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Original poster

Anyone want to join the breakup club?

718 replies

Herewegoagain22 · 13/02/2021 15:00

So today, my partner of 3 years ended things with me. Deep down I know it was for the best (for both of us) but it doesn’t stop it hurting like hell. There genuinely is no going back. It’s just going through this horrible period of looking for his texts, wondering what he’s up to, missing him in general and generally just feeling lost that I can’t stand

OP posts:
livingwith · 21/09/2021 15:33

Hello all. Some sad stories here and I hope you are all coming through it and things getting better, or at least getting through the day. 10 days ago I ended my 25 years marriage because of a lot of stuff but final trigger being him starting an affair and telling me he had tried it on with two women in last year, already. I have stage 4 cancer. He says he wants to keep living with me to 'care for me' whilst seeing this other woman, as a kind of 'triangle'. Has also left her a very large sum in his will (only met her in July). There is more... Anyway enough was enough but I am in so much pain and we jointly own our house and he won't move out yet. Any hope that I will feel better in time? Of course my limited prognosis means I'm scared of feeling this bad until I die.

Longbrickroad · 21/09/2021 15:39

Oh can I join please? I started a thread but it may be better on here.

No-one I can talk to in real life and need to get it out.
Huge row this morning culminating in my 'D'H saying when you are a single mother know that I tried. He says he will not come back and I shouted don't come back at him as he left for work.
I think this is for real this time. It has been going downhill for the last 3 years. We don't have a relationship to speak of just two kids together.
What do you do when this happens?

I am not particularly sad. I don't particularly want to be in a failed marriage but also it is clear it is over. It shouldn't feel so hard if the relationship is loving - don't know what that means anymore. We are different in so many ways but I thought that didn't matter if we loved each other. It clearly does. Especially when the love runs out.

My heart breaks for the children.

What are you meant to do?

Carreterra · 22/09/2021 22:43

@TangoWhiskyAlphaTango
What a situation, I hope things improve for you. When you say you moved to be near him, at least you're not living in the same house? How have your DC handled the situation, are they supportive? You say you love him, but love is like shoe leather, it wears out, especially if he speaks to you like that, you're worth more.
Hello to Herewegoagain22, are you ok?
I was listening to the Lighthouse Family track "Goodbye Heartbreak" earlier today, the chorus of " I don't need you now" spoke to me. I don't mean all you lovely people of MN, I mean our exes, I like to think we are all keeping on, we don't need anyone but our own support network. Best wishes to all Flowers

Hairbrush123 · 22/09/2021 23:56

@livingwith

Hello all. Some sad stories here and I hope you are all coming through it and things getting better, or at least getting through the day. 10 days ago I ended my 25 years marriage because of a lot of stuff but final trigger being him starting an affair and telling me he had tried it on with two women in last year, already. I have stage 4 cancer. He says he wants to keep living with me to 'care for me' whilst seeing this other woman, as a kind of 'triangle'. Has also left her a very large sum in his will (only met her in July). There is more... Anyway enough was enough but I am in so much pain and we jointly own our house and he won't move out yet. Any hope that I will feel better in time? Of course my limited prognosis means I'm scared of feeling this bad until I die.
I have no comments but I wish you all the best Flowers
FanGirlX · 23/09/2021 00:01

Can I join the club please?

fedup078 · 23/09/2021 17:07

@livingwith omg excuse my French but what an absolute twat
I hope you've changed your will too
I so sorry and I hope you have other people in rl you can lean on other than that human stain

fedup078 · 23/09/2021 17:12

My ex will finally be off my mortgage next week whoop whoop!

FanGirlX · 23/09/2021 20:22

My ex didn't prioritise me and his children. The pecking order was:

Vodka
DD and DSD
Me

There is a middle aged, obese, giant toddler with a drink problem on the market though.

fedup078 · 23/09/2021 20:32

@FanGirlX
lol there's more then one as I just evicted another

FanGirlX · 23/09/2021 21:38

[quote fedup078]@FanGirlX
lol there's more then one as I just evicted another [/quote]
🥂💐🍰 for both of us 😀

Incredibad · 24/09/2021 07:23

Joining if I may? Day one here - absolutely gutted. Together two years, he was a ‘nice’ guy (also just an abject people pleaser) with his life just totally untogether lurching from one crisis to the next while he distracted himself with any ego boost available. Decent enough but wishy washy and passive to the point it made me want to scream (until it was something he wanted of course, then magically the passivity melts away!). Argh. I still love him but I can’t do it anymore, careening around his chaos wondering if it’s me not being good enough.

shemesheli · 07/10/2021 21:47

Seperated for 3 years due to DV
Met a lovely guy online who had a LOT of baggage... I made the allowance as so nice, after a few months it became clear due to his well being he was not there, not emotionally available. He kept dipping in and out of contact yet feared to get closer as he couldn’t meet my current needs.

Eventually it took its toll on me as I had become attached .... fell for him. He then offered his support.... and said two people can really like each other but the time isn’t always right..... in a roundabout way. I felt devastated within.... Hes the first person following my long marriage and he helped me to feel again but it’s hard to let go... He’s offered friendship and support in a non commital way yet said his aim is to be in a partnership eventually he just needs to heal :-((((((((

shemesheli · 07/10/2021 22:16

When you meet mr right at the wrong time!

FanGirlX · 13/10/2021 02:01

@fedup078

Mine says he's got a new girlfriend. I wonder what she's like. I stayed with him for DD.

He's a middle aged, obese, giant toddler with a drink problem. He becomes emotionally abusing when drunk.

He also retaliates in an argument by farting. He farts a lot and they stink so much that they've made me physically sick. He also had a hygiene problem - would never have showered if I hadn't reminded him. Now he lives in a smelly, damp bedsit.

I'm sure he's currently on best behaviour but it won't last.

FanGirlX · 13/10/2021 02:20

[quote FanGirlX]@fedup078

Mine says he's got a new girlfriend. I wonder what she's like. I stayed with him for DD.

He's a middle aged, obese, giant toddler with a drink problem. He becomes emotionally abusing when drunk.

He also retaliates in an argument by farting. He farts a lot and they stink so much that they've made me physically sick. He also had a hygiene problem - would never have showered if I hadn't reminded him. Now he lives in a smelly, damp bedsit.

I'm sure he's currently on best behaviour but it won't last.[/quote]
And he smokes roll ups so he has yellow fingers and stinks of stale tobacco.

woodfirtrees · 07/11/2021 23:48

@livingwith

Hello all. Some sad stories here and I hope you are all coming through it and things getting better, or at least getting through the day. 10 days ago I ended my 25 years marriage because of a lot of stuff but final trigger being him starting an affair and telling me he had tried it on with two women in last year, already. I have stage 4 cancer. He says he wants to keep living with me to 'care for me' whilst seeing this other woman, as a kind of 'triangle'. Has also left her a very large sum in his will (only met her in July). There is more... Anyway enough was enough but I am in so much pain and we jointly own our house and he won't move out yet. Any hope that I will feel better in time? Of course my limited prognosis means I'm scared of feeling this bad until I die.
Just checking to see how you are? You've totally done the right thing. You deserve to be treated with respect no matter what. Sending hugs.
Peckhaminn · 03/01/2024 23:54

Just ended it with LTRP of 5 years due to lack of sex and physically attraction. Other than that, nothing wrong with our relationship at all. He was lovely.

So I'm joining the breakup club

livingwith · 02/03/2026 12:04

Hello, I see this thread has not been particular active but I had forgotten I had posted on it back in 2021. Thanks to those who replied, I don't think I saw replies as I was so out of it at the time. I am happy report I am still here, still living with stage 4 cancer in palliative treatment which has kept me stable with a quite good quality of life. After about 6 months from the ex moving out finally (Nov 21?) I recovered pretty well with a lot of effort and support. I now have nothing to do with him and nor do my children and he hasn't seen his now 3 Yr old grandchild. Sad, but I think we are all protecting ourselves. I got onto online dating, had one shorter relationship which did boost my confidence and I felt cared for. Then 2 years ago met my current lovely DP who now lives with me and I am so much happier. Huge changes in a few years. Sending best wishes to all.

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