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Original poster

Are there any men who don't cheat....

291 replies

Manda2725 · 07/02/2021 17:42

Okay, so I'm feeling a bit down tbh. As per previous thread I just hit rid of my first boyfriend in 10 years who I found out was chatting with women online. My partner prior to this had an affair and left me 7 months pregnant with our second child.
I feel so ready to settle down, get married and do all that stuff but what's the point with all these bloody men and wen who don't give a damn about cheating.
I literally had a message from a guy on my Facebook offering himself on a plate to me (he has a girlfriend)... And tbh it's the last thing I need and just confirms yet again that faithful relationships are hard to come by.
I'm actually giving up and I'm only 40 😔...
I asked the guy why men do this and he said "no man is ever really happy, they are always looking for something better"
That cut my soul deep. Do you guys think there really are decent, faithful men out there who are genuinely happy with what they have.

OP posts:
Badtasteflump · 07/02/2021 23:18

I haven't read the whole thread but I am in my late 40's and am pretty sure I've never been cheated on.... I had one or two pretty unpleasant exes but I don't believe they cheated on me. I've been with DH over 20 years and I know he hasn't and wouldn't cheat. I also know at least as many married couples who are happy and pretty devoted to each other as those who have gone through affairs/cheating and have divorced (or stayed together). I truly believe that there are just as many good men out there as there are good women.

Original poster
Manda2725 · 07/02/2021 23:19

@alpenguin my last boyfriend was a quiet one. Had the same safe feelings.
Well thanks all... Still have some hope after reading the above so all is not lost. I guess its what type of person they are, and the will power to resist or whether they are truly happy in a monogamous relationship.

Honesty would be a nice start..... We only get one life, getting fed up of wasting time with people who are playing me x

OP posts:
Original poster
Manda2725 · 07/02/2021 23:21

@badtasteflump
🥰🥰. 20 years.... Thank you for your story x

OP posts:
Original poster
Manda2725 · 07/02/2021 23:24

@TossaCoinToYerWitcher.
Ah OK, I'd never heard of it.... 😂.
I'm my experience all the men have been cheaters, hence ny title.
I must remember to word more correctly as not to offend next time.
I just said it from my personal experience
It's only my second post... I'm struggling lately and needed a chat that's all.

OP posts:
missrm · 07/02/2021 23:25

Nope

Original poster
Manda2725 · 07/02/2021 23:25

I'm not quite ofay with these chat sites..... It was also bevause the man that messaged me the other day told me that "all men are cheats" which cut my soul... (as per original post). So I was using his wording

OP posts:
MsAwesomeDragon · 07/02/2021 23:27

Well I don't think my dh has ever, or will ever, cheat. But lots of people say that, and then they're devastated when it does happen. I will say that dh barely leaves the house right now as he's wfh and I'm the person going out to the supermarket and for walks, so if either of us was going to have an affair I'm the one with the most opportunity.

My dad has never cheated, as far as I know. And my brother definitely hasn't (you don't want him though, he's gross!! Never had a girlfriend either, which makes it difficult to cheat). So there are some men or there who don't cheat.

I rather suspect there are more men who would cheat if the opportunity arose than there are who wouldn't. But I have no evidence to back that up, just feelings and anecdotes from my friends and family.

TossaCoinToYerWitcher · 07/02/2021 23:28

@Manda2725
That's fair enough and I can sympathise. My ex-wife cheated on me at the same time one of my best friend's cheated on him and it was so hard not give into that whole "all women suck" mentality. I completely get where your coming from. Hopefully a decent man will make himself known one day. Flowers

Original poster
Manda2725 · 07/02/2021 23:32

@TossaCoinToYerWitcher...
I did post it as a question too in my defense lol.
Not a statement. I have a teenage son and two brothers, so I'm not a man hater I promise. Just a wounded soul at the minute.
Sorry to hear that, it's not nice being cheated on, especially when your intentions are pure and you give your all.
Fingers crossed the universe brings me a good one next time 🙏❤️.

OP posts:
Badtasteflump · 07/02/2021 23:33

You're welcome. Trust me, I'm just a normal person, not stunning or anything out of the ordinary. I do wonder if subconsciously expecting to be cheated on can kind of set you up for it. I have a friend who has been serially cheated on. Her dad also cheated on her mum. My dad was devoted to my mother, and I think that has lead me to go into relationships expecting to be treated well. As a result I would always check out of new relationships pretty quickly if I didn't sense the other person was invested enough and putting in the effort. Conversely I suspect my friend would give new boyfriends chances that I never would have - therefore inadvertently getting involved with men who were never going to put her first. I know I'm generalising here and could well be talking out of my arse 😁.

Baws · 07/02/2021 23:37

@yearinyearout

Got to love all these posters saying their dad/brothers/cousins never cheat. Like they'd tell you!

My thoughts exactly! 😳😂

Original poster
Manda2725 · 07/02/2021 23:37

@badtasteflump
I have wondered myself if a mindset attracts the wrong type of energy. That's why I stayed single for so long to ensure I'd healed.
Who knows lol.... I've always been a "once a cheat always a cheat" type or "leopards never change their spots"
With my last boyfriend I tried not to be like that and did ignore a few red flags as to give him chances.
Maybe that's where I went wrong x

OP posts:
Original poster
Manda2725 · 07/02/2021 23:39

@snowyowl
You have.... Thank you! 🙏🥰🥰

OP posts:
DanceLikeAdamAnt · 07/02/2021 23:45

[quote Baws]@yearinyearout

Got to love all these posters saying their dad/brothers/cousins never cheat. Like they'd tell you!

My thoughts exactly! 😳😂[/quote]
I know right, a sister or daughter would be the last to know.

Badtasteflump · 07/02/2021 23:49

Never ignore red flags and always trust your instincts OP. I do think having a strong mindset helps attract the right person, not in a mystical way but just that if you are confident in your own worth and expect respect from people, men looking for someone to screw over won't get very far. My advice, for what it's worth, is to think about what you want from a relationship, and never lose focus on that. Write it down if it helps. Then when you meet somebody, if they don't meet your expectations, don't invest any more time in them and accept no excuses. Fill your life with things you love, friends and interests that make you happy. Then the right man can come and find you. God that sounds cheesy but I really believe it 😊

DanceLikeAdamAnt · 07/02/2021 23:56

@Manda2725 i worked on not feeling lonely and being brave enough to take risks. And then when i was honestly just accepting being single forever i realised this good company clever well respected guy at work liked me. He was 6 years younger so i asumed he wouldnt have noticed me. We would still be together if covid hadnt put a lot of distance between us. :-/ He was a decent guy. I dont think he'd have cheated because he always made me believe he didnt want to lose me. I know you never know, but often the guys who dont cheat have no smooth talk. This guy even said to me "ive no game, no patter, this is it" when we were out ages ago, early on. We were laughing. Ie. No ability to charm me. He isnt "charming" but he was authentic and decent.

I may be 50 but im done with internet dating. It is still easier to attract men in real life imo.

Not looking now, but who could!

yvanka · 07/02/2021 23:58

I trust DP as much as I could trust another human being, still not 100% though. I wouldn't ever get married or combine finances for this reason. People surprise you.

Mittens030869 · 08/02/2021 00:01

Baws
@yearinyearout

Got to love all these posters saying their dad/brothers/cousins never cheat. Like they'd tell you!

Point taken. My DM didn't know that my F was sexually abusing my DSis and me right through our childhood. It was a really devastating bombshell when we told her a few years ago when she was in her late 70s. (My F was long dead.) She felt like her whole marriage was a lie (which of course it was).

My DM is a strong woman, but she was also vulnerable, having been orphaned at 10 and then abused by the uncle who became her guardian. She also had no close friends who would look out for her. Looking back, I can see that she was also a victim of EA and coercive control.

So no, I don't know that my BILs and my friends' DHs wouldn't cheat, although I do believe I'm a good judge of character now. We are talking about people we know very well. I hope I'm not wrong.

I am confident about my DH's loyalty, because he's a thoroughly open book and never hides anything.

TableFlowerss · 08/02/2021 00:03

It always used to bother me how many women my DH had slept with. I felt like it could potentially mean that he enjoyed sleeping around so much that he wouldn’t fully settle in to a relationship. I wondered if that would make him more likely to cheat.

His ex GF was also stunning 🤮 (and had a great job 🙈) and that used to play on my mind as she’s clearly more attractive than me. I wondered if that would mean he’d be more likely to cheat as I wasn’t enough looks wise.

Yet strangely enough, I’ve recently told him that I don’t want the same as him in life, so he’s free to go off and meet someone that wants the same as him etc... he cried and said he couldn’t believe I’d throw us away so easily.

So I don’t think he would cheat but I do wonder if I’ve opened up a can of worms that I might live to regret. I was just being honest. He wants to travel, I don’t.

I think the fact he’s slept with so many women is actually what would stop him cheating. He’s been there done that and worn the T-shirt so has no desire to do it again as he’s had his fill.

Ironic that it used to tear me up (I don’t care really these days I’ve got bigger worries)

Anyoneforadogwalk · 08/02/2021 00:04

Married for over twenty years to a man who was so judgemental about men having affairs. Really scathing. Then when I found about about his affair he walked out and I never saw him again. When my daughter asked him to explain himself, he said ‘oh I’ve done far worse than that.’
Now. I’m unlikely to trust again.
He’s vile, so is she. I’m happy finally.

yvanka · 08/02/2021 00:18

I think the fact he’s slept with so many women is actually what would stop him cheating. He’s been there done that and worn the T-shirt so has no desire to do it again as he’s had his fill.

Absolutely. He's been around the block enough to know that his grass is green Smile

itsallpointless · 08/02/2021 00:27

My DSF didn't cheat, nor has (one of) my BIL, I don't think.

My (not so) DF/DB/BIL/DN DH and (my) 2 x ex 'd' p's...

Several friends/acquaintances husbands too. My DN also cheated on her DH.

So overall the percentage weighs heavily on the cheaters.

Nobody can guarantee someone hasn't cheated unless they've not left their side since they've known them.

I don't trust anyone, man/woman/beast, sad but realistic.

homebase123 · 08/02/2021 00:27

As it stands now, I really don't think DP would cheat. Same as TableFlowerss he's "been there, done that" and seems very content with his lot. People change though and I find some men's behaviour absolutely bizarre so can't rule it out. Who knows what could happen if I bruise his ego and a woman at work gives him some attention.

oo0Tinkerbell0oo · 08/02/2021 00:30

Not all men are cheats. Ex of 15 years never was, we just came to the end of the road re our relationship.

TableFlowerss · 08/02/2021 09:15

@yvanka

I think the fact he’s slept with so many women is actually what would stop him cheating. He’s been there done that and worn the T-shirt so has no desire to do it again as he’s had his fill.

Absolutely. He's been around the block enough to know that his grass is green Smile

I hope so ☺️😀