Loneliness after separation

[havecourage8bekind]

I imagine lonliness after separation is normal in any time, but lonliness after separation in a pandemic is horrendous. Anyone else? I spent ten years with someone, and now I'm a single parent who can't even socialise to fill that void/gap. I spend my time googling "how to not feel lonely" and watching all the right YouTube videos, reading uplifting quotes and filling my social media full of positive things...but at the end of the day I feel so crap!! I'm the one that ended the relationship so I think people have stopped checking in, because they think after three months I'm probably feeling better (doesn't help that I tell them I'm okay when we do chat, I suppose!)
Anyone wanna join my lonely girls club lol???

@justanotheroldman I don't like your username...you're not just another old man...I'm sure you're a bloody lovely one!! Sorry to hear how lonely you are x we are here!

@mermaidwaves 17 years is a really long time! I think after being with someone so long we can have a bit of an identity crisis afterwards and feel like we don't know who we are alone. Did you feel that? Sorry to hear your fling hurt you too. I think it's good though that you recognise the need to work on your self esteem, I do aswell. Easier said then done though.

@havecourage8bekind I can defo say I feel like that, don't know who I am. I was with my wife as a teenager, only woman I have ever been with as well and was only ever with her. So yeah I have no idea who I am by myself, it also seems very daunting to think about but I am sure it will come with time as I grieve the lost relationship.

@havecourage8bekind You're right - I do think I'm over stretching myself a bit, but then the days feel so long and I look for things to fill them with. I also have a few things that my husband wouldn't let me do/wasn't keen on/made it unpleasant, so I kind of want to do those things more because of that.

Having a bit of a wobble today, was sick in the night so now I'm tired and feeling a bit grim still. Wishing there was someone else here to walk the dog or give me a bit of sympathy!

My eldest (8) has spent the day fussing and creating problems. I kind of backed myself into a corner by putting my foot down. Until I eventually lost my cool abs to my shame, I swore.

But there is no one here to take the slack at all.
I'm struggling.
Ex h is messing around with half term plans. I'm just feeling shit.

A guy I once dated but it just fizzled out has started texting again. Which is at least amusing. No prospect of anything but I guess I'm enjoying the attention 😂

Lockdown sucks

A lot to be said for setting up a huge commune where you all get your own bedrooms and lounge but huge play area, social area in the middle etc and then you can go 'back home' when you have had enough -like a huge bubble.

@beachtrip don't feel bad, we all have them moments where we just can't cope anymore and snap. Have a cuppa, chocolate, cake, whatever it is...and recharge for ten minutes and then go give her a hug. I hope your day gets better Xxx

@feeficken I relate. I was 17 when I met my husband and he was my first everything..so now I'm 10 years down the line feeling like I have no clue who I am. Helps to know what we are feeling is normal I suppose?

@irishoak I've just chatted to my therapist about this and she's advised me to slow down...I was (am) taking on far too much to keep myself busy...filling my days with stuff, jobs, to do lists...then having days I would crash..then straight back to it. She's said it's not healthy in the long run and we need to tackle our problems head on, not try and mask them with a to do list. Suppose she makes sense. But I get it, the days are looooong!

@canitbemagic how amazing would that be!

@havecourage8bekind
Thats exactly how I feel! Totally lost and without an identity. I had the role of wife and now I feel I am nothing. I had some horrible experiences online dating after my marriage so this hasn't helped my sense of self, I feel totally unloveable. I see some proud, happy single ladies on mumsnet and I long to be one of them! I know deep down I need to be content being by myself but my heart still aches when I see other happy couples. I'm dreading valentines day.

@havecourage8bekind

Very good point about OLD during lockdown & how they don’t live up to it! Not getting too invested doesn’t come easy to me but I’ll actively work at it! I haven’t signed up yet! I’ll let ye know when I do.

@havecourage8bekind

I hope the therapy went well. I know it can be tough but it’s so worth it.

How are we all this evening? I've just ordered a new notebook/journal and I'm going to start journalling my thoughts and feelings, hoping it might help to get stuff on paper and out of my head..

Long day.
Very long day with my eldest. Just endless tantrums and procrastination.

@havecourage8bekind the journal, yes!

I started typing today. I took everything from my most recent 'relationship' and started writing. I started at the beginning, literally meeting on an app and kept typing. It's pouring out. Each instance turn by turn and I've noticed ex how crap it was. The whole way through.
Culminating in him ghosting me.
I'm up to some 5000 words already 😂
It's so helpful.
This has really helped!

How was your day?

@beachtrip sorry you haven't had a great day, I hope tomorrow is better for you! Wow 5000 words - I bet it feels like a weight off your shoulders getting it all out. I've been told it really helps so I'm looking forward to trying it. I've been finding peace in small poems / quotes so I'm also going to jot down all my favourite ones as I find it so therapeutic reading what seems like my life in someone else's words! R.h.sin is my fav! How long were you talking / dating ghoster? X

@havecourage8bekind only 6 months. But we had done the whole... becoming Exclusive, deleting apps and I love you bit.

In reality it's not long but it's just that ghosting aspect. So uncool.

R.h.sin is awesome. Love his insta posts and books. Even when things are going great they are always a reminder of our worth.

TGIF tomorrow! Roll on half term!!

@beachtrip six months is a long time to then be ghosted...I got ghosted after four weeks of chatting to a guy I'd never met and that hurt so don't downplay it! It's cowardly and says so much more about them than the person they're ghosting! Yesss I follow him on insta that's how I found him, ordered one of his books and I love it. I'm hoping by filling my head with all these positive quotes and poetry IL start believing it soon. Probably won't lol!!! We've nearly made it to half term....one more day we can do this lol

@Beachtrip

Ghosting after 6 months & being exclusive is horrendous. Yuck. I’m
Sorry he did that.

It will work, it just takes time.
I spend more time scrolling quotes on insta then is probably healthy 😂 but I've come to learn a lot of them and now they revolve round my mind.

A favourite is "if you have to think twice about me, don't choose me at all"

Because it's so true. Wish I'd listened to it better obviously. But we're our own worst enemy's aren't we? So wanting to be loved and wanted, I know I put up with way more then I should 🤦🏻‍♀️

@Changeispossible thank you!
Honestly, I'm more annoyed about that then I am the loss of the relationship (which now I have time shows it wasn't healthy) but to ghost like that.... disgraceful.

The ghosting speaks to his character so you dodged a bullet!

@beachtrip I'm feeling alot less weird now because I also spend far too much time scrolling and saving quotes on insta . It helps though right!?

I came straight back here cos I just saved another 😂

"Never trust a man who tries to destroy you when he's mad. That's weak"

It does help! For sure. This is self love of the maddest degree 😅

"a bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on her own wings" The cornier the better!!!