Online dating in your 40s.. part 4

[Shayelle2009]

The sagas continue..

@LuckyLinda3 ah that's so horrible when you see an ex on the apps - that happened to me last month, and it still hurts.

I also had the same thing years ago when an ex of mine told me she'd called out my name when she was in bed with the guy she had cheated on me with. It hurt hearing her talk about sleeping with someone else, but I have to admit there was part of me that did a mini fist pump inside when I thought of her calling out my name.

For anyone not following the other thread, I've had a busy weekend with 3 dates over the last 4 days. All lovely ladies, and I've had some nice walks and conversations, but there wasn't a spark with any so the search goes on...

Does anyone have any suggestions for different apps to try?

I'm currently on these, with varying levels of success:

Tinder (quite a few matches, most of them time wasters though)
Bumble (have completed this, with only a few matches, but no replies)
Hinge (best of the bunch)
OKCupid (no replies from the handful of matches)

Is Match worth a go?

@LuckyLinda3 that is the weirdest thing to tell someone! I’d think he was just trying to keep a hook in by saying that, i think its really odd...

@Isitreally7777 hope youre not being too hard on yourself.

@TheCatWithTheHat if you find any decent sites let me know 😬😬

I went back on plenty of fish, surprisingly got two decent chats going but im sure they wont last! They never do 😂😂

Im starting to think that online dating is just a bit of a mug off really. Does anyone know of anyone whos met and are happy from them?

@Shayelle2009 and @TheCatWithTheHat thanks. I suppose after spending over 20 years married to him I expected respect but there you go. I think the fact that the men I've been talking to this past while have all admitted to being involved and wanting me as a bit on the side has just left me feeling a bit shit. But as you say Shayelle I need to get used to that. Tomorrow is a new day.

@LuckyLinda3 I was told that quite a high % of guys on the apps are married/have partners - something like 1 in 4 or 5. Quite a sad statistic... however there are some who are genuine, so don't let the bad apples get you down.

@Shayelle2009 I don't think you're the only one who thinks that - I've been really struggling with it, and feel like I'll never meet anyone I click with on there who feels the same about me. The apps are definitely designed to make them money, rather than make us happy so they don't always have our interests at heart.

Saying that, 3 of my friends are married to women they met on an app so it does work sometimes.

Agree with Cat @LuckyLinda3 maybe its not the apps that are getting you down but something else.. maybe youre missing a connection with someone, seeing your ex on there and finding that a bit hard and feeling like there’s no one decent out there? There is, but i just think its fate who sorts these things out and we can try and help things along but you cant always force it.... just try and pamper yourself and have a break from the apps and do other nice things as it can get quite consuming i find. Its not always good for the emotional state x

Thats really encouraging @TheCatWithTheHat that you have friends who’ve found partners on there. None of my single mates are having any luck in their 30s, 40s or 50s so im wondering if its because of covid in general. Who knows though.. 😓

@Shayelle2009 no in fact it wasn't actually a bad message and probably should have been said a while ago, I put all my feelings aside to support and help him(even after I found out that whilst talking to and arranging to meet me, and cancelling, he was trying to get back with his ex) so maybe he should know that. I have just been trying to give him the space he wanted.

Sod it @Isitreally7777 sometimes i think its good to be brutally honest and let it all out. Let him deal with that now 😬

@Shayelle2009 and @TheCatWithTheHat thanks so much. I'm definitely missing a connection but you both have given me hope.

@Shayelle2009 i think it was for the best as he needs to realise what it was like for me, in the last month(since his ex told him it was over) he turned very selfish, never really asked how I was and showed no interest in me or my life. It was all about how he was, a complete contrast to how he was when he came back in January. It was a real kick in the stomach when he told me his ex had told him that was it and he was heartbroken as he had always hoped they would get back together (what was he doing talkng to me?!)but I put my feelings aside and comforted him.

I just wish he would call or meet me again because then all this could have been said thus saving the many messages.

@Shayelle2009

Agree with Cat *@LuckyLinda3* maybe its not the apps that are getting you down but something else.. maybe youre missing a connection with someone, seeing your ex on there and finding that a bit hard and feeling like there’s no one decent out there? There is, but i just think its fate who sorts these things out and we can try and help things along but you cant always force it.... just try and pamper yourself and have a break from the apps and do other nice things as it can get quite consuming i find. Its not always good for the emotional state x

*@LuckyLinda3* Shayelle has hit the nail on the head, or at least that's exactly how I felt when I saw my iron on one of the apps.

I'm in the same place as you - it all seems really dire, and I've felt really down at not being able to match with anyone I like who likes me back. I think that's just the nature of online dating, plus it's much worse at the moment due to Covid. Everyone is fed up and lots of people can't see the point of it until we can actually meet up. Hopefully in a month or two things will be much better.

So he read my message sent by mistake, he hasn't replied. I'm still not blocked but I'm still dying a little inside. I don't get it, he is taking a break to sort himself out but he is still reading my messages almost straight away🤷‍♀️ (although he did that last time too).

Happy Monday everyone! 😊 hopefully everyone's Monday goes well.

I really think you need to cut him of now @Isitreally7777, in fact I thought that a long time ago. You’re just torturing your self. He’s no good and you know it. He’s using you to make his self feel better when ever he sees fit, block him, delete his number and messages and move on. He’s got you on the hook and enjoying it :(

Morning ladies - @Isitreally7777 - I also think you need to cut him out now, you want him to meet you or call you, yet he has told you he doesnt want this and needs to sort himself out. He isnt going to be the man you want, no matter how hard you push for it, he will end up cutting you out if you arent listening to what he is telling you - sorry if that sounds harsh, I just dont think this a healthy situation for you.

Homeless turned out to be a weak little twat - but, I have been chatting to someone on bumble, and I didnt realise we actually went to school together! He seems to have his shit together, and I think we may meet this week.....eeek!

@bangheadhere40 - At least you finally got to put a face to the messages with Spreaders, have you heard from him since?

Morning 🍍

Did Homeless ever get back to you? What a coward!

Yeah spreaders said he had a nice time and would I like to do something in a couple of weeks. I might do as mates, but definitely no romance there.

Back to the drawing board for me, had a good chat yesterday with someone then they vanished mid convo!

Hi Bang - Nope, Homeless just blocked me after I said I would ring him, but I never did as I fell asleep, maybe he thought I wasnt really that bothered (I wasnt), but I would not just block someone after so long, I would have the balls to say "You dont seem that bothered really, maybe we should just leave it, it has been nice talking" - he obviously had no balls! - He was very very very boring anyway!

Well, maybe you have a new friend in Spreaders if nothing else...its not really what we are looking for though is it!

I dont mean to sound nasty @Isitreally7777 i just dont think hes into you really. He doesnt want to take things further- hes just not interested. X

Morning @pineappleonpizzaornot 🙋🏻‍♀️ Oooh sounds good with the new chat of your old school pal!! Exciting!!

How's everyone doing today? Plans to meet your school pal 🍍?

I've done a bit of looking but there's no one I can see on the apps that I like the look of, maybe the very odd one, but then of course they don't like me back 🙂

Hello @bangheadhere40 👋
I just feel really bored today, and lonely. Not on any of the apps, no irons to chat to.... i might as well be 89 not 39 the way my life is right now! Trying not to be ungrateful just feel fed up 😞

How are you?

Same age as you and also feel 89! The apps aren't inspiring me and seem a fruitless exercise really😁

Got a guy asking if I wanted to get 'dirty' earlier, no thank you. I'm not normally propositioned so outwardly so I was slightly shocked.

There must be someone out there...there must 🤔

But yeah, same a bit lonely and bored. Every day is the same isn't it.

@bangheadhere40 and @Shayelle2009 I hear you. I'm off the apps. Bored and fed up. I think I'll tidy my bedroom and have a bath.
I haven't messaged HT .... I know if I message he'll respond fast enough. I just don't want to chase him.