I think I'm being ghosted

[jaffar]

And right before Valentine's Day

Why do men do this? Seriously who thinks this is the best way to end a relationship or treat someone? Especially in a fucking pandemic when they're your bubble.

Presumably, OP, having known him for 6 years, you must have friends in common and you are bound to see him at some point. Things will come out in the end. You will find out what’s happened.

So sorry this happened to you, he's a coward and pathetic. It's incredibly painful to be ghosted, I had it in my last relationship, and then found out he was already with another woman. I felt much better when I deleted his numbers, blocked them and blocked every account he had on social media, including the work page.
You will feel better one day and it won't hurt so much, it's a really shitty way to treat another person IMO, and I have no respect for those who do it to their partners.
It's hard as ghosting leaves so many unanswered questions, and you feel like you want closure, but in reality you will probably never get it and it's not worth your time. Focus on yourself and count yourself lucky, he will more than likely continue to do this to every woman he gets with.
I hope you're okay

What a shit! But we warned you that he would just ignore any messages. Please don't give him any further satisfaction. Sit on your hands if you have to. I wouldn't even send an email at this point unless you could set it up to block a reply, as it's now obvious he's playing the game of One-upmanship.

Definitely block him on everything now, do it for your own mental health. As @PLAYJAJADINGDONG said, checking, texting or calling at this point is tantamount to doing yourself physical harm. Even if you suspect he was with another woman, that's very painful, but feel sorry for her for being stuck with a pathetic man-child who has no sense of decency, commitment or responsibility.

Concentrate on yourself today.

I promise you the pain will fade with time. The friend who ghosted me eventually got back in touch nearly a year later. Why? because she wanted support for a difficult time she was going through. Ghosters are selfish. Told me she had family drama and that's why she hadn't replied to all my calls and messages. But by then, my heart was as cold as ice and I was surprised she thought I still cared. From fantasizing about her getting back in touch I was good, happy and thriving never hearing from her again.

You'll get there, and find better friends and lovers.

Wow how terrible of him to keep ignoring your messages... he is a coward ... what happened to just communicating with you even if he didn’t want to be with you anymore .... what a cruel cowardly way to end with someone ... he doesn’t deserve you OP......

Of course you’re not being OTT to want an explanation or better treatment. But it doesn’t sound like you’re going to get one. What did you get him for valentines? If chocolate or alcohol, eat/drink it. Wrap up the package/bottle and label it to a cowardly, ignorant, rude twat then post it to him!

God that sounds awful no wonder you are so hurt. I haven’t dated in 11 years and the thought of being ditched like that after a year is terrible, don’t think I’ll bother. I know I’m old but why wouldn’t he just tell you if he’d had enough, these days he wouldn’t even have to do it in person

Op I’m really surprised by this. Can sort of understand OLD ghosting as they don’t owe you anything after a couple of dates ( although cowardice still) but this is so mean. It sounds like you have mutual friends and were friends yourself - how hard is it to just let you know he’s okay but doesn’t think things are working out. Does he think you might come over if he does that? I can’t understand how anyone can be so cruel to someone else, especially after a year and a friendship background. I do understand your need for closure but he just isn’t replying so how to get it?? Did you argue or anything before this weird behaviour?

OP it’s horrible I know. My advice is against the grain here, but he is telling you with his actions that he needs space. If you can be patient and give him some time and space you will get the explanation. It’s just a few days so I would say just stop contacting him, but don’t burn the bridges, don’t block him. Let him come to you when he is ready. Sometimes people need time and space to sort out their issues. After a year maybe he is thinking of committing or quitting, you can’t know which. Anxiety, jumping to conclusions, and lashing out will just precipitate an ending which you don’t necessarily want. Concentrate on yourself and give it time

Urggghhhh.....I'd be pretty upset too OP. It's one thing to end a relationship, but doing it by not doing it is a really shitty thing.

I'd just go absolutely silent tbh. He will be back in contact at some point I would imagine. But don't give him all the power.

He’s a coward. I’m sorry that you’re hurting, whilst I agree with the feminist perspective of not shutting up, the only person who will be hurt is you.

Stop texting him!

What an absolutely appalling way to treat you. I’m sorry he has done this to you. What a bastard. I would want an explanation too - it’s the very least you deserve! X

So sorry Jaffar. What an arse!!

I've been following your thread from the start.
And I agree I thi k he is with someone else.
The only thing I would suggest is leaving it now.
Dont contact him anymore.
The more you are contacting him the more power you are giving him.
Last year there was a thread where the OP was dumped by text.
It took everything she had not to contact the guy but she didnt contact him.
In the end the guy kept messaging and trying to get back in touch with her.
It was really inspiring because the guy had been such a douche.
Stop contacting him. Ignore. Block him on everything. And if he does end up contacting you, you ignore him and block some more.
Hes shown his true colours, every time you are messaging him your stroking his ego.

Just leave it now OP. He is completely in the wrong and you know it. Keep your head and your dignity and just be thankful that you dodged that bullet - he would have done this sooner it later anyway as this is him obviously. So sorry, you didn't deserve it.

Hey op hope your doing ok

@jaffar how are you doing? Has he replied?

What a coward.

I would have shown up at his house, not for an explanation but to drop his crap off and tell him to fuck off.
Just a sentence or two, drop his stuff, turn around and leave.

As for his gift, enjoy it yourself, get your money back, or gift it to someone else.

He did respond yes, on Monday. We have talked a bit back and forth since. He has no answer for what happened or why, other than he isn't coping right now and so just spiralled to a bad place.

It would almost be easier if he has something hurtful to say, as it's hard to walk away from someone you love and who needs help.

I can see both sides of this, of course having depression deserves a pass the first few times this may happen, it’s completely understandable that he finds it difficult to carry out normal activities. However if this later turns into a constant/repeat performance, you may have to end the relationship to protect your own mental health.

He's reading your messages and choosing not to reply. That's your answer I think. It sucks but cut your losses and move on. I've been ghosted but I only persue it for so long before I fuck them off and move on. Take the power back and get on with your life.

@jaffar

I'm not going to message again, I have deleted his number and boxed up all his letters/gift/his Valentine's card etc.

Not done anything with it yet, but needed it all out of sight.

Bin it!

Op as @simma2 says he's reading your messages and choosing not to reply. Mines been doing this and on Monday I called him as had, had enough of the games. He answered and acted like nothing had happened. Said he thought we needed space.. Erm OK I wasn't aware of this but... As soon as we'd spoke he seemed OK and was messaging.. I then told him I'd had enough and he needed to get his stuff. He was fine till that point and surprise back ignoring.. Now he's got a sore throat (hasn't really had a prob with illness in 4 years so yeah I'll figure that one out for myself'.. Bin it off, it's mentally draining..

Being in a relationship for a year, yes I would expect an explanation of a 'disappearance'. Surely it's just common courtesy, and consideration, that you tell your girlfriend you're going to ignore her for a while

If this was a casual acquaintance, then I'd say get rid, clearly it's not OP, so give him the benefit of the doubt THIS time.

"Fool me once, shame on you..fool me twice, shame on me"

I think even if someone is depressed or anxious, they can reply to let you know they need some space as they’re struggling and will be in contact soon. You were telling him how upset you were and he wasn’t even replying to that. That’s just plain rude.