Anyone want to join the breakup club?

[Herewegoagain22]

So today, my partner of 3 years ended things with me. Deep down I know it was for the best (for both of us) but it doesn’t stop it hurting like hell. There genuinely is no going back. It’s just going through this horrible period of looking for his texts, wondering what he’s up to, missing him in general and generally just feeling lost that I can’t stand

No kids and my mum is no longer here , had a sleepless night last night with spiralling thoughts of ex with a new person, today social media has full of mothers day, something else I've lost. Feeling bleak today

I feel quite weird today, as I genuinely thought at some point this year I'd be announcing a baby as we were trying for a baby before he left:( hope everyone has a lovely day though :(

Hard day here for me too, feeling down and depressed about ex with ow.

Got a wee gift from DS for mothers day which was nice but I have no appetite for food today, never mind chocolate. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

This Mother's Day is much better than last year and that's all down to his behaviour . I think that says it all really
Made me think too considering I got lovely posh bramble gin last year which mysteriously disappeared faster than I was drinking it , it'll be nice be able to treat myself to such things in future knowing they will last a while and he won't be helping himself to it

Hope everyone manages to get through today, I only have DDog kids we’re something that we had been talking about, don’t think that I’ll ever happen now.

My house is full of boxes as ex leaves tomorrow, I’ve stayed away for the last couple of days as thought it was best for us both, his Mam and sister came yesterday when I’d come to drop ddog off and that was hard seeing them.

Ex is trying to be friendly and I’m finding it so difficult, he’s got me a bottle of Prosecco from ddog for Mother’s Day, usually he wouldn’t do anything (and I don’t expect anything as you know ddog is a dog) he’s making an effort with dishes etc and I don’t get it, he couldn’t/wouldn’t do that when we were together it just reinforces that I wasn’t anywhere on his priority list when we were together.

He leaves tomorrow just need to get through today and going to see my mam soon, he still wants the dog 50/50 despite him moving a couple of hundred miles with family so apparently he’s coming back in 2 weeks to get him

Herewegoagain22
This video is excellent- one of the best I have seen regarding coping with break ups. I like that he touches on going through the pain and understanding you will not feel like this forever as your feelings towards your spouse will fade, change. When in the depths of despair you truly believe you will forever feel how you do right now. You go into fighting mode and denial because admitting what is happening is too much to bear.

I am separated from my h after working through our marriage following his five affairs. One was ONS and the other emotional/kissing. I know it is the end and also know I no longer love him. There is only pity and anger. I no longer wanted to be intimate, staying together I would have feel obliged. I categorically hated kissing him after I discovered. I felt nothing, no.passion, spark, excitement, just deadness.

Funnily, I do not miss him when he is away. I miss the family unit, having an adult around but not him as a person. I am slowly cutting the cord.

@Ofalltheginjoints sending hugs to get through today and tomorrow. That will be tough. I'm dreading the day my ex takes all his things away as its like the final tie that will be severed.

@Faith50 missing the family unit is my issue too, I'm slowly learning how to enjoy my own company. I just enjoyed having someone to unwind with in the evening.

Rodeodown
To be truthful, we rarely watched TV together as we had different tastes in films/series. We watched TV as a family but rarely as a couple which is sad. Often we would be in different rooms in the evening; one of us watching TV in the lounge, the other watching a film on iPad.

I knew he was in the house even if not in the same room, you get used to that. I do not feel lonely as such when he is away, just different and I need to adjust to the new reality. Thankfully I like my own company and have no issue with living with just me and dc. I enjoyed living alone before we met.

I had a snoop at two of my exes on FB tonight. Both are in loving long term relationships, both engaged and one trying for a child. Why did I even look at that?! I feel worse now, knowing here I am, single and on my own again dealing with a breakup I didn’t even want and another person just walking out on me through no fault of my own. My previous exes (first one was a bellend, a liar and a cheat) and the second one (couldn’t follow through with his promises) both have everything I would love to have. Life really sucks. I should really just get rid of social media. Not feeling good tonight

@Herewegoagain22 we all do triggering stuff dont we, even though we know we shouldnt.. I still look at old photos, I just cant delete them yet.

my ex told me today that he wants me but im not the best thing for him.. wow just blows my mind?!

@Herewegoagain22 it’s natural to look at exes I think, I’ve been thinking a out my ex fiancé, haven’t spoken to him for years but my situation is making me look at all my past relationships and he was my first proper love who despite no contact for years I still care about him (or the him i’ve built up in my head and memories)

ExDP is sat in the living room drinking beer and asking if I want a take away, I so don’t get it, I’m drinking a bottle of wine so my thoughts may not be 100% but how can he feel any of this is normal?

Stbxh just let his emotions get the better of him and we ended up in a massive shouting match . Should have known today was going too well . If anything though outburst like that just make it easier to see him leave

@Ofalltheginjoints I really don’t want my ex to be on my mind everyday as I know I’m not on his. I was so in love with him and he just pulled the rug from under me and I never even saw it coming. I have good days then I’m floored with a few bad.

How are you feeling about tomorrow? He is perhaps trying to end it as amicably as possible although I have given up trying to work out men.

@Herewegoagain22 I know exactly what you mean, I’d be surprised if my ex f gave me any headspace, I think that I tend to go back over all my relationships when one ends, clearly like to punish myself.

I am dreading tomorrow, the relationship ending is the right thing however i don’t want him to leave because, despite everything, I still love him and I’m terrified about the future, what’s worse, being scared to be alone or continuing in an unhappy relationship?

He probably is trying to be nice, he is a nice person, I just don’t understand him at all, which is probably reflective of a longer problem

@Ofalltheginjoints I'm the same
I know our relationship has to end , I can't let my dc grow up with a drunk as then I'd be just as responsible
But I've never coped very well on my own
I have very low self esteem
I met dh on rebound too
Maybe things will feel different now I have dc though so I've got still got someone to concentrate on. But I'm not sure

My ex of 2 years dumped me by phone a few days before my birthday last year, because, in his words "Sorry, but I'm seeing someone else now". I thought we were really happy and the last time I saw him, we had sex 3 times in 12 hours (sorry if TMI) but then didn't each other for 2 months due to lockdown. Haven't seen or heard from him since, although I'd actually known him for 10 years before dating him! He treated me abominably. No desire to wade through all the dodgy guys on OLD which is all thats available for now.

@fedup078 I know what you mean about self esteem. I met up with a friend today and I just feel empty, like the person I was before DO no longer exists, the relationship has been so exhausting that I don’t have anything left?
I’m sure it will be different as you have your DC to focus on, they will be your reasons to keep going even when you don’t want to?

Hi @GreenlandTheMovie I’m so sorry your ex did that to you, how can people be so cruel? How are you doing now?

ExDP left around 12, soon as he’d gone I ended up howling like wounded animal on the floor and then had to pull myself together for a work meeting at 1pm utter hell.

House feels gigantic now, who knew a 3-bed semi could feel so big, right now everything just seems so scary whilst masked in a world of sadness, roll on 5pm when I can have a drink

I'm a bit confused today, I have realised that everytime me and my ex have any interaction (only when needed) I always feel drained and unhappy afterwards and since he has gone I have started to be less anxious and actually quite happy and positive in myself, I still have very bad days but I have actually handled this situation a lot better then what I thought and my ex seems unhappy and stressed etc. I'm now confused as I'm not actually sure it its because I have lost the person in my life and I now think the worst has happened how can it get any worse, or if because I have been freed some the negativity which he has caused (he blamed me for making him feel unhappy but I genuinely gave him the world)

@Ofalltheginjoints I was thinking of you today. I was going to message in here to ask how you were after work.

It is such a horrible part of a breakup. My ExDP didn’t even want to see me the day he came to collect all his things, he asked that I left everything in the outhouse, which I hated doing and he’d come round when I was out of the house. He said ‘I would find it too hard seeing you’.

Like you I sobbed uncontrollably when everything was gone. It just seems so final doesn’t it? It’s a new beginning that is just thrust upon you when you have so many other emotions flying about. Are your friends looking out for you still? Mine don’t even check in anymore, and I’m only on week 4

@Ofalltheginjoints the emptiness is heard to bear isn't it and especially being there when they're doing it. Run a nice bath with candles, enjoy a nice drink and watch a good film. It will get easier

Thanks for your thoughts @Herewegoagain22 and @wow1111

It just feels so awful, so final and whilst it is the right decision it’s just still heartbreaking.

I’m kinda doing ok, Ddog is here with me for two weeks before ExDP comes to collect him, and we’re just chilling on the sofa, my parents are now part of my bubble so they’ve been tonight to help with some of the lifting and moving of furniture because of course today is the day my disability flares up, moving boxes in my wheelchair hasn’t gone so well hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.

My friends are awesome, specifically my two best friends, they’ve been checking in on me all day which is lovely especially with how busy they are with work/family

ofalltheginjoints Hi @GreenlandTheMovie I’m so sorry your ex did that to you, how can people be so cruel? How are you doing now?

I'm doing great now thanks! I'm still slightly shocked/horrified by how he behaved but I'm glad to be rid of him. I always had doubts about him so I spent our relationship and the entire time I knew him suppressing my gut instinct. So in a way its good to be proved right!

He tried to make it sound all right by pretending he was ending it because of the other woman, but I know her and he dumped her after a few weeks. I would never have gone near him if I'd known he was like that. I think he did actually try to have a proper relationship with me but he couldn't help reverting to type.

He is a nightmare - can you imagine how awful it must be to be like that, with so many people you have known in your life despising you?

Uh oh, my wedding anniversary today...

@wow1111

Uh oh, my wedding anniversary today...

Sending you all the love and strength I can to help you get through today. Do you have anything planned to distract yourself?