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Original poster

Intimate body part question

199 replies

embaressssed · 22/02/2021 19:51

Hi

I know this is a very private matter so please feel free to ignore (and not post to just call me a weirdo for asking), I think I'm just looking for reassurance!

I am single after a long term relationship. Once restrictions are lifted I feel ready to 'get back out there' however I'm really embarrassed about how my, ahem, private area looks. My ex made a very very nasty comment about it and it's made me very paranoid (although to be fair I wasn't that confident about it anyway).

I'm in my mid 30's and for the first time considering cosmetic surgery (labiaplasty). I have asked a couple of friends if they changed 'down there' after giving birth but nope, seems for everyone else everything that is meant to be hidden, is!

I know bodies are all different, I suppose what I'm really asking is how common is this? I think I would be able to accept it if I knew a future partner had likely come across it before.

I know it's not a very polite thing to ask people so even if there are any midwives or doctors (or even just men that have had numerous partners!) that could maybe tell me how common it is and (well I suppose this is more directed at men) if it puts people off? It's definitely putting me off ever getting intimate with someone again!

OP posts:
Dontfuckingsaycheese · 22/02/2021 22:54

They mentioned this site here on Woman's Hour. It's been a recent feature. Labia anxiety. Or maybe vulva..

duffeldaisy · 22/02/2021 22:59

"Couldn't pick mine out of a line up."

The thought of this made me laugh a lot - visions of a cartoon version of The Usual Suspects-style criminal labia. Grin
Thanks!

Hopeisnotastrategy · 22/02/2021 23:11

@ravenmum

So your question is "How common is it for a man to be put off by looking at a vagina"?
Genau.
B3ttyBoop · 22/02/2021 23:12

Your ex was a nasty man who had no clue about women's private parts. About 15yrs ago i noticed alot more aticles on labia surgery and how to improve the appearance of your fanny! . Some people think the fashion for waxing and trimming pubic hair and an excess of internet porn contributed to this. When it's buried under alot of hair, you can't see it. Now it's become something else to feel self conscious about.

Laurajane1987 · 22/02/2021 23:13

Unless he had a dick akin to that of a Greek god that was so beautiful to behold that you melted into tears every single time he revealed it, then he had absolutely no room to talk. Vaginas come in all shapes and sizes my labia protrudes more now post kids and I don't care, it's also torn next to my clitoris and I don't care. And neither does anyone else, it all functions and I tend to not have it on show in Tesco anyways. Don't dare think about going under the knife for a creature that sports a shrivelled brain sack between their legs. And thinks with an apendage that clearly has more going on than his actual brain. He said it to hurt you and it did so he's winning. So glad he's your ex xx

moanieleminx · 22/02/2021 23:20

@Laurajane1987

Unless he had a dick akin to that of a Greek god that was so beautiful to behold that you melted into tears every single time he revealed it, then he had absolutely no room to talk. Vaginas come in all shapes and sizes my labia protrudes more now post kids and I don't care, it's also torn next to my clitoris and I don't care. And neither does anyone else, it all functions and I tend to not have it on show in Tesco anyways. Don't dare think about going under the knife for a creature that sports a shrivelled brain sack between their legs. And thinks with an apendage that clearly has more going on than his actual brain. He said it to hurt you and it did so he's winning. So glad he's your ex xx
This!!! What a nasty Twat your ex is.

We are all different and that is part of the fun.
I have similar body type to you and the only people who have ever been unkind about it where my classmates in the shower.

Don't let one bad egg spoil your fun. My DH loves it, as did my ex.

SplendidSuns1000 · 22/02/2021 23:21

If you really feel strongly about it, and want to change it for your own benefit then absolutely go for it.

If you're looking into invasive surgery for a potential partner's approval, don't. I promise you, no man gives a shit and if he says he does, he doesn't.

Cocks are often hideous things, you don't see men getting theirs snipped about to make them prettier for their partner's gaze.

wewillmeetagain · 22/02/2021 23:23

Ex midwife here. They come in all shapes and sizes, there is no such thing as normal. Your ex was a horrible twat and is most definitely more abnormal than your labia.

Musmerian · 22/02/2021 23:26

Any man who makes negative comments about any aspect of a woman’s appearance is a twat. Seriously, who cares what your labia looks like? I’ve never even considered this nor have I ever shaved my pubes. You’re fine. He’s a plonker.

Jagzorx · 22/02/2021 23:28

I'm a female health professional so I see lots of ladygardens. Trust me, it's very common to have inner labia protrude out past the outer labia. I'd say about 50% of the ones I've seen! I'm convinced the reason that some men act like this is because of porn portraying the "ideal" vulva. I've noticed an increase in young girls (teens/early 20's) who hate their bits because men have said something ignorant. I assume, of course, every one of these men must have perfectly proportioned penises!
(I think it's a bit rich for any human in posession of a scrotum to comment on the attractiveness of someone elses genitals #turkeyneck)

If you want to have surgery, do it for you my lovey. Not a man. Your body your choice xx

thosetalesofunexpected · 22/02/2021 23:29

Hi. Op

Your ex Partner was emotionally abusive manipulative Arsehole

Who had huge insecurity issues of his Own,that he was Protecting (inflicting) in to you.

As women,we come in all different varieties and shades,(just like men come in all different sizes,slightly different variations op.

I don't mean to be crude,but I can amagine your ex partner had either insecurity complex aswell about the size/shape of his penis,😕

Or
about something else about his body shape or something else op?

KILNAMATRA · 22/02/2021 23:32

All surgery has it risks, clots, infection, pain, nerve damage, so buy your fanny a good vibrator !! And enjoy the fun it can give you without any verbal shite from wanker ex... anyway men generally want to insert it! Most don’t want to inspect it!!

OhGuardian · 22/02/2021 23:33

@IsThePopeCatholic

Porn’s toxic influence - again. Be proud of your body, op, and grateful that your horrible ex is an ex.
Yep.
chocoholic2021 · 22/02/2021 23:35

@angel0071987

Watch naked attraction. Whole host of different bodies and all beautiful. :)
A good idea, might help to put your mind at ease a little.
Original poster
embaressssed · 22/02/2021 23:48

Thank (most of you) you so, so much! I'm overwhelmed at your support/kindness, I'm sorry I can't reply to everyone individually.

I really wasn't sure whether to post but I went as far as booking a telephone consultation regarding it for next week but I wasn't sure if it was the right thing.

To answer a few questions - this is not my first post, I am a long term mumsnetter but changed my username for this. I haven't posted anything about pubic hair on another thread (I shave fully in case anyone is interested which probably doesn't help hiding the size Grin )

With regards to me using the word 'hidden', yes you are correct, I have not seen another woman's private parts unless it's been on TV so I don;t really know what the norm is (now I know there's not one!) and think I just used the term hidden because it's referred to 'inner' labia and it didn't start to look this way until my 20s. I was a bit paranoid about it then but after my exes comment a few years ago it's kind of snowballed and heightened even more now I feel I'm ready to date again (when I can).

Thank you so much again for your stories, links and advice. I've decided to cancel the telephone appointment and learn to be comfortable about the way my body is so thank you all for taking the time to comment Smile

OP posts:
truthisalie · 22/02/2021 23:48

OP, if you think it'd make you happier and more confident then I don't see a problem with the surgery. Some women also reduce inner labia because their labia is prone to inflammation due to rubbing. So not only because of cosmetic reasons.

truthisalie · 22/02/2021 23:55

Watch naked attraction. Whole host of different bodies and all beautiful

I watched it once and no, not everyone should have shown everything for everyone to see.

dottiedaisee · 22/02/2021 23:57

TBH I have never worried about how my vagina looks ..I have never realised it was something to thnk about!!

BitOfFun · 22/02/2021 23:59

I'm so glad to read your update, @embaressssed. Good for you.

Gerberageri · 23/02/2021 00:06

@embaressssed I'm pleased to know you feel happier. If you worry again I'd ask your GP or nurse, like someone said your body your choice but a medical professional will give you a balanced view that you can weigh up if you speak to someone on the cosmetic side. They are a business at the end of the day.

I hope you learn to love your bits, not even necessarily how they look but how your body is healthy and works as it should. That man, he had some problems and they shouldn't be yours!

Enough4me · 23/02/2021 00:09

It's great that you are thinking about you and not some nasty comment.

I used online dating (OLD) for a few years, now with a partner and it opened my eyes to the crap that men can spout when they want to feel that they are better and have a last dig. For example, "you are too...needy, short, sexual, not sexual enough, ...insert criticism".

Your labia is fine unless it stops you enjoying sex. If he hadn't said that he would have picked on something else to tell you that he's better than you. Shut the door on it and open new ones.

Gobbeldegook · 23/02/2021 00:12

Mines fucking hideous. Dh doesn't mind though. Can't see it when he's in it 🤣 he's never commented negatively on it either.
Your ex is an arsehole.
All fannies are different. Most look revolting. The odd lass is lucky enough to be neatly wrapped.

StoppinBy · 23/02/2021 00:16

I have a well and truly outtie....recently my hubby and I have started....ahem...expanding our sexual life with other people.

I haven't had any complaints and actually regularly see a guy who loves mine.

P.S It's far easier to find my clitoris as its prominant.....bonus lol. Hard as it is to forget what your ex said, he was a jerk and he will be in the tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny minority of men not to see the beauty in any vulva that they are allowed to see.

Get out there, enjoy yourself... and don't let your concerns bother you to the point you can't enjoy it, so many ranges of normal that there is no normal :-)

Redruby2020 · 23/02/2021 00:20

@DogsSausages

You want men who have had numerous partners to tell you what types of fannies they prefer
🤣🤣🤣🤣 Come on, anyone who read my post recently where I got absolutely slated for it will back me up this is worse than mine 😀
Sakurami · 23/02/2021 00:24

I've always felt that vulvas were rather ugly but men seem to love them because they are seem very keen to see them, touch and be in them lol.

My labia isn't symmetric, and have a slight tear and even a bit of prolapse and hasn't affected my sex life at all. Since splitting with my ex I've had several boyfriends and they all seem pretty keen. One thing is that things aren't as tight as they were so I think I would probably struggle with a smaller man whereas pre kids that would have been an advantage as I was a bit too tight.

Ignore the idiot of your ex and don't worry about it, it is normal and enjoy.

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