If you’re going to talk about spending and budgets and finances please get clear in your head who is responsible for what, and how money is earned.
Many women consider their financial position in terms of the costs of childcare, as if paying for childcare is a mother’s issue only. It’s relevant, of course, in calculating family finances but it is a shared cost. And if it is in your interests to go back to work (for your MH, self esteem or to avoid an abusive power imbalance) don’t allow him to hold this over you. Start from the position that he could stay home and you go out to work (even if it’s just a thought experiment to get your position straight in your own head).
By taking a break to have children you have damaged your earning potential. By having a wife at home, not taking time off, rushing in the evenings to the crèche and coming to work haggard from sleepless nights, he has maximised his earning potential. When you function well as a family unit those things can balance out, but he is simply not entitled to think of his earnings as his- it’s family money that is created both by his work and your support. By getting married and having children he has also increased his standing as an employee - men are viewed as more dependable - all of these factors boost his promotional capacity and future earnings.
Don’t start with clothing budgets - start by sorting out your pension which should be a top priority. Wrangling about costs and moisturiser will miss the issue. You aren’t a kid asking for pocket money. Take an adult perspective - pensions, health insurance, life insurance, debt management.
If the focus is on you going back to work (ie pulling your weight by earning more), make sure there is an equal focus on him pulling his weight with house work, childcare, night time feeds and days off for sick children.
As a sahm I fully support my dh’s career because it serves us both but if I were working I would not be doing all the shopping, laundry, childcare, child listening, juggling of after school, night time dramas, hospital and dental appointments, special needs appointments, booking of holidays, organising of tradesmen, etc to the detriment of my own career.
My dh would rather be the sole earner than take on half the sahm work and that’s a decision we can afford. Perhaps, if you look at your finances you will find that you can’t afford to be a sahm, but remember that also means that he can’t afford a sahw either.