Are there any men who don't cheat....

[Manda2725]

Okay, so I'm feeling a bit down tbh. As per previous thread I just hit rid of my first boyfriend in 10 years who I found out was chatting with women online. My partner prior to this had an affair and left me 7 months pregnant with our second child.
I feel so ready to settle down, get married and do all that stuff but what's the point with all these bloody men and wen who don't give a damn about cheating.
I literally had a message from a guy on my Facebook offering himself on a plate to me (he has a girlfriend)... And tbh it's the last thing I need and just confirms yet again that faithful relationships are hard to come by.
I'm actually giving up and I'm only 40 😔...
I asked the guy why men do this and he said "no man is ever really happy, they are always looking for something better"
That cut my soul deep. Do you guys think there really are decent, faithful men out there who are genuinely happy with what they have.

@homebase123

As it stands now, I really don't think DP would cheat. Same as TableFlowerss he's "been there, done that" and seems very content with his lot. People change though and I find some men's behaviour absolutely bizarre so can't rule it out. Who knows what could happen if I bruise his ego and a woman at work gives him some attention.

This sums up my thoughts too.

Yes of course there are men who don't cheat. I think no one could 100% say that their partner wouldn't cheat but they can be fairly sure. I think reading a lot of posts here it's easy to see why people would think that all men could cheat but remember a lot of posts particularly in relationships are about cheating.

this could be said of women too.

The previous relationship I was in for nearly 5 years and lived together for 4 of them, when it ended she just upped and left without a valid reason at the time, she had just finished teacher training and i was positive she was upto something with a male teacher on the course but never found out the truth.

Fast forward to now, with wife 16 years. married for 12, 2 kids, about 6 years ago i noticed her ipad flash up some twitter messages from a guy talking about meeting up and he wasnt sure why she had deleted him from FB, when i questioned wtf this was, she said nothings happened and she hadnt replied to him (the fact hes said they were chatting on FB and then it was all deleted tells me something WAS happening or being arranged) I worked through this although i havent forgotten what was going on. makes it hard to have 100% trust now.

I've never cheated.

I have one very close male friend who I know would never cheat on anyone. Every other man in my experience is up for debate though. My husband was definitely one of those men who would NEVER cheat, but then a porn/webcam addiction was uncovered and women not far behind. Most men I have been in partnerships with have had emotional affairs at the very least. Since divorce I too have been propositioned by a few of my local 'happily married' family men. My grandfathers both had 'indescretions', my married brother got way too close to a female colleague, most men I work with seem to have a fair few not so secret secrets. I honestly have very little faith, less so as I age.

Yeah.

I would never say never but I think it’s very unlikely my DH would. Otherwise I wouldn’t have married him. Impossible. No. Unlikely - yes.

If every man is cheating doesn’t this mean that a large percentage of women are cheating?

@Fairyliz

If every man is cheating doesn’t this mean that a large percentage of women are cheating?

Exactly. My DH says he’d be heartbroken if I cheated. I think the fact he’d feel like that towards me would stop him doing it himself. It’s an empathy thing.

I would have bet my life and the kids lives on DH never cheating. He was my best friend, someone I looked up to and admired for his morals.

Rewind to this time last year and I found out he was having an emotional affair with a girl at work. He's in his late 40s, has always been scathing of cheaters, clever, successful and good looking for his age. They started emailing being friendly at work, then got the train home and started texting. I found out the day he first took her to lunch, he was supposed to take her out for dinner a few days later which obviously didn't happen.

I have friends who were gobsmaked. Said out of all the husbands in our friendship group he'd be the least likely to cheat. You just never bloody know.

The counsellor said 60% of men cheat! I was shocked that it was that many. Lots in their late 40s too apparently.

@anyoneforadogwalk
My ex was like that (my childrens father). I didn't suspect a thing, then all of a sudden he was gone. Very difficult to trust when you put your faith in someone and they crap all over it. I guess the answer to my question is its possible for some humans not to cheat but the majority do..
Not sure I can be bothered with the stress anymore.
Will take someone very very special for me to date now I think. Too much hassle

@mephistophelesapprentice
❤️🙏

To the very best of my knowledge DH never has. I wouldn't expect him to. But neither would I ever rule it out. Humans can do some awful things to one another. I considered having an affair, just before corona hit. I almost did. I bet DH thinks I never, ever would. I always thought I never, ever would. That I came so close only highlighted for me that there is no such thing as never.

I was 100% in the wrong and would have deserved no sympathy had I gone ahead. I want to make that clear. There were lots of reasons things had got to that stage and my pain was and is real but is still no excuse and wouldn't have been any sort of justification. But it does mean I understand far better now how "I would never do that" can become "I am doing that".

@twinkie01
Emotional affairs are even worse......
Such a kick in the teeth. Sorry you went through that.
I thought maybe if I went for a older person they'd be less inclined to cheat but I've found that untrue too, like you said.
My childrens father is on his 5th relationship in 9 years so I'm guessing he's just never happy with what he's got.

I've only had 1 recently and yet again I picked the big fat liar 😂😂.

Oh well... It is what it is I guess x

@unmarkedbythat
Out of Interest what stopped you just being honest with you partner that you weren't happy rather than considering the affair?
My last ex had lots of opportunities to with me but said he didn't want to lose me and didn't want be to view him in that light, but I dont get that.
If he didn't want to lose me... Dont do it. I just don't think I'm wired that way. I'm too honest sometimes to a fault xx

Marking a place im coming back to read and comment x

Out of Interest what stopped you just being honest with you partner that you weren't happy rather than considering the affair?

Nothing. I had been honest with him. I had begged, screamed, written to him, emailed him, tried to get him to come to counselling, so many things. I wanted, being blunt, to fuck someone else for two reasons: to force an end to the absolute misery our marriage had become because surely he would leave if I did, and to hurt him as much as I could because god, he was hurting me.

Still would have been wrong though.

@MephistophelesApprentice

I've never cheated.

Most refreshing post and username .

@manda2725 don't let the actions of others turn you cynical, otherwise you might inadvertently walk past an opportunity that might have been good for you.

I think opportunity and desirability are the two biggest reasons people cheat or don't cheat to be honest rather than some moral code.

@unmarkedbythat
Ah OK... So you were completely honest to no avail, that must have been awful. That's totally opposite to the issues with men I seem to attract. They don't be honest with me at all and do everything behind my back. I'll never understand it as I've always made it perfectly clear that if they don't want me anymore just say and it's over or if there's an issue we can talk about it etc. Everyone said "of course, I agree" then did the total opposite. 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️.
@epochtime
I will try... I'm trying to be as opened minded and keep my heart open as possible but I'm a sensitive old soul. Only so much I can take I think. I hope I have a gd experience one day.

@coronaway
I agree.... My childrens father had it laid on a plate, left me and his kids for a girl he didn't spend longer than a year with. It was all about his massaged ego and the availability of it, I'm sure there must be times he regrets his decision but who knows.

I’ve never had a proper relationship and not had the man cheat. My exh was always obviously a serial cheat (don’t ask why I married him!!) but I think that’s the minority of men.

However I think with the majority (not all) there’s always the possibly of a “combination of circumstances” affair - bad patch in life, opportunity, bit of a physical attraction, ego boost = affair.

I would have bet everything that my dh wasn’t the cheating type - never had before in a relationship, spends all his time with our family, not a “lad” type, not many friends etc - but he still did when life was a bit stressful and a much younger woman was obviously interested at work.

I think men are more likely to have physical flings without thinking of the consequences than women unfortunately.

@Twinkie01 did the counsellor expand with the rationale behind that stat?

@DisneyMillie did you forgive him? Or atleast continue the relationship?

I can’t imagine ever leaving my husband, but also can’t imagine being to move past it if he cheated. But I’d like to think I could.

Lots of women here are adamant their father , brother, uncle , next door neighbour etc is lovely and 100% would not cheat.
Have you ever been on a work employee only overnight works do , or a conference ?

@TreacleHart

Lots of women here are adamant their father , brother, uncle , next door neighbour etc is lovely and 100% would not cheat. Have you ever been on a work employee only overnight works do , or a conference ?

Exactly this. I’ve been hit on by so many colleagues who were family men and saw numerous workplace affairs. At least 5 of my good friends have had one (or more) relationships with married men when we were all single and in our 20s.