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Original poster

Intimate body part question

199 replies

embaressssed · 22/02/2021 19:51

Hi

I know this is a very private matter so please feel free to ignore (and not post to just call me a weirdo for asking), I think I'm just looking for reassurance!

I am single after a long term relationship. Once restrictions are lifted I feel ready to 'get back out there' however I'm really embarrassed about how my, ahem, private area looks. My ex made a very very nasty comment about it and it's made me very paranoid (although to be fair I wasn't that confident about it anyway).

I'm in my mid 30's and for the first time considering cosmetic surgery (labiaplasty). I have asked a couple of friends if they changed 'down there' after giving birth but nope, seems for everyone else everything that is meant to be hidden, is!

I know bodies are all different, I suppose what I'm really asking is how common is this? I think I would be able to accept it if I knew a future partner had likely come across it before.

I know it's not a very polite thing to ask people so even if there are any midwives or doctors (or even just men that have had numerous partners!) that could maybe tell me how common it is and (well I suppose this is more directed at men) if it puts people off? It's definitely putting me off ever getting intimate with someone again!

OP posts:
Whatflavourjellybabyisnice · 22/02/2021 21:45

@Abi86

"You want men who have had numerous partners to tell you what types of fannies they prefer"

Folks. Here’s an example of how not to respond to someone who is clearly reaching out for reassurance and what is a genuine concern to many. Perhaps a bit of compassion might be a better response or even nothing at all - keep moving along.

Exactly. I've felt like the OP before even when a man has never said anything bad about my body.
CoraPearl · 22/02/2021 21:46

Life is too short to be worrying about labia. If anyone is too insensitive to say anything derogatory about yours, ditch them as they're clearly telling you that they're not a good person. Most men don't care enough to comment, although that said, you would be surprised as to how many men do enjoy labia such as yours or 'meatier' labia, ones which are a world away from the plasticised ones seen in porn.

Unless yours are causing serious discomfort, there is no need to have surgery. Like penises, labia come in all shapes, sizes and variations; they're unique to the individual. Embrace this.

CoraPearl · 22/02/2021 21:49

A note re. menopause and vaginal atrophy/shrinking labia. It does not happen to everyone, and there are varying degrees of it too. The key to avoid it is to use HRT, particularly topical oestrogen.

nevernotstruggling · 22/02/2021 21:50

The useless waste of skin here is your ex, not your fanny flaps.

There's nothing more to say is there.

ShellieEllie · 22/02/2021 21:51

...and I bet his dick was a real picture! He was just being nasty, what he said is so not worth any headspace. We are all individual, embrace what you have!

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/02/2021 21:51

@PermanentTemporary

Pyong, he was lashing out to hurt me, and I knew he was hypersensitive about his dick size. I've got no interest in saying this crap to other people, it's wrong whoever does it.
I wouldnt be saying it to be mean, I would be asking the question genuinely!

But you've answered it, he obviously knew it was his size that was the issue and was vile to even try and push his own insecurity onto you. I am sorry that you lost him, but I wouldnt have been able to move past that.

EarthSight · 22/02/2021 21:52

The more I think about this the funnier it gets - can you just imagine a horny, red blooded man saying - 'God I find you so hot, but sorry, no. I can't do this. Look! I'm losing my erection now because your lips aren't perfectly symmetrical and they're sticking out'!

Spillanelle · 22/02/2021 21:52

The useless waste of skin here is your ex, not your fanny flaps

Haha. Exactly this!

@Babamamananarama you win Mumsnet today

MonochromeMinnie · 22/02/2021 21:54

Well not in my case, and I'm sure not for many others post menopause. The comments here have actually made me get the mirror out to have a look 😂. Maybe a bit of shrinkage but not much.

User583 · 22/02/2021 21:58

Do what you want to do OP, as long as it's for YOU and not someone else.

From childhood I had a very prominent and raised mole right on the crease between my leg and groin. It made me deeply self-conscious and when I became sexually active, unwilling to let any man down there with his face. It was ugly and ultimately looked like shit I hadn't wiped. I had it removed privately a couple of years ago and have felt much freer since. On the day it was removed I wanted to run down the high street with my pants off.

But I did it for ME. No man had ever mentioned or even acknowledged it. If you are considering any kind of surgery please make sure it's for your happiness rather than anyone else's, because the likelihood is that they haven't even noticed.

bumhug · 22/02/2021 22:01

I'm an intimate waxer so see ALOT of labia and vulvas. I liken them to belly buttons. Half of them are innies and half of them are outies.

CharlieBoo · 22/02/2021 22:03

Christ after an episiotomy and forcep delivery with my first baby, I know mine is a car crash down there, but i don’t care and I certainly wouldn’t be considering surgery.

BrilliantBetty · 22/02/2021 22:08

He was just a bully who hurt you with his words. It was him with the problem. He should get his attitude removed.

Lorw · 22/02/2021 22:10

I don’t have any inner flaps at all (literally none) and it makes me self conscious, so I think everyone is self conscious about something, I wish I had an ‘outie’ Grin

Everyone is different OP. Embrace it! ♥️

suggestionsplease1 · 22/02/2021 22:14

Completely normal and common. I sleep with women and most have had inner labia that protrude at least a little (especially when aroused) and the extent of fleshiness and length varies a great deal. One had some issues with cycling because of hers but you get saddles with cut outs that work really well for that.

Lotusmonster · 22/02/2021 22:18

Your ex was just a plain nasty dickhead. Nobody’s bits are an oil painting 🖼...I bet his looked like a bag of veg, but ‘sexiness’ is all about the person not their genitals. Do not go changing yourself on the back of this horrid mans stupid remarks.

Wherearemymarbles · 22/02/2021 22:22

google the great wall of vagina.

Plaster casts of hundred of vulva’s. An inch or so is really nothing usual.

I’ve had a few partners and have never once thought, nah I don't fancy that much!! I can see why you are self conscious, vile comment by your ex. But think of this, just about all men worry about their cocks, will it perform, will it go off too quickly, will she nickname me justin??

Its normal to feel nervous.

Mummybearsporridge · 22/02/2021 22:30

I was once told that my 'beef curtains' were disgusting by a horrible horrible man. Weird how he didn't care until I said I didn't want to see him anymore.
Ignore him OP, he said it to hurt you and it worked. I was hurt too and very self conscious, always have been. These blokes really aren't worth it

Closetbeanmuncher · 22/02/2021 22:31

(he had many partners before me and apparently I'm the most disgusting he's ever seen)

I hope you booted him and his played out prawn dick straight out of your life...

Seriously men will say any old shit when their puny little egos are bruised, don't give the repulsive little specimen or his venom another thought.

💐 For you and your beautiful vag 🙂

ArabellaScott · 22/02/2021 22:35

Christ, what an utter arsehole! Well shot of him, OP.

There's nothing wrong with your fanny. I can tell without looking.

Love yourself, be kind to yourself. Find a decent partner who makes you happy.

MuddyWalks · 22/02/2021 22:39

75% of women's labia minora protrude outside their labia majora.
It's the norm.
Most men love it; if they don't, simply open the door wide and let the looser run right out of it, back into the arms of his laptop...

shouldisay · 22/02/2021 22:40

Honestly OP I wouldn't worry one more second. Completely normal. My fanny closely resembles a badly packed kebab and doesn't put DP off one jot. Your ex is a dick.

Gerberageri · 22/02/2021 22:43

He sounds bloody horrible! Plenty of labia here! It's not meant to be 'tucked in' it just is how it is. I had a 3rd degree tear so have a small scar (luckily it wasn't a big tear although deep.) I've had two kids.

Labiaplasty has all sorts of problems, I can't imagine many men caring how you look (not ones you want anyway) but you don't want an op that is likely to make you uncomfortable, especially when you have sex. Be kind to yourself.

LicketySplat · 22/02/2021 22:49

I see a fair amount of vulvas at work. From the hundreds I have seen, I can recall only two or three that were extremely neat and tucked in with no protrusion of the labia minora. So I would say it is more common for the inner lips to protrude than not.

Porn is to blame for this issue with wanting neat, symmetrical labia. Colleagues who work at the local private hospital say that most of the operations carried out there are labiaplasties of late. The going rate is about £4000k apparently.

As others have mentioned, many men find large labia a turn on. There are Reddit groups for such tastes!

Theredone5 · 22/02/2021 22:50

Hi op
Mine is like yours well as you described.
Never had any issues.
Never thought about surgery, ita part of me. How I've been made. If somebody says something to make you feel shit, says alot about them and not you.