Are there any men who don't cheat....

[Manda2725]

Okay, so I'm feeling a bit down tbh. As per previous thread I just hit rid of my first boyfriend in 10 years who I found out was chatting with women online. My partner prior to this had an affair and left me 7 months pregnant with our second child.
I feel so ready to settle down, get married and do all that stuff but what's the point with all these bloody men and wen who don't give a damn about cheating.
I literally had a message from a guy on my Facebook offering himself on a plate to me (he has a girlfriend)... And tbh it's the last thing I need and just confirms yet again that faithful relationships are hard to come by.
I'm actually giving up and I'm only 40 😔...
I asked the guy why men do this and he said "no man is ever really happy, they are always looking for something better"
That cut my soul deep. Do you guys think there really are decent, faithful men out there who are genuinely happy with what they have.

@treaclehart
I agree.... I worked on the railway with men for years and every do I'd have one of them try and put it on me. It's quite sad because I was only 21 when I started abs the wives were all mean and rude to me, I guess out of insecurity because of the way thier partners behaved. But I'd never in a million years steal another woman's partner or husband so they had nothing to worry about with me.
Unlike some women who I guess have no consideration for the wife/girlfriend.
If only everyone could be honest and open about feelings... Life would be so much easier. X

I guess the excitement for some is a factor too.... I have too much of a conscience for that

Dinohat she didn't. It felt like she was saying we should sort of expect it. I bloody didn't.

I would say that I’m 98 percent certain my hushed wouldn’t cheat but he’s a man and a human being so of course he could cheat .
But He left his first partner / mother of two kids without cheating on her and lived on his own till we met so I think that’s a good indicator that he wouldn’t cheat

We met and married within 3 months and been married for 21 years now

We still have a good regular sex life 😂 and we are always a couple that kiss and touch each other a lot
We don’t have any kids together but the Kids are all grown up only mine who is 26 still lived at home but rarely around .
He’s has no social media - no Facebook Instagram and stuff like that he’s just not bothered about that stuff . You tube is about his limit 😂
I can use his phone and iPad whenever I want to
I have free access to his bank account and credit cards and always have done .
He also doesn’t go out a lot with other men or groups of friends to the pub preferring to be at home .
He doesn’t go to the gym or sports clubs preferring to train & work out on own
He has his own business so mainly works on his own or with me most of the time
He’s reliable trust worthy honest and his good friends are people that he’s known for many many years and they are similar people

I would be very very surprised if he cheated but I know that he could because he’s human

DisneyMillie exactly the same as my H.

It's so fucking hard. He's a changed person now. Chattier, happier with his lot. Apologies saying he now realises what we had and how amazing it was. Not that fucking amazing that you couldn't be flattered by someone half your age and start lying to your wife eh!

What do these young flirty girls expect? Yes my life is v comfortable because we've built it together but half of comfortable isn't nearly as nice and having 3 kids rock up every other weekend and half the school holidays wouldn't be much fun for a twenty something.

Not all men are cheats but by that token the ones who are faithful are more likely to be and stay taken.

@Twinkie01

Dinohat she didn't. It felt like she was saying we should sort of expect it. I bloody didn't.

Least helpful comment ever. What a crap counsellor!

@TreacleHart

Lots of women here are adamant their father , brother, uncle , next door neighbour etc is lovely and 100% would not cheat. Have you ever been on a work employee only overnight works do , or a conference ?

Yes, frequently and I've never cheated. My DH attends conferences regularly too and has never cheated either. In fact, even when he was single he never had sex or even kissed anyone while at a conference as his professional reputation is really important to him so he always avoided mixing business with pleasure.... until he met me. We met at work but worked in different departments and despite working in a female dominated profession for 20 years I was the only person he'd ever asked out in a date.

I think you can tell a lot about someone by observing the company they keep. When I started going out with DH and met his friends I was struck by their loyalty.Their wives and children clearly mean the world to them. On the odd occasion someone from their wider circle did cheat on a partner it was never applauded but was talked about with disgust and disappointment.

Sorry if it's not what you want to hear but I think 99% would given the right opportunity.

Also depends what you consider to be cheating.

KarensChoppyBob I think it's pretty black and white tbh.

I don’t, some may say porn is cheating, for others using webcam, for others it’s texting people their partners have or haven’t met in real life, for others an emotional affair. It’s not black and white. For me it’s my partner doing anything I’m uncomfortable with.

@yvanka

KarensChoppyBob I think it's pretty black and white tbh.

What's black and white for you will be black and white for you. What's black and white for someone else will be black and white for them. The two are not likely to be the same when it comes to nuances.

Treaclehart yes I've been on plenty of overnight work conferences, as has DH. And maybe it's just the people I know, but we all went to our own rooms at the end of the night.

If somebody wants to cheat, I don't imagine they wait until a once a year work conference to do it - and conversely if somebody is not a cheater, a night away won't turn them into one.

I think it's really sad that some posters have nothing more constructive to say than the face when anybody dares to suggest that some people would never cheat. I'm glad life hasn't made me expect the worst from everybody.

Eckhart I genuinely don't see how it could be subjective? There may be some types one person would forgive and another wouldn't, but cheating is cheating. Any romantic intimacy with someone other than your partner, be it sex, sexting, kissing, emotional affair is cheating.

There are good men out there just like there are good women !

I was married 8 years to my first husband who cheated with a woman at work and I divorced him.

I was on my own a long time and had 6 serious relationships. One did cheat, one decided he still loved his exW and wanted to go back to her (and no, I wasn't the OW !) the other 4 didn't.

I have now been with my 2nd husband 13 years and we have been faithful to each other.

I think it depends how you meet them.
IMO/experience if you meet them in pubs - you get drinkers, in clubs - guys out for a good time. Hobbies groups and interest clubs are better, as at least you know you have something in common.
OLD is a mixed bag - you need to sift through a lot of dross to find a good 'un.

After leaving my ex husband, who swore never cheating on me (he was otherwise abusive, I didn't leave him for having an affair) I found out about numerous affairs that he had. Very much an eye opener. Makes me laugh now, but a LOT of things have clicked into place since. Unexplained latenesses, strange phone calls from "patients". He had LOADS of affairs, ONSs. Loads. So never say never. I would never have thought that he would try to cheat me out of so much money either. Goes to show. Never trust anyone too much.

I think it depends how you meet them.

I haven't noticed much correlation tbh. Pretty much everyone goes to pubs, lots of people go to clubs, they're not all party animals.

I've had 3 relationships - two lovely faithful men, one I met in a club and the other on Tinder. Met the cheating waste of space one when he served me at Dominos! They're everywhere.

My stbxh did and he was the last man on earth I thought would.

I know 2 of my uncles have and my Grandad did.

Since becoming single I have had many offers from married men and it's so depressing.

Not sure why these men think I must be up for it because I'm now a single woman!

I have to have hope that they're not all like it, but it doesn't feel like it sometimes

This lady is a blogger on affairs/cheating and I think this article sums up cheaters and why they do it pretty well.

www.chumplady.com/2012/05/a-spectrum-of-cheaters/

I think all men have potential to cheat, some do, some don't but all could. (Very few enter into a relationship planning to, but life happens and people change) Never be naive enough to think 'my man never would'....always stay alert.

Such a pity that there are always women available and willing to flirt, text, swap pictures, date and sleep with married men....whatever happened to girl code?

@DinoHat I’d say I’m still working on forgiving him 18 months on from finding out but I think we’ll make it.

Lots and lots of counselling, genuine remorse from him and understanding of why (NOT excusing) helped by the fact I discovered it years after he ended it and we’re getting there.

I have no idea what the young woman (23 to his 37) thought would happen if she won him (and she definitely on reflection made it obvious even to me she wanted to - I was just oblivious!!). We had literally just had a baby (well I was 9 months pregnant when it started) - can’t say that would have made a good start to a relationship! I think she just liked his flash car and talk of the meals out and holidays we had.

I think people are naive (just like I was) when they say well mine wouldn’t because - my dh ticked all the boxes others have mentioned for why theirs are good guys including amicably splitting from his ex wife with no one else involved on either side and being very moral and surrounded by very moral people. EVERYONE was shocked when it came out.

And it’s amazing how good people can be at hiding things - my dh found out last year that his grandad had been cheating on his nanny for over 40 years (with the same woman) and has now moved her in after his nanny. No one knew.

I think most of us like to believe that our DP/DH wouldn't cheat. I thought that until he did. All our friends and family couldn't believe it either. We'd been together for 15 years and it was totally unexpected.

Some good friends have just separated because he slept with the nanny. Such a cliche and he's nearly 60!! they'd been together over 30 years.

I think there are some men who won't ( my late DP for one) but if I ever get into another relationship I would be keeping my eyes peeled.

I think if you haven't experienced it yourself or had close friends or family who have then you are probably more trusting. Looking back all the signs were there but because I wasn't expecting it I didn't recognise them. I sure as hell would now.

@whatdoidowithmylifenow
Agreed.... It is depressing. Xx