Page 28 | Anyone want to join the breakup club?

Herewegoagain22 · 2021-02-13T15:00:30+00:00

So today, my partner of 3 years ended things with me. Deep down I know it was for the best (for both of us) but it doesn’t stop it hurting like hell. There genuinely is no going back. It’s just going through this horrible period of looking for his texts, wondering what he’s up to, missing him in general and generally just feeling lost that I can’t stand

Teatimes2 · 24/07/2021 16:42

I'm 5.5 months on. Was doing okay for a while, but feeling low and teary again. Although I miss him, there's no going back in my situation, so I don't really know why I'm feeling like this.

crochetmonkey74 · 24/07/2021 20:12

[quote hellotesting123123]@crochetmonkey74 sorry you're feeling that way. I can relate. Are you taking some time out to be single or actively dating at the moment? I think Saturdays are the worst![/quote]
I'm just about ready to date, have just signed up to an app but am ready for it to sort of tick along in my life for a while before I meet the right person. I dont want to be single , have been single for long periods my life before and I prefer being in a relationship

crochetmonkey74 · 24/07/2021 20:13

@Teatimes2

I'm 5.5 months on. Was doing okay for a while, but feeling low and teary again. Although I miss him, there's no going back in my situation, so I don't really know why I'm feeling like this.

Same here , I dont even want mine back which is what annoys me so much. I just want to stop feeling rubbish

fedup078 · 24/07/2021 20:17

I just want this Covid shit over so I can go back to the office and also have a proper social life without the constant dread of catching it / having to isolate / being the reason someone else has to isolate
There's no good time for a breakup but I'd be so much happier if it would just do one now

crochetmonkey74 · 24/07/2021 20:44

Yes my break up happened at the start of that January icy lockdown, I was also coping with a bereavement and the loss of someone I thought was a best friend. It was traumatic and could not have been worse timing

hellotesting123123 · 26/07/2021 21:32

@crochetmonkey74 that sounds particularly harsh. Poor you. I had a big breakup just after my dad died and it was a very lonely time. Add to that the pandemic and don't know if I'd have survived. I hope things feel a little less lonely for you now

hellotesting123123 · 26/07/2021 21:33

Also my best friend was a bit crap and we've never been rhe same since. It's awful when you lose more than one person at once

smugsparkle · 26/07/2021 23:08

my breakup happened at the beginning of may, we were on/off for 2.5years, .

i dumped him and went No Contact as he was treating me like shit.

Unfortunately, he can still use work emails and phones to get in touch with me, which he did at the end of May, he emailed me with a work question and rang me a few times, but i just ignored it all (which ive never done before) thankfully he hasnt tried again.

Its getting a bit easier, but Im dreading bumping into him at work when i go back in.

yorkshireme · 27/07/2021 08:08

Can I join you all please? Sorry that everyone is going through this shit.

I'm currently living through the aftermath of my break up with my narcissistic ex. He treated me like shit, but I gave him chance after chance after chance because I wanted him to return to being the person he was at the start of the relationship.

He chose to tell me our relationship was over by changing his WhatsApp picture to one of him and his new woman.

At the moment I feel like I'm just putting one foot in front of the other.

Does anyone else find that the pain comes and goes in waves? Some moments I'm okay, others I'm really not.

fedup078 · 10/08/2021 10:23

How's everyone doing ?

Itsallabouttea · 10/08/2021 10:35

Can I join please? Have just ended things with partner of 10 years. It's absolutely for the best but I still feel like the worst person ever and can't stop crying. when I think about how I'm going to have to move my stuff out and find somewhere else it's so overwhelming. He's a good person but we've been living as flatmates for years with no intimacy or affection and for both our sakes we need to move on.

Original poster

Herewegoagain22 · 10/08/2021 11:53

I'm actually doing pretty good. Apart from having fractured to bones in my back playing sport which means I'm out of the game for 12 weeks whilst they heal. Can still exercise gently and do rehab stuff. On the ex front, never heard from him, not interested either. Think I did a lot of my healing work earlier this year. Mail still comes through for him but I just shove it back in the postbox with RTS. How's everyone else?

OP posts:

Original poster

Herewegoagain22 · 10/08/2021 11:54

@Itsallabouttea I'm really sorry to hear that. It's such an overwhelming time but you really need to be strong and think about what is best for you. It's really easy to be sucked back in when you're so emotional and vulnerable. This thread should help provide you with someone support if you need it. We're all here for you! Hugs x

OP posts:

fedup078 · 10/08/2021 12:10

No change for me
Hopefully should have him off my mortgage and house deeds soon
I'm still quite frustrated with my lack of social life and still feel it's hampered by Covid as loads of people I know are catching it so I'm still wary about where I go

MeganChar1 · 10/08/2021 14:04

So a lot week ago my partner of 3 years sat me down and told me he doesn’t think we are working anymore. We’ve been through a lot together including miscarriages. I’m almost 29 which I know isn’t old but the thought of starting again terrifies me. I was previously single for 4 years and during that time kissed a lot of frogs. I want to meet someone who I can settle down and have kids with and the thought of having to potentially go through all that again is really daunting. We have also just bought a house and also have a dog together who we both adore. I’m in a position where I can buy him out of the house but he wouldn’t be able to afford to buy me out. Does anyone have any advice or experience with managing this side of things?

Itsallabouttea · 10/08/2021 15:40

Thanks @Herewegoagain22 - it's so hard when I'm upset and he's upset and it'd be so much easier to say forget it, we'll carry on but I know that's not the right thing to do. It'd be easier if he was a bastard really! We've had some tricky times but he's a really decent bloke. We'll have to carry on living together for a little while too which makes it harder!

fedup078 · 10/08/2021 20:47

It's my 3rd wedding anniversary tomorrow

Liddywiddy · 25/08/2021 07:52

Day 3 of no contact. He announced before a business trip and after another silly argument we are over. We have been together for 5 years and just recently bought a house. He will be home tomorrow and I said we will talk. I must have my say even if he thinks he has checked out.

No contact is killing me. I'm torn. No contact to him may think I'm in another of my moods. He last contacted me on day 1 to say when he would be back. I'm perimenopausal so not easy to live with. I maybe have pushed him too far and also we have to deal with his EW and Children. Of course it takes two so I can't shoulder all the blame.

I'm petrified for the future and being alone at 47. Finding a new home as we can't afford the house independently. I've reached out to a counsellor and know I need to work on me. Cant eat. Bonus losing weight. So want to text. Not even a begging text, just a hi, hope you are ok.

Advice?

BelladiMamma · 25/08/2021 09:28

@Liddywiddy

Day 3 of no contact. He announced before a business trip and after another silly argument we are over. We have been together for 5 years and just recently bought a house. He will be home tomorrow and I said we will talk. I must have my say even if he thinks he has checked out.

No contact is killing me. I'm torn. No contact to him may think I'm in another of my moods. He last contacted me on day 1 to say when he would be back. I'm perimenopausal so not easy to live with. I maybe have pushed him too far and also we have to deal with his EW and Children. Of course it takes two so I can't shoulder all the blame.

I'm petrified for the future and being alone at 47. Finding a new home as we can't afford the house independently. I've reached out to a counsellor and know I need to work on me. Cant eat. Bonus losing weight. So want to text. Not even a begging text, just a hi, hope you are ok.

Advice?

Try not to blame yourself. Be kind to yourself and take it easy today and prepare foe the conversation. Get your ducks in a row and as much information on finances as possible. Remember it's your split not just his so don't let him dictate terms when it comes to finances

beingsunny · 25/08/2021 09:33

Day six for me, six years together.
He's still here. It's bizarre he wants to wait until November to move out, problem is I still love him, despite me ending the relationship because he can't accept his part in our issues.

I don't think he's told anyone either, we are just living as normal together but with more polite conversation, I have a 9yo son who is here 70% of the time and don't want to tell him until things are defined in terms of him leaving and closer to that time. I can't work out if he is just biding his time and hoping I change my mind or if he's punishing me.

Onedayatatime45 · 25/08/2021 11:28

Hey I’m new..posted a thread earlier without seeing this. I’ll read fully later.
It’s so v hard. I have ended things with my 4.5yr old partner due to not being able to progress in the future. Couple of other things mainly his ghosting attitude when things aren’t as he wants them.
I’m so upset, I messaged him on monday. No reply. All those year/memories and he’s just???

Liddywiddy · 25/08/2021 12:52

I am not ready to give up. He has told me we need to discuss house, finances etc. when back. I need to discuss us first. I can see why it has come to this, but we need to talk. Communicate.

It is a dreadful feeling going through all of this and knowing a large part is down to me.

Tipsylizard · 25/08/2021 14:28

Just popping on to say - I have been where you are (although not in a lock down) and was completely traumatised by it. I am pleased to say that I did recover (contrary to my belief at the time) and went onto meet and marry a fabulous man and have 2 kids. But it took me a loooong time to get over it - way longer than it should have for a number of reasons so my advice to my younger self would be:

Accept it is over and makes decisions accordingly. Do not harbour any fantasies that you will get back together - there is a reason why it ended. Tell everyone who is interested, and even anyone who is not that it is OVER (the more you say it the more it becomes real). I stayed in our shared flat - I bought him out. I should have sold it and started afresh. That flat carried so many memories that were not helpful to my recovery. I should have also told him to bugger off when he kept coming back to me - that didn't help my recovery either.
Fake it, until you make it. What would a strong, confident, happily single woman do in any given situation and do that (even if you don't feel it)
Therapy. After struggling for a long time I went to relate. It was a game changer for me - I wish I had done it earlier.
Re-evaluate what you actually want out of life (without compromise) and live your life according to that. I had spent so many years bending to what my ex wanted I had to re-engage with what I actually wanted out of life. I literally didn't know - which was a bit ridiculous really.
Take your time to be by yourself and comfortable with it. Don't panic about getting old and missing the boat and go out with unsuitable random you meet via online dating. This will shred your self esteem even further.
It really will be ok, actually better than ok - it is going to be great.

Hold on everyone - you will get through this

Calmate · 03/09/2021 23:43

@Tipsylizard
Thankyou for your positivity and your advice

TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 21/09/2021 14:08

Resurrecting this thread to join in. Been with dh for 4 years but do not live together, both own our own homes and no dc together (both have dc from previous marriage). Our relationship has always been turbulent with a lots of petty rows, in fact we row more than we get on. I am no saint but he just cannot ever admit to being wrong. Straw that broke the camels back was him talking to me like shite again over the most petty thing that was absolutely no big deal for the 2nd time that day. I left and went home, instead of apologising he then ignored me. By the time we spoke he had dragged up all of misgivings to fire at me, he will not have it he is never wrong.

It is such a head fuck because I just question myself all of the time, I feel like I cannot see the woods for the trees. Is it me or is it him? Maybe its both of us but at least I will admit my downfalls, he just will not. I love him and have just moved 45 miles to be with him (uprooted my 2 teenagers too). In two years both of my dc will be at Uni and we have our whole lives ahead of us to do what we want. I have only been here a month and just know I cannot keep on like this. Worst of it is I would move back but the market has shot up and I cannot afford to. Its a small town and i dread bumping into him (and his new girlfriends as no doubt he will be back on OLD ASAP as he cannot be alone). I have no doubt he is furious with me for throwing it all away but I just cannot carry like we are. Fuck its going to be hard.

Anyway just wanted to say hi x