Intimate body part question

[embaressssed]

Hi

I know this is a very private matter so please feel free to ignore (and not post to just call me a weirdo for asking), I think I'm just looking for reassurance!

I am single after a long term relationship. Once restrictions are lifted I feel ready to 'get back out there' however I'm really embarrassed about how my, ahem, private area looks. My ex made a very very nasty comment about it and it's made me very paranoid (although to be fair I wasn't that confident about it anyway).

I'm in my mid 30's and for the first time considering cosmetic surgery (labiaplasty). I have asked a couple of friends if they changed 'down there' after giving birth but nope, seems for everyone else everything that is meant to be hidden, is!

I know bodies are all different, I suppose what I'm really asking is how common is this? I think I would be able to accept it if I knew a future partner had likely come across it before.

I know it's not a very polite thing to ask people so even if there are any midwives or doctors (or even just men that have had numerous partners!) that could maybe tell me how common it is and (well I suppose this is more directed at men) if it puts people off? It's definitely putting me off ever getting intimate with someone again!

We need a diagram.

Oh sorry I thought this was a parking thread

Really, I think what we have 'down there' is anatomy - and if it mostly does the job it is designed to do then there is nothing to worry about.
What I would worry about is that your ex is such a revolting piece of scum - please make sure you don't find another one like that.

seems for everyone else everything that is meant to be hidden, is!

I think most women have some inner lips etc poking out of their outer labia, it's completely normal.

I haven't had children, but when I was younger only one inner lip was visible in that way. My partner said this was unusual (not in a bad way.) In my 40s the other lip has become visible too. So yes, stuff can change with age or whatever, and it's fine.

Your ex was abusive.

Try and make sure you're with a decent guy if you get a new partner. He won't be like that about your normal body.

Your ex just said that to mess with your head.

I’m not sure calling it common is the right word, purely because there is no one type of vagina to be ‘common’ but yes, the ‘inside lips’ aren’t always tucked away on the inside.

I was shown a chart by my ex-boyfriend on lots of different vaginas (off to find it now to post it here 😂) and while sat with a group of lads not one of them had an issue with any of the vaginas. They did just simply (and vulgarly) point out which vaginas they’d come across. Again, no one had a bad thing to say.

I do think that the ‘perfect porn vagina’ and thinking that men ‘expect that’ is becoming a h to img of the past. All men know that vaginas look like savage kebabs at the end of the day 😁

Spend your money on something much more wise, like 252 bottles of gin, 6 different designer handbags, enrolment onto a university course to learn something new? Who needs a labiaplasty when you could have 252 bottles of gin?!

Love yourself!

I have what we call in my friendship group a “sticky outy”! As in everything is visible and I love my fanny it’s a thing of beauty! However my best friend years ago had a labioplasty. She got me to look at hers many times and I just really honestly could not see what she was concerned about. I thought it looked great. I told her so. However she still went ahead and had her operation and it made her happier- I was supportive of her decision as it made her feel better about herself so why not? I have had lipo and everyone I know has said how ridiculous it is and that I was fine but I wanted it to feel better about myself- and I do! Same when I got my boobs done, and recently the tiny bit of Botox and lip filler (such a small amount that unless you knew me extremely well you really wouldn’t notice but I notice!) so- whatever makes you feel better! People telling you how much they like “sticky outy” fannies aren’t going to take away your insecurities about it for long. So either you can learn to love it, or you can have the operation. Either is ok!

You might be amazed what huge variation there is in the outward appearance of women's genitals.If you want to check, look on google images.

We are what we are, and we're good enough. Even  if we haven't bleached our arses.

We are what we are, and we're good enough. Even if we haven't bleached our arses.

Picture N18. Is it not rubbing against the underwear?

@truthisalie Good question, perhaps different people aren’t bother by it- I suppose if you’ve grown up with it touching your underwear then you’d never know any different?

Thank you so much again for your stories, links and advice. I've decided to cancel the telephone appointment and learn to be comfortable about the way my body is so thank you all

Yay! Good for you OP

@truthisalie

Picture N18. Is it not rubbing against the underwear?

Labia are soft. When packed into pants, they don't dangle down as far. And as the pants fit snugly against your bottom, they don't rub any more than they do against a penis, or any more than a bra does against your breasts.*

*disclaimer: I don't have that shaped labia, or a penis, but I have a human body and have seen other human bodies before.

Thanks ravenmum, for explaining so well. Like your disclaimer.

I always remember this question. Think it was on Reddit

Asking men whether they were out off by small boobs and what kind of boobs did they think were the best

There were literally thousands of guys who just said. Whatever ones I’m allowed to touch! Basically they don’t give a shiny shit! Men like boobs. They like vaginas. I don’t think any of them care what they look like.

It reassured lots of women on there. Some incredibly funny replies.

So I wouldn’t worry lovely. As long as it works like it’s supposed too. Ignore the ex. He sounds so insecure!

Mine has always been quite hangy, proper 'beef curtains'. After 3 vaginal birthdays it's not only hangy but 'frilly'. I am not really bothered, it's still a wonderful gift that any man should be grateful to get an eyeful of😘

Come to this late, but really pleased to see your final post , op!
Watch 100 Vaginas on All4 :)

Your ex was an arse btw!

Well done OP, stay strong. Don't listen to his abusive voice.

Watch 100 Vaginas on All4

@TaraR2020 Ooh, just looked on there. Looks like there are quite a few interesting programmes up. Thanks for the tip.

'Bring back the bush' is one. If we did that there mightn't be this extent of scrutiny of the intricate details of our pee flaps.

@Wherearemymarbles

google the great wall of vagina.

Plaster casts of hundred of vulva’s. An inch or so is really nothing usual.

I’ve had a few partners and have never once thought, nah I don't fancy that much!! I can see why you are self conscious, vile comment by your ex. But think of this, just about all men worry about their cocks, will it perform, will it go off too quickly, will she nickname me justin??

Its normal to feel nervous.

Justin! 🤣🤣🤣

Take a look at the great Wall of vaginas. Plaster casts made of 100s of labia. www.greatwallofvagina.co.uk/great-wall-vagina-panels
You're quite normal I assure you, you're ex is an arsehole and I can assure you the majority of men are ecstatic to get a dip in any vaginas

@Jackie2022

To be honest, this sounds cliche but if the guy likes you he won’t care

I have no concerns about mine, but I read things on Twitter all the time. Guys talk about how they like “neat ones” and the next day talk about how they like “meaty ones” (😬). I don’t think there’s a consensus

I don’t think men discuss their girlfriends fannies. They may pass comment on the barmaids norkage but they mainly talk about football, golf or cricket. Altho occasionally they’ll stray into beach volleyball.

Mine are like this! It didn't even occur to me that it might not be 100% normal and common to be honest!

Yesterday my 3yo wandered in while I was in the shower and asked me what my dangly bits were

Thanks everyone! Have been reading/looking at stuff online and I'm now wondering why it took me so long to do that instead of just feeling insecure.

I genuinely feel soooo much better about it and it's thanks to the people on this post so thank you so much again!

Thanks back to you embarassssed, it is nice to have a positive thread :)

OP, that sounds like a very unpleasant incident and I can understand why you're upset.

You're learning the wrong lesson from it though. The lesson is that you should not let a man anywhere near you sexually unless he is showing you total respect.

The lesson is not that there is anything wrong with your genitals.

Let's imagine you did have the world's dangliest labia, if it bothered you or rubbed on your clothes and made you uncomfortable, that would be a reason to consider surgery.

I can't imagine ever, ever saying something like he said to you. Can you imagine telling him his cock looked like a mongoose and him sitting about it now, moping and looking up surgeons? Nope.

If I really didn't like the look of someone's genitals, if it was a casual relationship I might drift away(if it was that much of a deal breaker) and if it was a serious relationship I probably just wouldn't spend much time gawping at them.

The man was being an arse & going for the low shot.
I had my inner labia pierced so they were quite noticeable. I'd been into the idea for a while then met a lover who was equally into it & we egged each other on. At one point I had 10 piercings from the neck down and some of his were very stimulating!
I took the more intimate ones out as the next man chipped a tooth. Having smear tests was no problem.
I don't know if men are this critical of their bodies especially when they're getting down to it. In my experience they just enjoy it the attention. Most women on the other hand will tense up when you get to a bit of their body that they're insecure about.
Us women are our own worst enemies.