Loneliness after separation

[havecourage8bekind]

I imagine lonliness after separation is normal in any time, but lonliness after separation in a pandemic is horrendous. Anyone else? I spent ten years with someone, and now I'm a single parent who can't even socialise to fill that void/gap. I spend my time googling "how to not feel lonely" and watching all the right YouTube videos, reading uplifting quotes and filling my social media full of positive things...but at the end of the day I feel so crap!! I'm the one that ended the relationship so I think people have stopped checking in, because they think after three months I'm probably feeling better (doesn't help that I tell them I'm okay when we do chat, I suppose!)
Anyone wanna join my lonely girls club lol???

Excellent!!
Totally agree!

Do you know what else has helped me the last few years. The Tao te ching.

Get an annotated version, it's good. Applicable to any part of life and so uplifting.

My favourite of the evening "the most spiritual thing you can do sometimes, is tell someone to fuck off"

@beachtrip I've never heard of that?

@havecourage8bekind
Check it out,
It predates Buddhism but is often likened to it. It's all about how you approach things and perspective.
It helps me a lot.

An old Mumsnet favourite mantra of mine

Fuck Off To The Far Side Of Fuck Then Fuck Off Sone More...

FOTTFSOFTFOSM 😂😂😂

@beachtrip I will definitely check it out. Hahahaha I like that one....might have to send it to STBEXH next time he messages me a string of messages asking if I've met someone else because I had makeup on when we exchanged the children.

Oh god yes.
Why do they care???
I swear down, my ex got nicer when I was seeing someone.
Why??

I will join. Single mum "d" H ran off with OW about a year ago. So he is all cosy while she is furloughed and playing house wife and I am WFH and homeschooling 2 kids.
I feel desperately lonely at times. I have my best friend in my bubble which helps. But I haven't seen my family for over 12 months.
It is really hard sometimes. So I hear you all.

Separated from DH last October after 20 years together... lots of issues obvs - but we still love each other/having counselling and going for the odd walk/trying to work through stuff. Lockdowns emphasised the feeling of being alone though yes... and I don't want to jump back in for the 'wrong' reasons. Yep, the nights are the longest... netflix is my friend...

You are not alone!

Not seeing family is really hard.
Texting helps but the isolation is tough.
I last saw my mum in late November, when I just stopped by her garden and had a chat but not since then.

Thankfully there isn't any school work today so fingers crossed it will be easier.

Hang in there ya'll.

Can I join. My 20 year ex OH had an affair 18 months ago when I found out accidentally. He tried to lay the blame at my door. Got back together for a bit but it didn't work out and I ended up as I couldn't forgive him. I have one DD. I definitely think lockdown is making us all feel worse. My emotions are all over the place. He is living with his father.To make things worse he just turns up at the house, doesn't speak to me and sits in the living room with my DD for a few hours. He pays half of the mortgage so I can't stop him coming in.

I know the only option is to move next year. My dd begins secondary school this year so don't want to do it this year and I have a lot of things to do to get the house up to selling standard which my ex OH neglected so now I've got to do it all on my own. It's lonely and overwhelming to say the least. Glad I'm not alone in how I feel though...I'm sure there are better days ahead....

@gonnabeok We're here will you and will help you along the way. Woke up this morning to an empty bed, hate that. Miss rolling over and giving a cuddle or waking up with my wife snuggled up to me.

Have had the urge to message my wife to tell her I love her and miss her but I am staying strong and won't send.

That should have said we're here for you and will help you along the way :)

@feeficken good for you staying strong.
It's so hard when we have feelings to express but feel constrained and like we have to bury them.

@gonnabeok sorry you're struggling.
The prospect of doing up the home might be daunting and come with resentment. I certainly felt that was after my exh moved out.
But now... I feel such pride and self accomplishment.
I've done this place up (not complete yet) on my own, while raising two children, working. Studying etc.
I did that.
And you will manage it too and honestly, you'll feel better for it

If I see one more valentines ad....

I think the last year has been horrendous and especially in this situation. If it’s any consolation it wouldn’t have been a bundle of laughs being stuck in day and night with someone in a relationship that had gone sour either.

Sorry so many of us are struggling! I hope we can use this thread to work through the highs and lows together. I've just had to block my ex from everything other than email because he's just relentless..lovebombing to the max but still being controlling and obsessive! Then had the decency to say we haven't all had it easy like I have...I know he wanted a reaction so I rose above it and blocked!

Ohhhhh my people. May I join?

I'm over 5 years separated single parent to two and the loneliness is still crippling.

Try and mention it to anyone feels like a pity party somehow.

It's almost a taboo it seems at times and seems to make people uncomfortable.

@havecourage8bekind good for you!!
How fucking cheeky... ghosted used to say that a lot. How hard we all have it and I disagreed. I'm not looking for sympathy or that I've got it harder.
But I'm at home with 2 kids, no support no relief.
Ghosted is at home alone doing whatever he wants whenever he wants.
The situations aren't comparable.

@mummyof2lou I get you, Valentine's Day is just a reminder we're alone. But I've decided I'm loving me that day. I don't need a man, that's my thing. I just want one.

@DustyVenetian welcome!!
I get that completely. I don't tell people how much I'm struggling because they don't know what to do or say. I don't want pity.

@Beachtrip thanks for the welcome.
So nice to find people who get it.

Yes to the pity party!! I hate it. I want to talk about loneliness for sure and it's shit - but talking about it with married friends turns into them showering me with pity. Easier to say everything's okay!

@mummyof2lou have an evening of self care!!! We don't need a partner to have a day of love x

I've just received a 30% off Ubereats code so happy valentine's to me

@havecourage8bekind awesome!!!
My sadness is my favourite take away round here doesn't do Uber eats or just eat. Sad times

FYI, Dua Lipa's new album is giving me life today. So on point!!