Dating Thread 200 - Spring is in the Air, Ghosters Beware

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I've never paid for any dating app. I do Bumble free.

Not that it's working.....so don't do what I do!

@VanGoghsDog thanks. I'm just not sure if I'm capable of feeling cherished, so rarely has it happened!
I think your post sounds amusing and Mr neck kisser sounds (not envy!)

You inflame me 🤮 Mr Neck Kisser has outdone himself this time 🤣🤣

I'm allowing myself the tiniest bit of excitement... Matched with Mr Music today and just chatted for over an hour. Lovely voice, into music and politics like me, kids similar ages, only 30-ish minutes apart. Tall. Agreed we'll meet for a walk on Saturday. So much can happen between now and then and I'm prepared for all manner of disappointments. But I'd love to meet him and look up at his 6'3" and hear his sexy voice irl.

Ooh @WeWantTheFinestWines - 6’3”!!! I love a tall man

@Eesha - regardless of whether you fancied then or not that’s an impressive number of likes! Told you your profile was hot!

@VanGoghsDog - bleurghhh to Mr Neck Kisser 🤢

@Misty9 I'd be telling him how you feel, he maybe doesn't realise he's become complacent. Depending on his reaction would then help me decide what to do but I'd always give someone the chance, especially during lockdown when there has to me some imagination involved to woo!

My thoughts on paid apps - when I've been on the apps I've never paid, but I have seen men I know in rl who have paid. Those men are clingy, needy types so it put me off the others who paid (just my experience of the few who I could see had paid). However I don't have the numbers when I did go OLD my pool was quite small - I matched with about 10 men, met 1 who I then went on to have a long term relationship with, since then I've only been on the apps to chat and boost my confidence (the paid men were still active and paying).

@UtterSocks thanks! Its a shame i didnt fancy anyone.

@frankiefirstyear

Im only really curious about paying for 1 month Tinder just to see who these are!

I see Bumble offer a lifetime subscription. I've not felt pessimistic enough to opt for that (yet). Imagine writing that profile "I'm in here for life... (swipe right and guess how far my profile photos are from my actual age)"

@UtterSocks Probably within the week, but we shall see (faint hints of the dreaded chat cooling ...)

I have the Monday blues!

Seeing Mr SAS tomorrow night which is good. He's just sent a rather filthy message.

I'm really missing interaction with Mr HT, we've had a couple of Facebook comments over the weekend and he did a quick check in Friday evening. In the last week we've communicated the least we ever had in the last couple of months. I've deliberately stepped back. His words say he wants casual, his actions sometimes agree with that, sometimes they don't.
It just makes me a bit sad. I'm holding strong though or at least trying to

@Eesha Tinder subscriptions are cheapest via the web - I think there's a surcharge when subscriptions are paid for via the various app stores. The subscription still applies to the account linked on your mobile device regardless.

@HairyArsedMan my (male) friend has a lifetime subscription to Bumble. I think it speaks volumes about a) their business model being based on nobody finding love and b) their dependence on a fatalistic attitude of never finding the one! Which judging from the players I met on there may be true (but that’s just me!)

Fingers crossed with Miss Mooch ...

Fuck online dating. I've been speaking to a guy the last few days. We actually spoke a year ago but with lockdown didnt meet. We arrange to meet tomorrow and he texted today to say hes not in a good place and doesn't want to meet anyone at the moment. Why even bother going online then ? I give up

@cravingthelook sorry you are feeling blue. Not knowing is the worst. I hate uncertainty.

It’s a year today since I first DTD with Mr Beard. I doubt he remembers but I was so excited all day at work and by the time I was sitting in the hotel bar waiting for him I literally couldn’t breathe. I know he was wrong for all the reasons, but god that was such a powerful feeling I can’t help wanting it back again one day. I know, I know - unrealistic and childish... 🥲

I’d send a card but doubt Hallmark are that specific 😂

I find they just want a counsellor and dont want to meet. I've resigned myself to being alone at 34 years of age. Thank god I have my child

@Misty9 What was he like when you first met? Clean clothes and clean house?

People make an effort at the start and then the real them comes out. This is clearly him.

Personally I find it disrespectful if a man doesn't make an effort, clean clothes at a minimum unless coming straight from work or planning on DIY.

I checked your other thread - no changing of sheets 🤢

Please dont think you have to stay with him because he 'puts up with you and your neurosis'

I do think men and women can be guilty of falling into the comfortable zone too easily.
Mr K is still impressed every time I see him and I have nice clothes, shaved legs and painted nails- not sure what his ex's were like if he is impressed because to me all that is standard stuff (although I wouldnt shave my legs to meet my best friend unless it was summer🤣)

@BLTLover I know it hurts but please realise this is all his problem and nothing to do with you, it sounds like you were a boredom filler.
@havecourage8bekind had the same thing recently.

What is your life like normally? Work? Hobbies? Kids? Friends?
Having a partner is not the be all and end all, some people in relationships are lonely too.
A man should enhance your life and not be your life.
Can you make your life the best it can be (covid permitting) so meeting someone is a bonus rather than a crucial thing?

Nah I give up. Its happened too many times.

@SortingItOut um, he's been like this from the start... I think it's just bothered me more as time went on, especially as we spend so much time at his house. So I'm not sure what he did to impress me at the start!

If this is over then I've decided I'm staying single. It's just too hard with kids.

I feel the same misty.

@Misty9 I think when you first meet someone you sometimes do overlook things especially if lots of other things are good.

What are the good points of the relationship right now?

If there are more good than bad then you could start by speaking to him about it and seeing if things change.
Lockdown has caused issues because you cant do much like go out to eat or visit places.

I don't think winter helps either because the evenings are dark so early you can't get out for a nice walk (For me a nice walk is different to my day to day walks with my dogs)

Dating and relationships are hard when you've got kids, sometimes I wonder how anyone has time for relationships what with kids, work, housework, friends, hobbies etc

My kids are adults but they still take up a lot of my time, the only difference is that I can leave them home alone 🤣

I want to text him and tell him hes a fuck up but I'll leave it where will it get me

@BLTLover
Was he moaning a lot even when you were chatting online?

I’m trying to filter out/eliminate matches earlier (even if it means I get hardly any meets) as I think if someone is a bit difficult/moany/awkward early on it rarely improves!

Not really but he did ask me.alot of questions.

A few years and name changes ago I used to frequent these threads! Married with children now but just wanted to pop on and say how much of a lifeline they were when I was desperately in love with one guy and trying to get over him by dating others. I didn’t like to go on about it in real life but I could come here for the pre-date hype and back again for the post date update. Hopefully not the same people here but I just wanted to check in and say how brilliant these threads can be- women boosting women!

He also send a video of his young daughter dancing naked and I did think wtf

@BLTLover WTAF😱😱
Don't be sad you didnt meet, be thankful he cancelled.

If you thought it was odd why did you agree to still meet.
Any photos of kids or mention of kids aside from they have them is a red flag for me when only just starting to chat to someone.