, then I think it would be more bearable. Perhaps even something you could learn to live with. However without any of that, it isn't a marriage any more.

He is gay.

The denial is tangible including you OP.

If it was a choice between a sexless relationship or intermittent crap sex on flings (my reality for 8 years) I'd choose my reality, sorry.

Six years. It used to really affect me but I guess I'm just numb to it now.

Conception of our DD2 (5) was the last time. Not that it exactly was a blistering sex life before that. Married 18 years and it's always been me doing the initiating. Apart from when we were ttc, then it was strictly on her terms re timing and I think the most encouraging come-on I got was 'hop on then'. We had a bit of a row about it when ttc, I said I just felt like a sperm donor.

I think I'd been knocked back and turned down so often I just stopped trying. Frankly it doesn't feel like a marriage, we're just housemates who co-parent.

Before we were married it was great but it started to dim about 12 months before. There was friendship with a colleague I was suspicious of, and we lived apart for about 12 months due to work & saving for the wedding. We had a 10day honeymoon in the US and I don't recall us having sex once.

It's all a bit tragic when I write it down... Sorry to hijack

@JustinOtherdad that sounds terrible. Why are you staying with her??

I recently reached 1000 days since and I really miss it

14 years here. We are both constantly too knackered and find more enjoyment snuggling up and watching tv and having a brew. Sex is quite messy too. After 30 years we are very much like a pair of old codgers!!

Been coming up to 2 years now, but I’m by myself, so that in itself is not an issue, as it’s not the same as being with someone who doesn’t want you.
@Wakingup55643 can you move elsewhere for a trial separation for a while?

@IndigoJewel Because I couldn’t imagine not seeing my children every day. And frankly I don’t really have other options. I pay all the mortgage & bills here and couldn’t afford to move out.

I do crave some sort of love and intimacy though.

Really sad. I think many men end up in your exact situation @JustinOtherdad .Where they don't want to leave their marriage, but crave sex and intimacy. Have you tried couples counselling?