Intimate body part question

[embaressssed]

Hi

I know this is a very private matter so please feel free to ignore (and not post to just call me a weirdo for asking), I think I'm just looking for reassurance!

I am single after a long term relationship. Once restrictions are lifted I feel ready to 'get back out there' however I'm really embarrassed about how my, ahem, private area looks. My ex made a very very nasty comment about it and it's made me very paranoid (although to be fair I wasn't that confident about it anyway).

I'm in my mid 30's and for the first time considering cosmetic surgery (labiaplasty). I have asked a couple of friends if they changed 'down there' after giving birth but nope, seems for everyone else everything that is meant to be hidden, is!

I know bodies are all different, I suppose what I'm really asking is how common is this? I think I would be able to accept it if I knew a future partner had likely come across it before.

I know it's not a very polite thing to ask people so even if there are any midwives or doctors (or even just men that have had numerous partners!) that could maybe tell me how common it is and (well I suppose this is more directed at men) if it puts people off? It's definitely putting me off ever getting intimate with someone again!

@barbedwired

Fear not, after the menopause, the labia shrink back and virtually disappear.

You'll miss it then

This is not true 😂😂😂

If you're anywhere near London, this place is worth a visit, if they're still open post-COVID.

www.vaginamuseum.co.uk/

Sounds to me as if he was simply looking for a way to be hurtful. There is no "normal" down there, there is only "normal to me, and that's the long and the short of it. And there are men who find large inner labia to be the pinnacle of lovely female genitalia. For the most part, most men think that if it is warm, wet and willing, it's perfectly fine. Sorry for being so very direct, but that's the truth.

I think like the parking topics we need a diagram 😂

My inner labia is about 4-5cm. Apparently anything between 0 and 6 cm is normal. I had a nasty comment about it when I was with a boyfriend who was 17 but that was because he was a dick. But no other men have said anything negative and on the contrary most seemed to like my lady bits.

I would never get a labiaplasty. Did you know that the longer your inner labia are, the more orgasmic you can be? You have more nerve endings if you have more to your labia.

There's something very sad about cutting that off to match an aesthetic ideal.

I think you should prioritise your own pleasure and find a partner who does the same.

I dont think the reports of ex's saying stupid things about women's vulvas are only a result of porn. I agree porn can be problematic, but I think it might also be due to the rising popularity of "negging". Obviously its always been a thing, but now there are (lowlife) men on the internet specifically advising other (lowlife) men and boys on the internet to hurt their partners feelings in order to manipulte them better. So, of course the lowlifes that follow that advice are going to criticise you were it hurts (and because they are normally sensitive to their own genitalia being criticised thats what they will go for)

Additionally I would worry that if you got surgery then you would be reminded of your ex every time you saw/felt your changed labia and that would not be good!

I have protruding ones, I rather like them! I think they are a smart design - they form a waterproof seal to protect my intimate areas and keep it all clean. Women are very diverse down there, but noone should shame you. That man was not worthy of your undercrackers.

Midwife here so I see a LOT of female anatomy, it is VERY normal and VERY common to have protruding inner labia. Your ex is an idiot!

Men should mind their own business. Their bits don't look all the same either.

OP, I'm very 'neat'. Always have been. It has literally been of no benefit other than being one body part I don't feel self conscious about and the only one that very few people ever see! 🤷🏻‍♀️

I can certainly say that my 'neatness' has never been complimented or commented on positively. No one has ever sighed a huge sigh of relief. No man has ever compared me favourably with an ex in that department.

As far as men are concerned, it seems to be a complete non issue!

@fantasmasgoria1

My very abusive exh told me mine was not normal. He said my vaginal opening was a fair amount further back than other women and my labia was abnormal in size and shape. After I had split with him and had gone for a coil change I actually told the doctor what my ex had said and asked him how badly abnormal it was. And he said its absolutely normal and my opening was in the same place as other women's. Obviously that was another way to abuse me and make me feel even more insecure about my body. I have little body confidence even now. It sounds like he was be abusive towards you.

Well in fairness, women's vaginal openings do tend to be further back than those on sex dolls .

I don't agree with the comments re porn (not that I'm pro porn) ... I used to watch it and there is every shape of vulva on there.

In any case, any man who comments should be told that he can comment when he has an 8 inch long, 7 inch circumference, perfectly shaped dick.

Back on porn; from what I've seen - not only see is there every shape of vulva, there is every age, body type etc. Men would have to continuously click on certain vids, and click away from others in order to watch only porn with eg teens/large boobs/tiny, "flat" vulvas etc.

So my conclusion about men who fixate on/judge etc. particular things like this, is that they are - in themselves ; the type to be body fascists, as it were.

How sad it is that you want surgery over what a horrible ex said to you. He said it to hurt you and make you insecure and it seems to have worked.

No woman's body is the same and it would be better to see this man as an insignificant twat rather than change who you are.

Hi Op. I have the same, the inner part of the Labia hangs lower than the outside. I've always been quite self conscious about it and also (not sure jf connected) used to get a lot of pain and had to wear special underwear when horse riding. But friends who work in beauty and do waxing assure me that it's perfectly normal and quite common.

Regardless, what is disgusting is actually a sexual partner making such a comment about your body. It sounds like he was trying to hurt you and knew exactly how to.

Despite my self consciousness, I've never had a partner comment, whether short or long term which leads me to believe they just don't care.

So your ex made a nasty comment. I bet he never turned down the offer of sex with you when he was with you? Thought not!

Why change yourself for a man who is an ex anyway??!!

@LivingDeadDoll

OP, I'm very 'neat'. Always have been. It has literally been of no benefit other than being one body part I don't feel self conscious about and the only one that very few people ever see! 🤷🏻‍♀️

I can certainly say that my 'neatness' has never been complimented or commented on positively. No one has ever sighed a huge sigh of relief. No man has ever compared me favourably with an ex in that department.

As far as men are concerned, it seems to be a complete non issue!

Is this a stealth fanny boast ? Your "neatness" ?

@Chocaholic9

My inner labia is about 4-5cm. Apparently anything between 0 and 6 cm is normal. I had a nasty comment about it when I was with a boyfriend who was 17 but that was because he was a dick. But no other men have said anything negative and on the contrary most seemed to like my lady bits.

I would never get a labiaplasty. Did you know that the longer your inner labia are, the more orgasmic you can be? You have more nerve endings if you have more to your labia.

There's something very sad about cutting that off to match an aesthetic ideal.

I think you should prioritise your own pleasure and find a partner who does the same.

Am I the only person who has never measured their labia ?

Do you really feel uncomfortable in your own skin, or has your ex planted that seed?

You should realise that he tried to kick you when you were down. Anyone with a coping mechanism as nasty as that, doesn't deserve an opinion in your head.

Personally, I wouldn't change anything through surgery, as long as it doesn't irritate your skin or cause any other physical discomfort.

Is this a stealth fanny boast ? Your "neatness" ?

FFS 🙄

No. That's why it's in quotes. That's how I've read the difference referred to before and avoided a lengthy description.

I can tell you that my inner labia are not visible if that's any better?

The point of my post was to say that no man has ever commented on it being a positive of a benefit or desirable or favourable.

Which you would have realised of you'd read that far rather than trying to point score.

The point was the OP's ex partner was an idiot and men clearly don't really give a shit.

@MrsWindass This is a thread about what labia look like. People don't want to post photos so are describing their labia to help OP understand that hers looks totally standard. That requires details such as how tucked up ("neat") or dangly they are. No boasting going on, and probably very little measurement, as most people can estimate that kind of length in centimetres.

Glad to hear that you're feeling a bit better about your bits OP! It's been interesting to me, too, as I thought the totally tucked-in version was rare among adults.

You want men who have had numerous partners to tell you what types of fannies they prefer

Why? So the men can verify she is 'normal' or not? I think women are experts on this far more than men, seeing as we all have one. And what exactly would she do with that information if they said which "they prefer?" Have surgery to accommodate them?

When are women going to start loving themselves and stop trying to please the same men who put them down and make them feel insecure about their bodies in the first place?

Op you are very normal. Please don't change yourself, you are perfect as you are x

I've not looked down there in a few years but I would think about your comfort
Is there rubbing or pain etc ? In which case go to gp.
I was listening to a podcast about women wanting labuaplasty and it was always promoted by horrid ex , comparisons to porn or social media , if you make an appointment with a plastic surgeon they will tell you you need surgery
Men don't care they will just be grateful you are in their life and willing to have sex with them !

Unless you yourself have genuine concerns about your labia (pain, rubbing etc in which case see your GP) then your labia are very normal and absolutely nothing at all to be concerned about. The fact that he felt the need to make such a horrible remark simply in order to put you in your place says far more about him than it will ever say about you or your vulva/vagina. He sounds like a horrible, horrible human being who doesn’t deserve the pleasure of ever being familiar with another set of labia in his life. It is perfectly fine to have a preference for what you like to see or feel, but you don’t put that on the person you are with nor voice it to them in such a manner. It is their problem to deal with (or not) and no one should ever have made you feel like the only possible way you will be attractive is to cut body parts off in order to please someone you are no longer with.