I think I'm being ghosted

[jaffar]

And right before Valentine's Day

Why do men do this? Seriously who thinks this is the best way to end a relationship or treat someone? Especially in a fucking pandemic when they're your bubble.

What's the last thing you said to him before he cancelled the plans? Maybe you upset him in some way? Anyhow if he can't communicate then you can't solve it.

I wouldn’t message him any more OP.

@PatchworkElmer

I wouldn’t message him any more OP.

Where is the line between fighting for someone you love and not being a doormat?

I can never seem to find it.

I'd not message either. He's the hunter, you're the prize. Don't message him, sit on those fingers !

I wouldn't message again. How nasty of him.

Definitely don't message him. You have already, he's read it and chosen not to answer. Whatever his issues he has no regard for your feelings whatsoever.

Was with someone who did this whenever life became difficult or he felt down. I got used to it eventually, loved him to pieces, still do. Just used to wait until he "came back". He'd always message eventually when he felt better. It's really tough to be ignored though, I won't lie. Used to drive me mad, but no amount of nagging, explaining, would get through to him. It was just how he was....is. Not seen him for over a year due to his "germaphobic" nature - the virus has sent him into a very anxious state.... but it has given me time to assess his behaviour and I may chose not to continue. While you wait for him to "come back" you may have to think carefully if you will be able to deal with this long term OP.

He doesn't love you back though, not if he's treating you like this. His behaviour shows you how important you are to him.

@jaffar I think because you’ve told him he’s distressing you, and he’s not replied. That would be the line for me. He might come to you eventually, but unless he has a very good reason- this shows you exactly who he is.

There is no need for his behaviour. Especially as you have known each other for years!

I think the best thing is to stop messaging him now. You have made it clear you are worried about him, he has chosen to ignore you.
I do understand it's difficult because with ghosting there is no closure. It might be best to delete his number too, in order to stop yourself from contacting him.

You've messaged him several times.
You've pleaded with him to respond.
You've reached and crossed the doormat side of the line now.
I'd stop messaging him if I were you.

It sounds to me like you were ‘seeing each other’ rather than ‘in a relationship’.
Once a week is a booty call IMHO. Sorry to say this - I would guess he has met someone else, if he just wanted to end the relationship he would talk to you but feels sheepish because there is someone else so it’s easier to ghost.

He blows hot and cold, makes you anxious and effectively begging him back to you.

OP, he is LOVING it.

He also badly needs to be dumped. Imagine a man like this with 2 kids and financially dependent. Hint: it doesn't go in a good direction and it does affect the kids too.

This is your warning and your opportunity to avoid a lifetime of misery. Embrace it, take the breakup grief, and allow yourself the opportunity to get a decent one. 🚮

The relationship definitely sounds
More on the casual side..

Most people would have given up on him by now OP, that’s how you stop being a doormat.

Ignoring the text checking if he’s okay is just rude. It speaks volumes on how little he cares about you. You’re mugging yourself off further and further each time you contact him again.

Just block him and be done with it. He’ll come crawling back in a few months. Hopefully by then you’ll be in a better place mentally to rebuff him

What does this mean, "fighting for someone you love"?
Who are fighting with?

You've messaged him several times.
You've pleaded with him to respond.
You've reached and crossed the doormat side of the line now.
I'd stop messaging him if I were you.

This, although I appreciate that's much easier to see when you're not emotionally involved.

You won't need to 'fight' for the right person. As soon as I realised that, and accepted it, my relationships got a lot better... the trash started taking itself out, so to speak.

Yeah I think this was a casual “relationship” too. It seems the feelings are one sided, you feel stronger than he does and now he’s distancing himself from you. He probably has met someone else, but regardless his heart was never in this “relationship” to begin with

Not sure why people are having a go at me, I haven't contacted him again

I sent him one text asking if he was alive when he hadn't been online for 24 hours, then one asking him to speak to me. That's it. Would most people really have given up before that after a year?

And yes it was a relationship, not causal. We can only see each other once a week due to lockdown, living 30mins away and his childcare. I think that's quite normal for someone with kids and a full time job!

You’ve messaged, you know he’s read them and he’s not responded.

I wouldn’t message again.

As for “fighting for someone you love,” fuck that. If a man couldn’t be arsed to speak to me and thought that it was ok and thought I’d be fighting to keep him he would be in for one hell of a shock.

Ghosting is shit. I don’t care who you’re doing it to, it’s cowardly and shows someone up for the shit person they are.

It doesn’t sound like he was invested in it sorry,
Maybe it was a relationship to you but it’s sounds like it was more casual to him. his behaviour now is showing that

I'm not going to message again, I have deleted his number and boxed up all his letters/gift/his Valentine's card etc.

Not done anything with it yet, but needed it all out of sight.

There is absolutely no such thing as 'fighting for someone's love' at all (apart from in songs).

If someone wants to be with you then they will. It's as simple as that. Really it is.

I feel for you. It must be horrible and I hope you get to speak to him soon, whatever the outcome is.

"Fighting for someone you love" puts you in the role of romantic hero. In fact, you are a human being ignored by another human in a hurtful way. It's better to see it as it is, without the romantic spin. It hurts, but this is who he is - on his best behaviour. Imagine what he'd do 5 months into a relationship when things are mundane and you're picking up each other's socks?
If he gets back to you, ignore him.
Every month you spend waiting and giving him headspace is lost time.

Also, if you met him on a dating app, check if his profile has been active. Sorry, but it's possible he is checking what's out there. Find your anger.