I think I'm being ghosted

[jaffar]

And right before Valentine's Day

Why do men do this? Seriously who thinks this is the best way to end a relationship or treat someone? Especially in a fucking pandemic when they're your bubble.

I think we need more details. How long were you together? When was the last time you spoke or messaged? Were there any problems before this?
Yes it's shit and cowardly but if this is what he's really like then you're well rid.

So many people get ghosted I didn't even realise! It won't help the way you're feeling right now, but it's a blessing in disguise. You don't want to be with someone that will run away at the first sign of trouble or can't even tell you when they're not feeling it anymore. You deserve someone that will talk to you, not block you. How long were you together?

How long have you known him?

Hi OP.

I have been there. It bloody hurts and is so unnecessary. I think it puts you on the back foot and you end up spending time second guessing what you did, what he/her did, what may have changed. It’s a bit like reading a book and the last chapter is missing and you never really know how it ended.

Just know it is not a reflection on you but the other person and be prepared for a text in a few days, weeks trying to reel you back in.

Especially shit in a pandemic. See it as a blessing that you found out now what he is capable of and not further down the line.

We've been together almost a year. Known each other for 6 years. I last heard from him Thursday cancelling our plans and nothing since. He's not responding to texts and barely coming online (WhatsApp) when we normally talk a few times throughout the day.

It’s a great time to do it from the mans POV as it means they don’t have to but you anything 🙄

I’ve read scenarios where men have purposely ghosted or broken up with women before birthdays or valentines and then made up after as they are nasty, tight arseholes.

*buy

I feel your pain op. Mine if 4 yrs hasnt messaged me since I told him we weren't moving forward.. More to it but the silence, disappearing, ghosting hurts a lot.
Just be thankfuk you've seen who he is early on x

justanotherneighinparadise

I’ve heard of men doing it not because they don’t want to buy anything but because they are seeing others so want to be free on that day.

Tbf I do think it’s fine to ghost people depends on the situation though

It is never fine to ghost someone. Unless they are abusive to you. Even shit friends deserve to know.

I'm not sure a year in is early on. I know it seems it when you've been married years but it doesn't feel it to me.

It's really not fine to ghost someone, a quick message is better than just ignoring, thats cruel and cowardly, especially after a year! It must be really difficult for you but I suppose it shows his true nature, a weak coward.

I think to ghost after a year sounds a bit weird
Wouldn’t your first thought be is he ok?
(Yes I am probably naive 😂)

I guess I mean when someone won’t get the message or won’t accept it’s over then yes I do think that’s ok and women would be advised to do that if a man wouldn’t accept the relationship was over or if the person was a nutter then yes it would be safer to just disappear

wait until Valentine’s Day - if he doesn’t get in touch, block him immediately.

If he is waiting for Valentine’s Day to pass as to not have to spend it with you or not buy you a gift (which you haven’t even asked for!) then intends of picking up where he left off, blocking him will thwart his plan and stop you from getting reeled in

Ghosting you after a year and when you've known him so long seems a bit odd. Maybe something has happened? Are you able to go round his house and just see if he's okay?

Well I've just been told after complete silence for a couple of days which has never happened before, that he's just taking some time out and everything will be ok next week. I'm not some toy he can pick up and put down when he fancies. Been together over a year, love him to pieces but feeling really rubbish right now.

@JustHereWithPopcorn

Ghosting you after a year and when you've known him so long seems a bit odd. Maybe something has happened? Are you able to go round his house and just see if he's okay?

This was my first thought yes. After 24 hours and an ignored message I sent him a text saying 'can you just open this message and come online so I know you're alive. I'm worried'.

He came online, read it and ignored. I sent him a message last night saying 'please talk to me. Please. This is really upsetting me'. Ignored it for hours, then read and no response.

So clearly he's physically fine. But who ignored a message from someone begging them to answer?

Something could have happened maybe he is feeling depressed? If you’ve been together a year surely that’s long enough to go check on him

To me it sounds like something has happened which maybe he is nervous/scared to talk to you about yet? Could he have been made redundant or have a health scare? Or maybe received some bad news?

Have you tried calling?

How often do you see each other?

He's a dick. Were there really no other red flags before this?

Sometimes a "milestone " makes someone realise they are not feeling that committed and they bolt . He probably doesnt want to go through the whole romantic valentine's thing if he is not 100% on board .
Sorry dont mean that to sound harsh, it says more about him than it does you . But that is often the reason blokes bolt right before xmas , bdays etc
Does he think you are expecting him to propose? Move to the next stage? Make a grand gesture I wonder ?

If he's not answering my texts he's not going to pick up the phone.

Normally we see each other once a week (he has a lot of childcare). But we haven't seen each other for a couple. Last week we couldn't make our diaries work around kids. And this week we were supposed to do Thursday but he has to cancel in the morning due to childcare.

There have been red flags before in that he'll sometimes go quiet for a few days when he's dealing with something or we're under stress. But he's never ignored my messages or refused to engage.

I don't think it's Valentine's as we weren't due to see each other tomorrow and had already agreed to just spend some time together having a nice meal next week, no presents or anything (not my thing)

There have been red flags before in that he'll sometimes go quiet for a few days

A year's not that long and if he's behaving like that this early on you're best cutting your losses and moving on. Do not waste any more effort.

Crap timing but Valentine's a commercial money spinning load of guff anyway.

I suggested phone call as some people are better on the phone than with texting.

From your update I think it maybe other life issues that are consuming for him at the moment and unable to communicate this to you, eg embarrassed, stif upper lip etc.

As long as you know he isn't hurt, in danger then give him time to get back to you.