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Original poster

Intimate body part question

199 replies

embaressssed · 22/02/2021 19:51

Hi

I know this is a very private matter so please feel free to ignore (and not post to just call me a weirdo for asking), I think I'm just looking for reassurance!

I am single after a long term relationship. Once restrictions are lifted I feel ready to 'get back out there' however I'm really embarrassed about how my, ahem, private area looks. My ex made a very very nasty comment about it and it's made me very paranoid (although to be fair I wasn't that confident about it anyway).

I'm in my mid 30's and for the first time considering cosmetic surgery (labiaplasty). I have asked a couple of friends if they changed 'down there' after giving birth but nope, seems for everyone else everything that is meant to be hidden, is!

I know bodies are all different, I suppose what I'm really asking is how common is this? I think I would be able to accept it if I knew a future partner had likely come across it before.

I know it's not a very polite thing to ask people so even if there are any midwives or doctors (or even just men that have had numerous partners!) that could maybe tell me how common it is and (well I suppose this is more directed at men) if it puts people off? It's definitely putting me off ever getting intimate with someone again!

OP posts:
Chanandlerbong01 · 22/02/2021 20:27

Stop. Your ex made an unkind comment to be unkind, not because it is true. They are all different and if you meet someone that cares then you get rid of him. Your body is amazing and capable of some unbelievable things, don’t let some waste of time upset you.
We are made to be self conscious through various industries working to make a profit, not because there is anything wrong with us. Don’t do anything you feel uncomfortable with, wait until you feel ready and more confident with someone. If you aren’t ready to bare all you can always wear a nightie/nice underwear that makes you feel good to give you a boost.

barbedwired · 22/02/2021 20:27

Fear not, after the menopause, the labia shrink back and virtually disappear.

You'll miss it then

gnushoes · 22/02/2021 20:28

Be aware it can all shrink horribly in peri menopause- hate to think what would happen if you'd had labiaplasty. Your ex is a dick

Summerhillsquare · 22/02/2021 20:28

He made that remark BECAUSE he knew you were sensitive about it. If you were worried about your ears sticking out, or your feet being big, he'd have used that. He's a joy vampire. You're well rid.

IHateCoronavirus · 22/02/2021 20:32

Oh op, no advice just sending you a hug.
I am sure we all have parts of our body that we’d like to be more presentable. The thing is a decent person will like you regardless of those bits. We’re all of your previous partners perfect? Or did they have ‘flaws’ that you loved because they belonged to them?

As long as your labia are functioning without pain or discomfort, they are perfect as they are.

DuzzyFuck · 22/02/2021 20:32

@Babamamananarama

OP it is utterly normal and very common to have protruding labia.

It is not common at all to have a man as rude, offensive and poisonous as your ex.

The useless waste of skin here is your ex, not your fanny flaps.

HTH.

This!! ^^^

If I was the type of person to really kick a man when he was down, I'd probably tell him he had a small dick. Would it be true? Likely not. Would it affect his self-esteem more than anything else I could say? Almost certainly. This is what your ex has done, nothing more or less. Don't worry a minute more about it x

JustAnotherOldMan · 22/02/2021 20:33

Most men really don’t care
I’ve seen a few vaginas ( not that many), and they are all bit different, but who cares when you have an actual bare naked lady in front of you

Lurkingforawhile · 22/02/2021 20:33

I had no idea that could happen in menopause. I've also just checked out the 100 vulvas project. How brilliant and empowering. Good luck OP, am sure you will find someone who is less of an arse and who loves your body.

Bagelsandbrie · 22/02/2021 20:33

Oh yes it all changes during the peri menopause and beyond. I always remember having a super cringeworthy conversation with my Mum where she said she’d never let anyone be intimate with her again because everything had changed down there so much (she was about 60 then I think and been single for ages) and it completely held her back from meeting anyone because she was so worried about what someone would think. So sad. I’m not sure the guys she would have been meeting would have had the bodies of a Greek
God or whatever but anyway... Sex isn’t about having a perfect body. Good sex should be for all bodies.

IHateCoronavirus · 22/02/2021 20:34

Ok, wait a minute. Why does no one tell you this stuff? So, after menopause they shrink? Does that not cause issues?

hellywelly3 · 22/02/2021 20:36

Look at the 100 vulva project it will be very reassuring. Just don’t look at porn that’s like comparing a mini to a Porsche

NoBetterthanSheShouldBe · 22/02/2021 20:36

15 years post menopause here and yet to notice any shrinkage...which would be very visible!
Always assumed everyone else was the same as me and never been criticised by anyone.

kleew1 · 22/02/2021 20:37

OP I hated all of mine really stopped me getting relations etc. Got a vagino and labiaplasty. I don't regret it but also really don't think it was worth it. But pretty easy and pain free (the labia not the inner). Happy to answer any questions on it.

IsThePopeCatholic · 22/02/2021 20:38

Porn’s toxic influence - again. Be proud of your body, op, and grateful that your horrible ex is an ex.

winterchills · 22/02/2021 20:38

I know how you feel mines the same 😩

Bungal00 · 22/02/2021 20:39

I used to have this issue... not due to birth just one labia is much bigger than the other and it's just a messy looking thing. My first sexual experience, the guy I was with looked down at my fanjo, looked back up at my face in shock/horror and went totally limp. It fucked me up and I prayed for the money for labia surgery, but do you know what? My fanny saved me that day from what would have been a horrible first time with an absolute bellend minger. I thank her everyday. I'd never change her, although I wish I'd commit myself to kegals. Every other partner has been more than enthusiastic. It's true, the more partners a man has in real life the more accustomed they are to what a real fanny looks like. If I had money for surgery my ugly fanny is the last thing i'd change. This is definitely a part of the body you should learn to love, because I don't think most men actually care what a foof looks like.

barbedwired · 22/02/2021 20:40

Mine has dissappeared Sadso speaking from experience, it used to stick out

ravenmum · 22/02/2021 20:41

I've always had long labia - seems to be an advantage if they are going to start shrinking soon. Guess it must be a bit odd if you weren't like that before, but I've never had any comments.

BaggoMcoys · 22/02/2021 20:41

I used to be self conscious about mine for the same reason as you op, and I felt even more self conscious after having my DD because things did change and it took some time for the scarring to settle down in my case too.

Although I worried, nobody has ever said anything negative about me, I think I was worrying based on unrealistic ideas I had - it's not like I've ever seen another woman down there, and I'm not a porn watcher, but I had the general idea that the inner labia shouldn't be visible and that something was wrong with me. More than one partner has actually complimented how I look down there, so it doesn't seem that protruding labia are a problem to men generally. I think your ex is just a nasty piece of work tbh.

Hope4theBestPlan4theWorst · 22/02/2021 20:42

Omg 😮
Do not go under the knife because one idiot made a horrible comment

Anyone decent and who cared wouldn't be bothered

I hope you meet someone really
Lovely who loves you as you are 💕

Bagelsandbrie · 22/02/2021 20:44

@IHateCoronavirus

Ok, wait a minute. Why does no one tell you this stuff? So, after menopause they shrink? Does that not cause issues?
Lots of issues. Not for all women but many women.

Google vaginal atrophy. Many women experience recurrent urine infections, pain and severe dryness which causes irritation even when walking. HRT and internal oestrogen creams can help.

Original poster
embaressssed · 22/02/2021 20:44

@Babamamananarama that made me chuckle!

Thank you all so much, you've all really helped and given me a different perspective. Going to have a look at the 100 vulva project just now.

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 22/02/2021 20:45

His comments about your body are ALL about him and NOTHING to do with you. Think about it, if he, for example, had longer foreskin would you have used this to hurt and humiliate him? Of course not! Because normal people don’t do that. We love our partners and accept their bodies.
Protruding inner labia are totally totally normal and men know this. Please don’t let this cruel man negatively affect your self esteem and self image. You are totally normal I promise!

fantasmasgoria1 · 22/02/2021 20:46

My very abusive exh told me mine was not normal. He said my vaginal opening was a fair amount further back than other women and my labia was abnormal in size and shape. After I had split with him and had gone for a coil change I actually told the doctor what my ex had said and asked him how badly abnormal it was. And he said its absolutely normal and my opening was in the same place as other women's. Obviously that was another way to abuse me and make me feel even more insecure about my body. I have little body confidence even now. It sounds like he was be abusive towards you.

hotchocolateismything · 22/02/2021 20:47

I have the opposite problem. My "inner lips" were sticking out my whole life and after giving birth they don't stick out anymore.

Anyone else experienced this? It's almost like the doctor gave my vagina "a lift" ( vagina lift instead of face lift).

Sorry, don't mean to hijack your thread. I bet you are beautiful and any normal guy won't care about the look of your vagina. They come in all shapes and forms and there is a large variety of "normal".