Intimate body part question

[embaressssed]

Hi

I know this is a very private matter so please feel free to ignore (and not post to just call me a weirdo for asking), I think I'm just looking for reassurance!

I am single after a long term relationship. Once restrictions are lifted I feel ready to 'get back out there' however I'm really embarrassed about how my, ahem, private area looks. My ex made a very very nasty comment about it and it's made me very paranoid (although to be fair I wasn't that confident about it anyway).

I'm in my mid 30's and for the first time considering cosmetic surgery (labiaplasty). I have asked a couple of friends if they changed 'down there' after giving birth but nope, seems for everyone else everything that is meant to be hidden, is!

I know bodies are all different, I suppose what I'm really asking is how common is this? I think I would be able to accept it if I knew a future partner had likely come across it before.

I know it's not a very polite thing to ask people so even if there are any midwives or doctors (or even just men that have had numerous partners!) that could maybe tell me how common it is and (well I suppose this is more directed at men) if it puts people off? It's definitely putting me off ever getting intimate with someone again!

Surely OP you can see that this nasty man was just saying something to upset you. That was his aim. If not your labia it would have been your bum or nose or belly. Why would you give credibility to anything when it was said purely fir the reason to upset
you

Mine wasn’t sewn back together very well after my baby. It’s definitely wonky and hangs lower one one side! It can get quite sore from time to time but I’ve heard a few bad stories about labiaplasty - basically you can’t put it back once it’s gone! Some women end up in a lot of pain because it’s too tight or terrible issues with pee spraying in all directions without the inner labia to channel it!
I think I’ve resigned myself to learning to love it...

Some men are utter arseholes.

I have one inner labia that sticks out more than the other, though both protrude to some extent.

I've had a fair few male partners in my time and none of them have ever commented. Also none of them gave a shit whether I removed any hair.

Men who spout such bollocks should be blacklisted by woman-kind.

Well if it makes you feel any better OP mine appear to hang out a little - like a pair of spaniels ears. In the past I’ve thought ‘if only I could give them a wee trim’ they’d look a bit prettier!

But then I think, we’re all different shapes and sizes and any man worth his salt wouldn’t give a shit what it looks like.

As humans it’s almost innate to want perfection for ourselves but the reality we don’t seek it in our partners.

Any man that’s been with a lot of women will have seen it all before anyway and any man that hasn’t had many partners won’t know the difference anyway and what’s ‘normal’ or not

Before you consider surgery have a read of these sites.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/resources/idt-sh/Why_I_Photographed_100_Vulvas

www.healthline.com/health/womens-health/lopsided-vagina

Nobody worth shagging that is in the fortunate position of having a look is going to have an opinion on aesthetics.

It's just something a moron has deliberately said to make you feel bad about yourself.

Watch naked attraction. Whole host of different bodies and all beautiful.

Absolutely this!

I have only watched it once but I am embarrassed to admit that as a female I didn’t realise there was such a range of shapes and sizes.

OP, I personally don't think anyone should ever have an operation because of someone else's opinion. I think it's a dark road to go down and you might end up wanting to change more about yourself.
He's one person and it's his opinion/taste.
Please consider this.
Let's face it, penises aren't exactly perfect either are they - but I'll bet you'd never think to persuade a man to have it altered under the knife - that's simply daft.
Your ex (good to hear) is just sharing his likes and dislikes and sounds like he needs to grow up. He said it to make you feel small. Don't let him win.

@barbedwired

Fear not, after the menopause, the labia shrink back and virtually disappear.

You'll miss it then

Really???

Mine does a bit. I'd say just under an inch. I never really thought about it.

Just an awful thing to say to someone. One insensitive comment can have such a crushing effect. Everybody's body is different and unique. Some people have become finicky in this ever critical and superficial world. Beauty is definitely on the inside. Any man of any worth will accept you for who you are, insecure wankers can jog on.

Without any doubt, a man who has real chemistry will not be worrying about inner labia and where they are!

When you give birth, the outer labia can get stretched in the crowning of the head in particular. Everything later can end up more on show.

Look, whatever man you have, he needs to love and fancy women, snd you in particular. He needs to love the fact that you are not quite so hidden away any more.

I don't get how it's 'ugly'. All labia look nice I think. Especially to someone who likes you!

Also mine doesn’t stick out - which I am self conscious of as I think do I have massive fanny flaps that cover everything which isn’t normal! I guess you always think the grass is greener!

See this whole vaginal atrophy thing had hot me worried. After my first, I was in agony. I don’t know if it was hormones from BF or the episiotomy but I hope to goodness it won’t be like that again.

I had a labiaplasty 18 months ago and it has made me so much more confident. No one ever said anything but I was very self conscious about it. Recovery was a bit tougher than I'd anticipated but all went well. I'm so happy with it now. I've never told a soul in real life. I tried to live with it and not worry I really did.. but at the age of 38 I thought stuff this, I want to feel confident.

I have asked my best friend who is a gynae nurse and my male partner about this on occasion, and both have said that most they've seen are with longer labia minora than majora. So no, I really wouldn't worry if I were you.

As a doctor I've seen a lot of labias but even more penises and testicles.

Yet to see a set of male genitalia that didn't look like an evolutionary mistake and I say this as a heterosexual woman. Honestly, are any of them attractive? It's a miracle the human race has reproduced at all if it was based on prettiness of male genitals.

Your ex knew it would hurt you and that's why he said it.

I think I can see why he had multiple partners before you, he was a rather unpleasant man who got dumped a lot. Honestly his comments say far more about his self confidence than your lady bits.

if it matters to you & you are able to improve it then why not?

The cost. The buying in to fascist, misogynist, porn-birthed "beauty" ideas. The unnecessary risk of anaesthetic, infection, and complications. The sheer stupidity of risking fucking up a perfectly beautiful, functional and natural part of your body because of some dicksmack who would have found something to insult even if his partner were a supermodel.

I’m definitely an outie not an innie. No guy has ever said anything about mine. Was a bit paranoid when I was younger, but several partners later I’m happy with the way I am. I just asked my boyfriend (who incidentally has quite a fair amount of foreskin, not that it bothers me a jot) and he said “it’s a fanny. We love them all.” So there you go.

What @Babamamananarama said was hilarious and totally true. Im sure you have nothing to worry about no one’s perfect and I bet your cruel ex was not! A decent man will love you and your frilly bits!

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. If it all functions well down there then leave it well alone. Plenty of women have tearing and scaring after childbirth and scar tissue can be really problematic. My labia would have to protrude all the way down to my knees before I considered cosmetic surgery on such a delicate body part. Seriously don’t do it.

don’t speak to him again but if you do Tell him his penis is small.

I don’t think most men even look or notice, just happy to have a naked lady in front of them.

But if it makes you happy get it done.

OP, alot of men actually LOVE larger labia. I'm not joking. Many, many men worship larger lips and find them extremely sexy and a huge turn on. And to echo what everyone else has said, any decent person wouldn't care or notice anyway. I'm bisexual and I've never, ever looked at another person's genitals and thought 'hmm, I'd rather it was bigger/smaller/neater/less hairy' etc etc. Your ex was a complete knob, and he has said this because he knew exactly how it would make you feel, and you are letting him win. Embrace those lips girl.

'Everything that is meant to be hidden'? What? I don't think you have a grasp on normal anatomy I'm afraid.