Anyone want to join the breakup club?

[Herewegoagain22]

So today, my partner of 3 years ended things with me. Deep down I know it was for the best (for both of us) but it doesn’t stop it hurting like hell. There genuinely is no going back. It’s just going through this horrible period of looking for his texts, wondering what he’s up to, missing him in general and generally just feeling lost that I can’t stand

Hey @wow1111 lots of love and strength today! You've got this!

@ThisTooShallPassOneDay thankyou:)
@Rodeodown just been for a lovely dog walk and going to watch a series on netflix, I'm surprisingly okay, I still just want us to fall apart to fall back together

DS started back at school yesterday and I'm easing back into work after having been signed off for a number of weeks due to my situation. It's nice to have the house to myself during the day and a sense of routine back in my life. Ex didn't check in with DS after his first day back at school, a new school I might add so yesterday was significant. It has really opened my eyes, its unforgivable to me I think.

He will be round to see DS later, I'll send him out the door and see him when he's back. Grey rock, grey rock, grey rock.

Why is my stomach still so full of butterflies even though I know I'm going to ignore him. He still has such a hold on me

An absolutely awful weekend for me, with real intrusive thoughts- all based on wanting people to notice how much pain I am in.
It's easing with the distraction of work- but feel like I am nit picking and obsessing over tiny details to torture myself

@crochetmonkey74

An absolutely awful weekend for me, with real intrusive thoughts- all based on wanting people to notice how much pain I am in. It's easing with the distraction of work- but feel like I am nit picking and obsessing over tiny details to torture myself

It has taken me many weeks to be able to get past the obsessing over things and torturing myself. I stay off his and ow social media, despite checking it obsessively previously. The only thing that will happen is make myself feel worse and he won't even know, or care.

I wanted everyone to know how sad I was, once the initial concern has passed people think you're over it and it makes you feel weak when you're still crying to them over the same things from four weeks ago. True friends will understand, and so do we. Pour your heart out on here if you need to, there's always someone around to answer.

Distractions are key, even if you find yourself thinking about it for 5 minutes less each day, that's progress. Slow and steady wins the race.

@Rodeodown you hit the nail on the head about people assuming you are over it after a few weeks. My friends don’t even check in with me anymore and I feel really isolated with nobody to talk to about how I’m feeling. Have you removed your ex from all of your social media or is he still on there and you are actively avoiding it?

@crochetmonkey74 weekends are especially tough. The obsessing and nit picking is something we all do, it is easy to say, but try not to be too hard on yourself. Nothing we think of or obsess about now is going to change our situation. I still hope my ex comes back telling me how much he misses me and what a mistake he has made, but deep down, if he did it would complicate things because I know all the same problems would still be there. Doesn’t stop it hurting though

@Herewegoagain22 I haven't removed him but just avoid looking. I barely go on Facebook to be honest as I just don't want to stumble across anything to make myself feel worse, which is a much better standpoint than when I was going looking for things that I knew would end up hurting me.

I also can feel isolated, I've found some solace in the women on here who really get it and are supportive of my journey. I'll be here as long as there's somebody who needs support. It actually helps to talk it through with people here who don't know me or my situation and can be totally non judgemental.

I've been having counselling and find it so good to have a safe space to just get everything out to a total stranger.

Herewegoagain22

That's exactly how I feel- I was unhappy too, and it may well have been me who finished it a few weeks later- but I am so deeply caught in the pain I can't think straight- it's been compounded by the loss of a friend to suicide- my (supposedly) best friend literally stopping talking to me (she hasnt been able to cope with any support for me at all) and then all the secondary losses- I LOVED his family and miss them dreadfully. So I am deep in the pain of loss of lots of things- it's bloody hard!

Yeah, its not just that one person you lose is it, its everything else, I am still actually in contact with some of my exs family, as they really love me and want to stay in contact, although when I see one of my exs relatives, they keep telling me to keep hoping for him to come back, which can be a little bit upsetting, but she also thinks that my ex may have depression or something at the moment to do this, as like everyone, as we were like best friends.

Its such a long and painful road isnt it, especially with lockdown also, not being able to get out and forget for a few hours, its just crap, I also removed my ex off social media as I was constantly checking it and then started to assume things, which I do not know are true, once again just causing more hurt.

@Rodeodown that is some good self control you have. I had to remove my ex from FB, as well as his best friend. I still have some of his family on there though, but they rarely post. I don’t know whether to remove them too, I almost feel like I shouldn’t as we got on so well and I don’t want to appear childish. Are you paying for counselling or getting it through your GP?

@crochetmonkey74 I’m really sorry. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. My father took his own life when I was 22, so in the respect of being left behind to deal with the loss of suicide, I can relate. I think that’s why I take people leaving me in a relationship so hard. It just seems to be a constant pattern of people leaving in my life. The grief of suicide is so complex. You have so much to deal with all at once right now with all the losses. But you must try to tackle one thing at a time otherwise you will burn yourself out

Day 1. He was arrested last night and I've spent the day getting out of the house and making sure my daughter is safe. I know it's for the best but I'm heartbroken and I miss him so so much 😔

@chelle862 welcome. I’m so sorry, that sounds truly awful. The safety of both yourself and your daughter is the most important thing. You can be rest assured we’re all here for you if you need to talk/vent or have some support.

Do you have somewhere safe to stay for a while?

@Herewegoagain22

Thank you ❤️ the DV has been going on for a while and last night I finally cracked. I said I wanted to die and he said you're a selfish bitch so go and do it. He called the police telling them I was a suicide risk and they arrested him. My wonderful friend came and picked up my baby, my mum came and helped me pack up the house and I'm now safely at my mums snuggled up with my girl. I miss him so much. I want to remind him to take his pills, do this, that etc. The police were amazing, holding onto him for as long as they could so I didn't have to drag my baby out at 1am.

@chelle862 well done you for getting out. It will probably get worse before it gets better, the coming days will feel very dark but please stay strong. Think of your lovely baby and the fresh start you can both make away from him. Any time you need support we are all here

Is anyone else feeling nervous about lockdown lifting and having no one to do things with? I'm worried about this, that now I am single there'll be a big gap- no one to go and get breakfast with, plan a holiday with etc

@crochetmonkey74
I was literally just going to write a post about this :(!!!! I'm really not good today because that's all I have been thinking about all day, I'm terrified, most of my friends apart from 1 are all in relationships and it's just going to kill me, we all used to do stuff in couples and I'm also scared that I won't get invited or that I'll feel extremely uncomfortable if I do go :( urgh I'm so upset rn

I literally thought I was set for life and now it's just all fallen apart:( I know my feelings will change but at the moment I really do not want anyone else at all, to share all the special moments with, even the daft things, I really want my ex back

Me too. I want to plan holidays and days out and dinners out and all those other fun things we used to do together. I have so few friends. Even making friends takes time. Who do I go on holiday with? I love my DS but I want adult company too.

I too thought I was set for life.

Breakup club getaway? I'm good fun!

[quote wow1111]@crochetmonkey74
I was literally just going to write a post about this :(!!!! I'm really not good today because that's all I have been thinking about all day, I'm terrified, most of my friends apart from 1 are all in relationships and it's just going to kill me, we all used to do stuff in couples and I'm also scared that I won't get invited or that I'll feel extremely uncomfortable if I do go :( urgh I'm so upset rn[/quote]
A lot of my friends are either coupled up/ in families and the few single ones have become quite agoraphobic and don't want to do much even when lockdown ends!

I just feel so nervous - I think I have conflated socialising with dating - which I know is not necessarily true- I won't necessarily meet someone just because I happen to go to the pub- that will be another issue- when I decide to sign up for OLD !

@Rodeodown

Me too. I want to plan holidays and days out and dinners out and all those other fun things we used to do together. I have so few friends. Even making friends takes time. Who do I go on holiday with? I love my DS but I want adult company too.

I too thought I was set for life.

Breakup club getaway? I'm good fun!

I do have a lovely sister and a friend who is up for weekends away etc but I am still nervous and it is upsetting me- so nice (?) to know that others feel the same!

I love the idea of a break up club meet up- champagne cocktails in a nice bar somewhere?

@crochetmonkey74 @Rodeodown
Yes I agree meeting new friends also takes time doesn't it.. might just book a holiday by myself at this rate 😂

Oh gosh that sounds amazing

wow
I've been considering a holiday by myself- I have never done it abroad and not sure about flying this year - but I was thinking a fancy UK spa hotel- with a lovely bar to have soulful solo cocktails in whilst reading my book at night
I've enjoyed solo trips to UK cities before too

@wow1111 @crochetmonkey74 @Rodeodown where are you all actually based? I feel we’ve spoken yet I know nothing about you ladies! I’m all the way up in Scotland. Hairdressers open in two weeks (I’m excited). But like all of you, apprehensive about being on my own to fill my time. But then, I am doing that right now anyway

I have never done anything like it by myself, not that I wouldn't I just never had to but I would definitely go places by myself, I do own a caravan though so I will no doubt have a week up there at some point.

I'm from yorkshire.

I'm in the Midlands- got my hair appt booked for 4 weeks time and cannot wait!

But then, I am doing that right now anyway
I keep reminding myself of this - when restrictions lift- all I have to do is sit myself in a coffee shop on Saturday morning and go to the pub for tea one weeknight and I will feel busy!
Maybe everything will be ok...