Are there any men who don't cheat....

[Manda2725]

Okay, so I'm feeling a bit down tbh. As per previous thread I just hit rid of my first boyfriend in 10 years who I found out was chatting with women online. My partner prior to this had an affair and left me 7 months pregnant with our second child.
I feel so ready to settle down, get married and do all that stuff but what's the point with all these bloody men and wen who don't give a damn about cheating.
I literally had a message from a guy on my Facebook offering himself on a plate to me (he has a girlfriend)... And tbh it's the last thing I need and just confirms yet again that faithful relationships are hard to come by.
I'm actually giving up and I'm only 40 😔...
I asked the guy why men do this and he said "no man is ever really happy, they are always looking for something better"
That cut my soul deep. Do you guys think there really are decent, faithful men out there who are genuinely happy with what they have.

Between about a half and two thirds of the men I know have cheated and obviously that’s just what I know about. For some of them it’s flirty texts to coworkers, others it’s sex.

There are so many unfaithful men.

I worked in a job with a lot of men, not many women. Most of the blokes had lovely wives and families at home.
Most of them did or would seem up for flirting and having casual sex / affairs if the opportunity arose. I'm sure many of their wives would never have believed it of them.
One man in particular I remember was heavily flirting with a junior assistant and it was pretty obvious they were hooking up. When my DC1 started reception, he turned out to be a classmate's dad and I have to see his wife pretty frequently.

I would love to believe that some men are devoted enough not to cheat, but I think most men would if they thought they could get away with it. My dh cheated and I never in a million years thought he would. I don’t trust a soul now.

Yes some don't cheat but yes at least as many that don't do.

I was with my partner for 12 years. We had kids and I didnt cheat and wouldnt as it wouldnt be fair on her or the kids. I also thought morally it would be completely f%cked up to do so.

She asked me to leave and was having an affair as it transpired.

I lost faith that day and OLD has componded it.

[quote Manda2725]@TheViewFromDownHere every man I've met shorter than me has made me self conscious lol.... Dont wear high heels etc etc.[/quote]
That's my point though.

Which is worse - Stepping out of your comfort zone. Which I'm sure you'll soon get used to once you see what we have to offer...

Or being with a tall, "protective" feckless/lazy/cheating arse?!

We're normal people - we're not aliens.

I get the heels/self-conscious thing, but heck, maybe if a few people gave us a chance - it would break the mould so it wouldn't "look odd".

Start a revolution! SLM - Short Lives Matter! :)

I'm nearly 40 and really dont know any men who would. I know one younger guy who plays around a lot but he's single. Maybe I'm naive. I'm sorry that so many seem to have been cheated on.

Remember MN is a very skewed cross section of women

In what way? Where are the women from MN sourced from that makes their collective response unreliable?

I'm single and I don't care but I'm 50 and I was 'sad' (ish) about the fruitless search online before I gave up at about 48. I look good, yoga, sane, decent, solvent, secure. I wasn't ruling out short men, men with DC, I was being really open to meeting a person I could gel with. But it just didn't happen.

I do agree that most men, even if they're lucky to have you, they will still have an eye out elsewhere.

But< I think if you have zero tolerance for that and the man knows that, he will not cheat. My last bf knew he was lucky to have me and he also knew I'd end it if it wasn't working for me. I did end it. Not because he had a roving eye. But I do believe he wouldn't have cheated on me.

Married 35 years here and Dh hasn't cheated, He came home from work a little freaked out a couple of times many years ago when propositioned by women. He was very uncomfortable and would run a mile.
I was only cheated on once with boyfriends, and it was an immediate dumping offene, no talking, no excuses, just get lost and slammed the front door in his face.
I think men can sense when someone has wobbly boundaries and take advantage.

@Happymum12345

I would love to believe that some men are devoted enough not to cheat, but I think most men would if they thought they could get away with it. My dh cheated and I never in a million years thought he would. I don’t trust a soul now.

What happened? was it a once off opportunity he was to weak to turn down or an affair?

I think a very high percentage of men would go for the opportunity if they really believed nobody would ever know. So it's the repercussions of their getting caught that prevents them, not the fact that it's wrong

What I’ve found is when men get to about mid 40’s they often cheat. Lovely guys who watch their kids play football every week, are always really nice to their wives, they seem genuinely decent family men and then bang , they get up to something. Always with a much younger woman and often like a younger version of their wife. I’ve seen it so many times and there must be so many that are never caught or do things like webcams.

@TheViewFromDownHere I agree that in theory it seems like an untapped market

I'm only 5'1'' so it should have been easy to find a man who was short but still taller than I am. But it did not work out like that at all. I wonder if maybe short men don't like short women??? They want the status of a taller woman? Whereas tall men used to send me messages and I used to think sigh, 6'2'' is just too tall for me
I went on dates with men who were really tall but I felt that it was hanging in the air, an incompatibility.

I went on a great date (I thought) with a man who was 5'7 but he then told me ''actually although i was available on tuesday i'm not available now''.

God the peace, contentment and equilibrium that has finally washed over me since I stopped looking for something that doesn't exist. I recommend it.

@Biscoffaddict and @CherryRoulade.
That's good to know. I'm yet to find any. I seem surrounded by unfaithful men. I'll keep hoping there's one for me one day 😊🤞🙏

@HadEnoughOfGoingForWalks

What I’ve found is when men get to about mid 40’s they often cheat. Lovely guys who watch their kids play football every week, are always really nice to their wives, they seem genuinely decent family men and then bang , they get up to something. Always with a much younger woman and often like a younger version of their wife. I’ve seen it so many times and there must be so many that are never caught or do things like webcams.

Yeh, it's like they realise that their dating capital is higher.

And yeh, a 45 year old man is going to have better luck on line than a 45 year old mother. And these oh so decent men feel like they've done some hard yards with their family and now they deserve to be flattered.
They don't see it as unfair that there's no way for a 40 something mother to get the same flattery and freedom

I think most people are decent but aren't totally infallible either. I don't think DP would ever have an affair but if a gorgeous woman threw herself at him when he was drunk on a night we'd had a fight and he snogged her I'd be disappointed but not gobsmacked. Tbh I can't say for sure I wouldn't if the boot were on the other foot. Actual affairs/double lives I find much harder to understand.

[quote Manda2725]**@Biscoffaddict* and @CherryRoulade*.
That's good to know. I'm yet to find any. I seem surrounded by unfaithful men. I'll keep hoping there's one for me one day 😊🤞🙏[/quote]
Next time you meet a man if he asks why your last relationship broke up, say he kissed somebody else and that was it for me.

Put him on notice. Make it clear that it's a boundary that no date can cross.

I agree with the poster who said men will sense if you have a weak boundary there. If you are the type of woman who doesn't walk away the first moment her bf crosses a line flirting, then he will go as far as he can. From his pov he thinks ''why wouldn't i?''

I was with my ex for over a decade. Never in a million gazillion years would I have said he'd cheat. He didn't cheat on me (or so he says - not that it matters now anyway). We separated for other reasons, but we kept in touch and remain friends. At the beginning of the first lockdown, he called me to say he'd cheated on his GF with THREE different women and that she'd found out and was going to call me to talk about it (I've never met the woman. She didn't call me in the end).
I think the reason he never cheated on me is because he simply didn't have the opportunity. But then he moved to a different city, upgraded to a Smartphone and discovered Tinder or online dating. I don't know. Honestly, never in a million years would I have ever imagined it possible.
It really upset me. Not that it had anything to do with me, but the idea that the one man I never thought capable of cheating wound up with four women on the go. It leaves me with little hope for the rest of them to be honest.

But there will be plenty of men out there who would never cheat. I'm sure of it. Don't give up hope!!! :-)

@happinessischocolate

If you've had that many and continue to get them, I'd set up a public Facebook page where you publish and tag their messages to you. That should get around quite quickly and I think you'll get a lot fewer messages like that!!

Why the hell would I do that?? That would just be humiliating for their partners, it's not just me they're messaging is it, there's nothing special about me, the same men would message my other single mum friends too, we'd just block them and avoid like the plague. Men who do this don't stop wanting to shag around just because they've been 'outed'

Its actually happening...called facebook name and shame groups to pre warn the population of imbeciles, cheats, players, the whole canoodle. At the end if the day they know full well what they are doing and deserve to be shamed. And for their families to be told.

Yeah, you can never tell really.

I don't imagine DH has been unfaithful as he's not had all that many opportunities to be - certainly not an extended affair. Honestly, if he's had any one night stands, I don't know and don't especially care, as it couldn't have been many.

I don't believe all men cheat by a longshot - a few friends' relationships have broken up, but only one I know of due to the bloke being unfaithful.

Manda2725 I think I’d drop any cheating friends/acquaintances pretty quickly. I think there are few worse things. If it’s over, people should have the courage and honesty to say so. Men or women.

[quote DanceLikeAdamAnt]@TheViewFromDownHere I agree that in theory it seems like an untapped market

I'm only 5'1'' so it should have been easy to find a man who was short but still taller than I am. But it did not work out like that at all. I wonder if maybe short men don't like short women??? They want the status of a taller woman? Whereas tall men used to send me messages and I used to think sigh, 6'2'' is just too tall for me
I went on dates with men who were really tall but I felt that it was hanging in the air, an incompatibility.

I went on a great date (I thought) with a man who was 5'7 but he then told me ''actually although i was available on tuesday i'm not available now''.

God the peace, contentment and equilibrium that has finally washed over me since I stopped looking for something that doesn't exist. I recommend it.[/quote]
I can't speak for others, but I'm not put off by a short woman.

It's just that, most of the time, even the short women still go for the taller men. :(

Oh I stopped looking and gave up a loooong time ago - As you say, it's liberating!

Hence I have far too much time on my hands and lurk here reading threads where people have been wronged by their, presumably taller than me, stbx! :)

Oh FFS...

Sorry, no there aren't. Exactly the same way there aren't any women who aren't hypergamous and who don't secretly want a "chad" as they all claim on those bloody Red Pill sites.

FFS

@HadEnoughOfGoingForWalks

What I’ve found is when men get to about mid 40’s they often cheat. Lovely guys who watch their kids play football every week, are always really nice to their wives, they seem genuinely decent family men and then bang , they get up to something. Always with a much younger woman and often like a younger version of their wife. I’ve seen it so many times and there must be so many that are never caught or do things like webcams.

This. And it’s always the ones who you would never suspect being the cheats.

The slightly sleazy-wouldn’t-trust-them-if-that-was-my-DH ones haven’t been the ones caught out in my experience
Don’t know if that’s because their wives keep closer tabs on them, or they get it out of their systems with mild flirting.
Or maybe they are just so good at cheating that they don’t get caught

It’s the devoted-family-man-with-a-perfect-wife types that get caught out and bring down hell on their families

Get your self confidence up. People who know that they are amazing and deserve the best a) pick healthy partners and b) are able to walk away more unscathed if things go wrong.

There are faithful people out there. Who knows, your future Mr Faithful's wife might be cheating on him this very second.

Whether you meet him or not will matter less if you are happy and fulfilled in your own life, before you try to meet him.

Personally most people can be tempted one way or another, yes there will be some that would not, but I suspect given the right temptation, there are many that would give in,