Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Are there any men who don't cheat....

291 replies

Manda2725 · 07/02/2021 17:42

Okay, so I'm feeling a bit down tbh. As per previous thread I just hit rid of my first boyfriend in 10 years who I found out was chatting with women online. My partner prior to this had an affair and left me 7 months pregnant with our second child.
I feel so ready to settle down, get married and do all that stuff but what's the point with all these bloody men and wen who don't give a damn about cheating.
I literally had a message from a guy on my Facebook offering himself on a plate to me (he has a girlfriend)... And tbh it's the last thing I need and just confirms yet again that faithful relationships are hard to come by.
I'm actually giving up and I'm only 40 😔...
I asked the guy why men do this and he said "no man is ever really happy, they are always looking for something better"
That cut my soul deep. Do you guys think there really are decent, faithful men out there who are genuinely happy with what they have.

OP posts:
HighSpecWhistle · 07/02/2021 19:26

I guess it's a mixture of bad luck and choosing the wrong kind of guy.

My partner of 14 years hasn't cheated. We met when 19 and he's a one woman type of guy. He isn't into flashy things, he isn't particularly overly sexual, he's modest and hardworking. He's reliable and down to earth.

He isn't on social media. Doesn't have loads of mates. Foregoes the pub for family time.

It's very possible he could cheat in the future as anyone can, but his type of personality is less likely too I think.

I don't know... I'm sorry you've been messed around so much, I hope your next partner is the one x

EarthSight · 07/02/2021 19:26

Dear Lord....the typos!

EarthSight · 07/02/2021 19:29

@HighSpecWhistle

I guess it's a mixture of bad luck and choosing the wrong kind of guy.

My partner of 14 years hasn't cheated. We met when 19 and he's a one woman type of guy. He isn't into flashy things, he isn't particularly overly sexual, he's modest and hardworking. He's reliable and down to earth.

He isn't on social media. Doesn't have loads of mates. Foregoes the pub for family time.

It's very possible he could cheat in the future as anyone can, but his type of personality is less likely too I think.

I don't know... I'm sorry you've been messed around so much, I hope your next partner is the one x

@HighSpecWhistle Nothing is certain (and sometimes these men can surprise you too) but I think this is a good profile of the type of man to aim for.
Original poster
Manda2725 · 07/02/2021 19:31

I guess there must be some men with morales out there... I just get the bad ones. I honest don't know why, I got to know my last boyfriend for 6 months before introducing him to my kids. It was only when he was in my house alot I noticed the dodgy phone behaviour and got suspicious, so it's a hard one.
I definitely have major trust issues now which means I'd probably be a terrible girlfriend anyway.

Paranoia isn't pretty.... Think I better spend a bit of time working on myself.... Again lol. Did it for ten years, and straight back to square one.
I avoid all dating apps... Its like a competition. One that I definitely don't want to be in.
I'm going to end up a mad cat lady 😂😂😂

OP posts:
dchange · 07/02/2021 19:32

I dont believe all men cheat. However, we need to look at this differently as who are they cheating with? They are not sleeping with themselves and it's not like the people they are sleeping with don't know they have a girlfriend or wife.

If the guy trusts and really respects you, and you have a core foundation in friendship it's rare.

All in all women should also stop sleeping with married/engaged men

EarthSight · 07/02/2021 19:32

@happinessischocolate

I've been single for 10 years and the propositions I've had through fb from dads from school is staggering.

So many men seem to think that if you're single you must be up for it, one even offered on the basis of a free service as I obviously needed it 😲

Having said that, 2 female friends were the ones who had affairs and left their husbands so I've seen it from the other side to.

No advice, as I've been single for 10 years and can't even be arsed with tinder.

@happinessischocolate

If you've had that many and continue to get them, I'd set up a public Facebook page where you publish and tag their messages to you. That should get around quite quickly and I think you'll get a lot fewer messages like that!!

borntohula · 07/02/2021 19:33

Hopefully my boyfriend. I'll never trust anyone 100% though.

TheViewFromDownHere · 07/02/2021 19:34

Give a short bloke a chance!

Seriously!

Nobody wants us, so we couldn't cheat even if we wanted to!

BigFatLiar · 07/02/2021 19:37

They are not sleeping with themselves and it's not like the people they are sleeping with don't know they have a girlfriend or wife.

Indeed.

Men are just people, so are women, One is as likely to cheat as the other. Its just MN is the place for women having issues so you see it very one sided.

GameSetMatch · 07/02/2021 19:43

I think lots of men do or would cheat but there are some good guys out there, my husband cheated and I think if pushed he would again but my first ever love at 17 the guy was so lovely, dropped all his mates when they went to a strip club etc he would of never cheated.

GameSetMatch · 07/02/2021 19:45

@TheViewFromDownHere don’t put yourself down as a last choice! my husband is short he’s the same height as me 5’7. I met a lovely guy in a club once but he said how I was too tall for him 🙄

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 07/02/2021 19:51

@StillWeRise

ditto porn No, not all men use porn. My DF and DP definitely didn't/don't.
I honestly have no words that you discussed, in detail, your dad's masturbation habits with him 😲

OP, I've never been in a relationship where the other party didn't cheat. Equally, I've cheated in all but one of my LTRs. Most humans aren't naturally monogamous - I'm certainly not, and I've been upfront about that for the last 10 years.

There is no "type" - aside from breathing and having a pulse. Go in with the expectation of them being sexually faithful, and you're probably on a losing bet. Emotionally faithful, that's a lot more realistic.

skybright59 · 07/02/2021 19:52

Tell me where the decent fellas are as I'd like to know

forrasee · 07/02/2021 19:52

affairs will keep happening as long as grim women keep agreeing to them. Scumbags all round

Women are not responsible for the behaviour of men.

If men who really wanted to cheat got turned down, they'd go to escorts. For men who have a 'circumstance affair' it's not the sex that's the issues

TheViewFromDownHere · 07/02/2021 20:03

[quote GameSetMatch]@TheViewFromDownHere don’t put yourself down as a last choice! my husband is short he’s the same height as me 5’7. I met a lovely guy in a club once but he said how I was too tall for him 🙄[/quote]
No - I mean short short - I'm 5'01!

30 years of trying - Not even so much as a hug or a kiss!

"Sorry, I want someone taller"

It really is an untapped market - So much potential being overlooked, literally!

Mittens030869 · 07/02/2021 20:09

I have complete confidence in my DH. Really because he's an open book, and never tries to hide anything from me, except when he quite obviously is buying a present for me. Grin

My BILs and husbands of my friends all appear to be very decent men as well.

Admittedly, of course, people aren't always what they seem. However, I would be absolutely shocked if it ever came out that one of them had cheated.

SlopesOff · 07/02/2021 20:12

I haven't met a man that hasn't or wouldn't.

I have met many men that have wives or partners that have no idea that their husband or partner does and would say that they know he would never cheat.

I hope that somewhere there are men that don't or wouldn't cheat and that are also OK in other ways.

BigFatLiar · 07/02/2021 20:23

@skybright59

Tell me where the decent fellas are as I'd like to know
Probably at home with their wives and families.
Original poster
Manda2725 · 07/02/2021 20:30

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation I'd rather be alone forever than with a man who sleeps with everyone else in all honesty, and I probably will be

OP posts:
Original poster
Manda2725 · 07/02/2021 20:32

@TheViewFromDownHere every man I've met shorter than me has made me self conscious lol.... Dont wear high heels etc etc.

OP posts:
Devlesko · 07/02/2021 20:34

Mine doesn't.
I'm 99.9999999 % sure he wouldn't because infidelity has never been an issue to either of us, but neither of us ever have.
After 30 years and in our 50's the inclination isn't there.

Biscoffaddict · 07/02/2021 20:35

Of course they don’t! My dad doesn’t, my brother doesn’t, my Uncles don’t, and my Grandad most certainly didn’t!

happinessischocolate · 07/02/2021 20:39

If you've had that many and continue to get them, I'd set up a public Facebook page where you publish and tag their messages to you. That should get around quite quickly and I think you'll get a lot fewer messages like that!!

Why the hell would I do that?? That would just be humiliating for their partners, it's not just me they're messaging is it, there's nothing special about me, the same men would message my other single mum friends too, we'd just block them and avoid like the plague. Men who do this don't stop wanting to shag around just because they've been 'outed'

CherryRoulade · 07/02/2021 20:42

I know very few men who, or who would. And no, I’m not naive.

JoannaDory · 07/02/2021 21:01

Not in my experience.