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Original poster

I think I'm being ghosted

161 replies

jaffar · 13/02/2021 10:40

And right before Valentine's Day Sad

Why do men do this? Seriously who thinks this is the best way to end a relationship or treat someone? Especially in a fucking pandemic when they're your bubble.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/02/2021 16:55

@DianaT1969

"Fighting for someone you love" puts you in the role of romantic hero. In fact, you are a human being ignored by another human in a hurtful way. It's better to see it as it is, without the romantic spin. It hurts, but this is who he is - on his best behaviour. Imagine what he'd do 5 months into a relationship when things are mundane and you're picking up each other's socks? If he gets back to you, ignore him. Every month you spend waiting and giving him headspace is lost time.
All of this.

It's not a love story, it's a story about an adult being ignored by another adult. To the extent they are openly reading and ignoring messages.

It's disrespectful and immature of him. You're being treated poorly. Don't fight for someone who is treating you poorly and with a lack of respect.

Jackie2022 · 13/02/2021 16:57

I don’t get what “fighting” means either. I mean, you could compete against another woman over him.

You could colloquially “fight” to save a relationship when it’s about to end, if by that you mean put in effort to rescue it. But if the other person doesn’t engage then there’s nothing you can do - you can’t force him to be in a relationship when he doesn’t want to. He’s been fairly clear that he doesn’t want to speak to you. So you can’t even “fight” in a colloquial sense either

DianaT1969 · 13/02/2021 17:06

Out of interest OP, did he make an effort on your birthday?

Original poster
jaffar · 13/02/2021 17:08

@DianaT1969

Out of interest OP, did he make an effort on your birthday?
Yes, and for Christmas. He surprised me by turning up when I didn't think I'd get to see him, and had a serious of really thoughtful presents which each had meaning in a different way. For my birthday we couldn't be together as in lockdown one and I was bubbled with family, so he posted me presents and a card. We'd only been together about 2 months the .
OP posts:
Shimmyshimmycocobop · 13/02/2021 17:14

I also think that relationships should be easy in the first couple of years at least, there should be no fighting to keep them. My exh left after 19 years together, I let him go and never once thought I should fight to keep the relationship going.
Once someone wants out that's it, it is painful but you've done the right thing in blocking him, you deserve better than this.

BlueSkyAhead · 13/02/2021 17:18

Forget about him OP 💚

IthinkIm · 13/02/2021 17:22

What a coward. I hope you meet someone a million times better.

Dery · 13/02/2021 17:34

«There is absolutely no such thing as 'fighting for someone's love' at all (apart from in songs).

If someone wants to be with you then they will. It's as simple as that. Really it is.”

This. Soon you’ve had this experience, OP. It’s a blow. Like some PP, I suspect there’s someone else on the scene - hence the complete radio silence.

SummerBlondey · 13/02/2021 17:38

I'd go round and knock his door, tbh. Ask the dickhead what he's playing at. Unless you find him lying in a pool of blood, with 2 broken legs, desperately reaching out to his mobile across the room, with a wire coat hanger (and accidently opening your messages as he taps away), then I'd get very, VERY angry.

SpringtimeBluebells · 13/02/2021 17:49

I feel for you @jaffar it really isn't nice the way he is treating you. You have messaged a few times and you know the messages have been read so now leave it to him. Be prepared that he might not respond.

Ghosting is a cowardly way to end something. There is no excuse ever. People who do this are basically cowards who are unable to be honest and say. It is quite possible to end something in a nice way rather than just turn into a very rude, ignorant ghost.

Should he suddenly turn up again on the message front in a few weeks/months unless there is a really good reason then perhaps be kind to yourself and move on to someone better who respects you and your time.

Good luck x

InFiveMins · 13/02/2021 17:50

You are being ghosted OP but to be honest, he sounds abusive - you are asking him to reply and he won't. He knows he is leaving you distressed, upset, whatever - all he has to do is text and tell you he doesn't want to be with you anymore.
Be the bigger, stronger person and text him and tell him as he's such a petulant child you've decided to end the relationship and he is not to contact you. Then block him, and move on.

Wiredforsound · 13/02/2021 17:53

He sounds like a piece of crap.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 13/02/2021 17:57

It's really hurtful and horrible of him to do this to you but I agree with all of the previous posters. Letting you worry about him without giving you some indication of where he's at is unforgivable. Even if he just said, 'don't want to talk right now but I'm fine'. Or 'I'm not fine but need some space'. Or even 'it's over sorry but I can't do this anymore'.
It doesn't take much to just ping something like that over just to clear things up.

HighSpecWhistle · 13/02/2021 18:54

That's awful especially after so long together. A year is a long time to just blank someone.

Sounds like you've dodged a bullet though. Who needs someone like that in their life?

2me2u2u2me · 13/02/2021 19:50

@SummerBlondey

I'd go round and knock his door, tbh. Ask the dickhead what he's playing at. Unless you find him lying in a pool of blood, with 2 broken legs, desperately reaching out to his mobile across the room, with a wire coat hanger (and accidently opening your messages as he taps away), then I'd get very, VERY angry.
Definitely this Grin
profilechange · 14/02/2021 09:49

Hope you're ok OP x

CatherineOfAragonsPomegranate · 14/02/2021 10:26

I've been ghosted by a close female friend and I couldn't believe the pain and humiliation I felt.

Even a bad break up where you hate each others' guts, but get it all out and know where you both stand is faaaar better and much more preferable than being gaslighted into thinking things are fine one day, then literally waking up to being cut off with zero explanation!!

A person who does this to you has no real respect or appreciation for you. It's the lowest of the low. How on earth can you be intimate with someone over time then suddenly treat them as if they are dead without explanation?!

The only exceptions are if someone is truly experiencing severe depression, is going through grief, is extremely ill with a life threatening illness or is trapped abroad.

Bar the above, this man does not deserve your time or effort ever again. It's mental cruelty and a form of abuse...accept it and forgive and he's liable to do it again. It's a character flaw. That said if you decide to wait for him to 'return' at least you might get needed closure. I have to say I don't think bar the scenarios above there can be an acceptable explanation.

Be careful if he returns to any hit of gaslighting/reverse faultfinding of you.

I am sorry this has been done to you. No one deserves to be treated like this. Block, delete, grieve (for as long as necessary) and move on is my adviceFlowers

Original poster
jaffar · 14/02/2021 12:21

Still no contact. He's stayed offline till this morning which is unheard of.

I just can't get over the cruelty of reading a message from one someone telling you you're upsetting them, and ignoring it. How little that person has to mean to you, for you to do that to them.

OP posts:
bombastical · 14/02/2021 13:19

Have you done a drive by of his house? Are you absolutely certain that he’s single? Have you met any of his kids/friends/family?

PatchworkElmer · 14/02/2021 13:38

Really sorry jaffar. It’s really cruel of him 😔

Minikievs · 14/02/2021 13:40

OP I am with you in that I agree a year is not early days. When people have been married for years and years, it sounds early days. But it isn't.
And now we are all a bit older, childcare, work (and lockdown) make it harder to see each other much. Just because you see each other once a week doesn't make it casual.

I've been in exactly this situation, except my ghosting occurred after a row (a petty row to me. Not worthy of being ignored) He even ignored my birthday 2 days later.

I got back in touch. Chased a bit I suppose. We are seeing each other again casually now. But it'll never be the same. I'm much more blase about it. And he's ruined any chance of us having a proper relationship again.

I would probably message if it were me. But I'm a desperate loser. It's the wrong thing to do.
Not only is he being awful to you, but you've actually known him as a friend for 6 years. Friends don't treat friends like this.

Even if there's a huge issue (family bereavement etc) it takes less than a minute to reply to your message and let you know he'll be off radar and why.

I hope you'll be ok. Be kind to yourself. He's not worth your upset Thanks

PPNC · 14/02/2021 13:45

You’ve done nothing wrong and to be honest fighting for a damn explanation isn’t wrong either, particularly after a year.

This has happened to me after only a couple of months though, I chased the fucker until he answered but only to get that reason (you have kids, like that was new news Hmm), and to have the opportunity to tell him it was fine as that wasn’t behaviour I was willing to accept anyway as he was an utter coward.

Felt good, he did admit he hadn’t “dared” tell me, so I just felt like I was far too brave and caring for the cockwomble.

Get your closure but ONLY to be done, there is no coming back from this.

Wanderlusto · 14/02/2021 13:48

I'd take the power back and text 'fine, fuck you then, we're done' then block him on everything.

Assuming it cant be that someone has died and he couldn't bring himself to text 'my dads died' ect? But I mean, he could have phoned you. Or just messaged that there was stuff going on and he needs space for a few days. There really is no excuse to just vanish.

Sitchervice · 14/02/2021 14:30

@jaffar I'm so sorry this is happening. I'm not one for valentines my self but I can understand that for other people it's an important. And to be ghosted by someone you cared about and trusted. Well that's just low.

There's no excuse for ghosting. I think it's time to take care of yourself. Retail therapy by your self crap food. Have a good cry and chat with loved ones about it.

Let him go. If he comes back ask for an explanation to the behaviour and then decide from there.

grassisjeweled · 14/02/2021 14:33

As for “fighting for someone you love,” fuck that.

^
This, really.

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