Are there any men who don't cheat....

[Manda2725]

Okay, so I'm feeling a bit down tbh. As per previous thread I just hit rid of my first boyfriend in 10 years who I found out was chatting with women online. My partner prior to this had an affair and left me 7 months pregnant with our second child.
I feel so ready to settle down, get married and do all that stuff but what's the point with all these bloody men and wen who don't give a damn about cheating.
I literally had a message from a guy on my Facebook offering himself on a plate to me (he has a girlfriend)... And tbh it's the last thing I need and just confirms yet again that faithful relationships are hard to come by.
I'm actually giving up and I'm only 40 😔...
I asked the guy why men do this and he said "no man is ever really happy, they are always looking for something better"
That cut my soul deep. Do you guys think there really are decent, faithful men out there who are genuinely happy with what they have.

@Closetbeanmuncher

I hope your future relationships bring you a better class of man OP... 🎀

What I can't get my head around is people (men and women) who go into monogamous relationships knowing they can't keep their bits to themselves.

Why fuck over someone else and ruin their future relationships?? if you're a shagger have a consentual open relationship or stay single.

All it takes is basic impulse control, and the ability to not place yourself in potentially compromising situations. Anyone would think it was fucking rocket science.

Ridiculous.

This is something I dont get.

My ex, as well as being a violent abuser, was a shagger. This was not something I found out about until we were married. So why marry me?!

Knowing him as I do I suspect that he didnt like what he knew was staring back at him from the mirror. He wanted to be the honourable good man and married me to convince himself that he was that man. No coincidence that the violence always happened when his shagging was brought to light, because it made him see the real him, the real him that he hated.

I am sure that he thought if he pretended long enough, he would be the good honourable man he wanted to be.

Ultimately people can be shit people or good people, whether male or female. Having been on the receiving end of cheating and lying and left with two small babies, I will never have another husband or mix my finances with anyone again, or live with someone, even after my children have grown up. It's not fear of someone doing it again, more that I just can't be bothered to even put myself in that position. Plus I love my own space and freedom and peace. What possible point is there to do it again? Most people I know in relationships seem to have been on tje verge of killing their partner during lockdown anyway. 🤣

Why would I risk being hurt again when I have my own life and home and feel happy and secure and my children are happy? The whole idea just seems... unnecessary. And that's if it all worked out, the idea of dating (especially after reading threads here) seems very unpalatable! I have wonderful friends and family and could organise a FWB if I decided to but a romantic thing or relationship? No thanks!!

What makes me feel most sad is reading posts like this where people seem to feel really sad about being single, whereas I think it's fantastic! All the data shows single women are the happiest group in society so I think more of us should embrace it.

Stop blaming women , a couple of posts back you told women to remember men ‘gave them their babies ‘ umm hello do you not realise women also ‘give MEN their babies and it’s women who do the lions share in that scenario by carrying and birthing . Then you go on to blame mums.
NOPE men are responsible for their actions
I know many people men and women raised by horrible parents who choose to behave in the complete OPPOSITE way of how their were raised
STOP blaming women for men’s bad behaviour

Not blaming mums at all. Just pointing out that by having such a blinkered view if you have a son you're effectively telling him you believe he's going to be a lying cheat. Or perhaps its everybody else's son who cheats. I'd like to believe that there are some families out there who have raised sons who have grown up to be decent men, however it doesn't appear to happen on mumsnet.

I think cheaters like the idea of monogamous relationships. Sex is generally available but they can seek something else when they fancy a bit of variety from time to time. I don't think it's a big mystery. It's actually quite simplistic to them

@BigFatLiar

Stop blaming women , a couple of posts back you told women to remember men ‘gave them their babies ‘ umm hello do you not realise women also ‘give MEN their babies and it’s women who do the lions share in that scenario by carrying and birthing . Then you go on to blame mums. NOPE men are responsible for their actions I know many people men and women raised by horrible parents who choose to behave in the complete OPPOSITE way of how their were raised STOP blaming women for men’s bad behaviour

Not blaming mums at all. Just pointing out that by having such a blinkered view if you have a son you're effectively telling him you believe he's going to be a lying cheat. Or perhaps its everybody else's son who cheats. I'd like to believe that there are some families out there who have raised sons who have grown up to be decent men, however it doesn't appear to happen on mumsnet.

What a load of rubbish . Plenty of people on mumsnet have raised wonderful sons and daughters ! Seeing as you were quick to tell women children are products of how they raise them . I guess you think that when men grown up to be cheats it’s just their mothers that made them that way huh . Dads had nothing to do with it lol You were absolutely attempting to blame mums . Mothers are no more responsible for a male growing up to be a cheat than a father is

Sex is generally available but they can seek something else when they fancy a bit of variety from time to time

This would also be avaliable in a consentual open relationship so why would they not do that?

Pure and simple fragile ego/miysogyny. Wanting their partner to be some untouched 'madonna' where they stick it wherever they fancy.

Vile.

Plenty of people on mumsnet have raised wonderful sons and daughters !

We don't have sons only daughters and they're lovely. Their husbands are, I believe good men. I'm sure many on mumsnet have wonderful sons and daughters. There is a basic contradiction between the ideas of 'I have a wonderful son' and 'all men cheat'. If you hold the idea that all men cheat then you must believe that your son is going to cheat on his partner.

I'd rather believe that cheating does happen but if you've raised your son/daughter to be a decent person they won't. We can all make mistakes and let others down but to have such a blatantly negative view from the outset seems so bad.

@BigFatLiar

Plenty of people on mumsnet have raised wonderful sons and daughters !

We don't have sons only daughters and they're lovely. Their husbands are, I believe good men. I'm sure many on mumsnet have wonderful sons and daughters. There is a basic contradiction between the ideas of 'I have a wonderful son' and 'all men cheat'. If you hold the idea that all men cheat then you must believe that your son is going to cheat on his partner.

I'd rather believe that cheating does happen but if you've raised your son/daughter to be a decent person they won't. We can all make mistakes and let others down but to have such a blatantly negative view from the outset seems so bad.

Many people believe MOST men cheat and that seems to be the dominant view here . One can certainly believe MOST men will cheat given the opportunity and simultaneously be raising their son not to be one of those men. Sometimes NO matter how well you raise your children they will do as they please . That’s something every parent of adult children knows ! What I took objection to was your judgmental tone with mothers and telling women how men ‘gave them their babies ‘ and they are the ones raising these boys to behave this way . As if women are responsible for the doings of men and all we live for is the ‘gift ‘ of impregnation

I think a lot of men will cheat given the opportunity. I suppose a lot of women must too. Or at least be willing to be affair partners. No idea why though. I find it very unappealing to be hit on by someone else's partner! I think you must have a very low opinion of yourself to reconcile that level of disrespect.

I have also known a lot of 'decent family men' who are very vocal about what they think of men who cheat whilst doing it themselves... 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think it’s because in theory they really do hate the idea of people cheating and they want to be a great family man. It’s just when push comes to shove they stop thinking and let the excitement of it all take over and make excuses to themselves about why what they’re doing isn’t “really cheating” or “really an affair” or was just a mistake etc. My dh cheated for over 4 months but because they mostly weren’t having full penetrative sex (hard to at work I guess!) he’d told himself it was just messing about not an affair. (He knows he was lying to himself). Few people want to think they’re an arsehole.

I am just going to ignore all the horrible, biased and hurtful comments that I have had to read...

To answer your question there are plenty of good men out there who do not cheat and are loyal to their partners. I have never cheated (whether physically or emotionally) on a woman for example and I would never do that (most of my male friends are the same)!

What your guy friend told you re men never being happy, is a horrible lie! It is just a thing some people do to justify their actions…another being “humans are not meant to be monogamous”.

There are indeed a lot of hurtful comments on this thread. There are a lot of hurt people expressing their pain. That's no coincidence. It's easy to be bitter.

There are some men who are weak in character, some who make a terrifically bad choice at a "vulnerable" time and some who are utter rats and conscienceless hypocrites.

Not all men are like this.

Are there any men who don't cheat? Yes.

A lot of women that have been cheated on by the majority, if not all of their partners, will have a different view of infidelity. It’s hard for a woman to see things from a different perspective, if that’s all she’s known.
I have apart from a relationship I had when I was 17.

I should add, when I said I have apart from a relationship I had when I was 17, I meant I have been cheated on by all in my relationships, apart from the guy i was with when I was 17.

I think my DH has been faithful. In saying that I'm sure people will say I'm naive. But in his own autistic way I think he actually adores me. We make each other laugh and love doing the same active stuff and yeah.
That's it really.
Where I live the cheats seem to be concentrated in a certain workplace - they're basically in the Navy and break ups due to infidelity seem to be a fact of life. Could it be that people who know a lot of cheats have this sort of employment pattern?

Heartbroken James how do you know some men do not cheat. Seriously if they don’t perhaps they have no opportunity. Fat, ugly, broke, pervs ...whatever is not what woman at the time want.

The more opportunities men have the more likely they are going to fall into the trap of temptation.

Example... men who have jobs in the day visiting woman’s homes ...fixing your broadband, window fitters, kitchen fitters......they take coming onto woman as one man said to me ‘perks of the job’. I think ALL the ones who chatted me up were married or living with someone.

Don’t think it’s rich charming men only. The man who loads trays as the dump who was very cute and living with his girlfriend told me he noticed me many times because of a certain ‘feature’. They are all covertly looking for some XTRA curricular activities that will never get found out.

Why do you think travelling salesman have such a reputation. Playing off territory is an opportunity to have a wife and also be single for a few days ..best of both.

The good men are the ones who don’t get found out, But really those are probably the worst ones....?

I trusted my ex H 100%. He had strong morals and values. He is an ex as he had an affair.

Cofeeandcocpops sorry to hear that.

Example... men who have jobs in the day visiting woman’s homes ...fixing your broadband, window fitters, kitchen fitters......they take coming onto woman as one man said to me ‘perks of the job’. I think ALL the ones who chatted me up were married or living with someone

This just reminded me of a Hotpoint engineer who came to repair my washing machine and said with a smirk & directly looking at me

"9 times out of 10 it's women's sexy knickers stuck in the machine somewhere, you wouldn't believe how many I've found".

I still don't think all men cheat. But I think most would, especially if zero chance of getting caught. & Some have done their cheating and settle down when all that's behind them (they can longer be bothered).

Monogamy isn't a standard natural human trait.

Actually how many women can say they haven't been hit on by a married man?

Bet all the wives of kitchen fitters etc are giving their partners the side eye now. The guy who did my kitchen obviously thought he was God's gift and looked put out when I was unresponsive to his charms. He ended up being quite surly. I did think then he was used to having flings, he was quite smooth before he turned sour.

Well I'm sure not all men cheat but I think the percentage that do is probably very high. A long term boyfriend cheated on me and my dad who is genuinely devoted to my mum had a weird internet affair when I was a child. I've also known many women who have had it happen to them. It really scares and upsets me.

My partner is probably the best person I've ever known and I know he's totally in love with me so I can't imagine him ever cheating but then I've seen so many women on here shocked to their core because their "lovely" husbands have cheated. I sometimes find myself looking at my partner thinking when is it going to happen? When are you going to betray me? Because it almost seems inevitable. It's not just the obvious bad guys who cheat so I wish I knew the answer to 'what makes an otherwise good man cheat?' It's very sad.

I’m 50 and have never cheated on my wife or any girlfriend before her.
Not even a kiss.
I have however had two gitt egg lfriends cheat on me, one I later found out slept with about 15 blokes in three years.

I've run a house for 30 years, including 2 full renovation projects and numerous tradesmen. I've never had never had anything even vaguely resembling an approach, are you sure you haven't been watching too many dodgy films @mumieone ?

@Toorapid

Well, if you think an affair is worse than all the other kinds of cheating and lying people do, yes.

My simple point is that perfectly good people have affairs, it doesn't make them all round evil.

It doesn’t make them evil of course not. It does make them untrustworthy though. It’s not a trait anyone would want I’m a partner

in a