Are there any men who don't cheat....

[Manda2725]

Okay, so I'm feeling a bit down tbh. As per previous thread I just hit rid of my first boyfriend in 10 years who I found out was chatting with women online. My partner prior to this had an affair and left me 7 months pregnant with our second child.
I feel so ready to settle down, get married and do all that stuff but what's the point with all these bloody men and wen who don't give a damn about cheating.
I literally had a message from a guy on my Facebook offering himself on a plate to me (he has a girlfriend)... And tbh it's the last thing I need and just confirms yet again that faithful relationships are hard to come by.
I'm actually giving up and I'm only 40 😔...
I asked the guy why men do this and he said "no man is ever really happy, they are always looking for something better"
That cut my soul deep. Do you guys think there really are decent, faithful men out there who are genuinely happy with what they have.

@Senabak - Which is why I said both men and women cheat, not just men.
Men cheat with mostly females, so in that case the female is a willing participant too, unless she is single of course.
Also if stats show men cheating has stayed the same and women has increased by 40%, can we assume that men really do now lead the poll? It’s hard to see without the true stats for both sexes.
I think a lot of it is because more men get found out as they’re generally more careless, whereas women are more secretive.

@StoryOfMyFuckingLife

Men who don't do this have nothing to worry about

There are people on this very thread who think that no man is to be trusted. Do you not think that's a valid thing for men to worry about? 'When I start dating someone, their start position is to believe I'm untrustworthy'?

This thread is incredibly depressing. I am sure my dh has never cheated and never would. And I don't for one moment think he's unique. I have never cheated and never would.

I think a lot of people on here have their perceptions coloured by their experiences with men who lack integrity. But it doesn't mean all men are like that.

@EmmaGrundyForPM it certainly doesn’t. However my opinions are based on so many different types of men!

Family members, friends, friends partners, work colleagues, acquaintances. From the post boy to the Director. From the kind gentle types to the typical ‘lads’.

Years ago I would be floored and join in the cries of ‘no, way,
not Tom?! Surely! He worshipped the ground you walked on’ blah blah blah.

Now I’m just like ‘meh’

@StoryOfMyFuckingLife

I get entirely why some men have lost hope in finding a partner they can be safe with. Society has become quite misandristic and dealing with women has become perceived as risky.

Yeah because expecting men not to abuse and sexually assault us is so unreasonable...

Men who don't do this have nothing to worry about.

This seems to me to be an example of the misandry.

@StoryOfMyFuckingLife: Your anger is evident; no doubt you have a reason for it.

There are certainly men who don't cheat.
My ex is one...yes, we're divorced but we were married for a long while and he would never, ever cheat...he was as loyal as they come.
However he wasn't perfect and it didn't work out......there are loyal men but no perfect men (or women for that matter, I wasn't perfect either).

I don't think my DH would. He's very uncomfortable with duplicity in any form and is very honest (many would say honest to the point of bluntness - he doesn't do white lies or false flattery.) We've been together 20 years and I've never had reason to doubt him. There are some good guys out there.

(I'm probably going to get jumped on now by a ton of MNetter's telling me I'm a gullible idiot, that I need to open my eyes and leave the cheating bastard right now. Counting down in 3...2...1... 😂

@dchange

I dont believe all men cheat. However, we need to look at this differently as who are they cheating with? They are not sleeping with themselves and it's not like the people they are sleeping with don't know they have a girlfriend or wife.

If the guy trusts and really respects you, and you have a core foundation in friendship it's rare.

All in all women should also stop sleeping with married/engaged men

I've seen a lot of this on here. I've never been with a married / spoken for guy, but that isn't for the sisterhood. It is because I'm only interested in sex inside a relationship, and I don't want to be with someone who can't offer me their whole self. I have standards, and they are to benefit me not some woman I've never met.

@HeartbrokenJames

I might add that I was cheated on by two girlfriends when I was younger. The excruciating pain of those deceptions and betrayals of trust, plus my concern that I did not want to cause such pain for anyone else, contributed to my resolve not to entertain any notion of cheating on my wife.

I get entirely why some men have lost hope in finding a partner they can be safe with. Society has become quite misandristic and dealing with women has become perceived as risky.

Oh yes all the domestic violence , the rape and the violent porn , wives secretly using cam men and prostitutes , women buying men , beating men , trafficking men and boys for their sexual pleasure , men not getting equal pay unless it’s in one of two jobs where they demean themselves for women’s sexual pleasure and the sexual harassment online that men have to deal with today is just horrible isn’t it ......soooooo misandrist . Gotta feel for the menz

Thing is, if 60% of men cheat then that's on average 6 married blokes in every 10 couples, that is a lot.

Let's say half of the 6 only ever cheat once because their marriage is in trouble which leaves 3 who are habitually unfaithful, and have been successful in their messaging and chatting up of other women.

This however doesn't even take into account all the messaging and attempts at chatting up that doesn't lead to anything, so when single women say they are constantly getting hit on by married men, believe them, it's true.

'When I start dating someone, their start position is to believe I'm untrustworthy'?

If someone has that belief then they shouldn't be dating. I think trust is an important part of a relationship. If you don't trust your partner you should be honest and say so, let them decide if they wish to stay in a relationship where they are viewed with suspicion and mistrust.

IME the only men who dont cheat are the ones who cant find a woman who will say yes.

But I genuinely hope that there are some out there that dont, I really really do.

I have no interest in relationships anymore due to the fact that I could never fully trust again. I will always assume that someone cheating on me is a case if When and not If.

@happinessischocolate

Thing is, if 60% of men cheat then that's on average 6 married blokes in every 10 couples, that is a lot.

Let's say half of the 6 only ever cheat once because their marriage is in trouble which leaves 3 who are habitually unfaithful, and have been successful in their messaging and chatting up of other women.

This however doesn't even take into account all the messaging and attempts at chatting up that doesn't lead to anything, so when single women say they are constantly getting hit on by married men, believe them, it's true.

And where does this figure of 60% come from? The ones who are found out? Or the ones who admitted it, because either way that figure will be well below the true number who cheat.

There is a line in Peter's Friends that has always resonated with me. "Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place". Its why I truly believe any man will cheat if he can and thinks he will get away with it.

And I was hit on by more married men within a month of my marriage ending than I was in the whole of the marriage of 12 years. Suddenly I was single and must be gagging for it (I assume that was their rationale!) so I would shag them.....

*@PyongyangKipperbang

And where does this figure of 60% come from? The ones who are found out? Or the ones who admitted it, because either way that figure will be well below the true number who cheat.*

It was quoted by a pp, I think her marriage therapist said that figure.

One of the sad aspects of this is that there are lots of boys being raised by mum's who believe that their son will be a lying cheat. They are the person you create with the morals you give them.

Haven't read the whole thread... buy no... some men dont cheat... but they can be awful in so many other ways.... cheating is just one....

When my ex husband cheated on me the first time I was genuinely blindsided because I thought he would never cheat (I was told by someone). Truth be told, deep down I didn't believe it until I found out about the second time myself.

Prior to marriage, I cut off a friend who chose to exclusively date wealthy married men (her mother did the same thing). I cut off another friend soon after I got married because she was in a relationship with a married man. Now I've divorced my ex, I realised every relationship I've been in, I was cheated on. I accept someone somewhere in my life is most probably enabling a cheating man. I have one ex bf who until this day claims he didn't cheat on me. He's still a lovely guy and possibly the best one out of the bunch but Literally every man in my life (colleagues, relatives, friends etc) has admitted to cheating.

[quote happinessischocolate]*@PyongyangKipperbang

And where does this figure of 60% come from? The ones who are found out? Or the ones who admitted it, because either way that figure will be well below the true number who cheat.*

It was quoted by a pp, I think her marriage therapist said that figure.

[/quote]
Yeah but you see my point? It relies on people who habitually lie telling the truth.....

I really do feel that the true figure will be higher.

@BigFatLiar

One of the sad aspects of this is that there are lots of boys being raised by mum's who believe that their son will be a lying cheat. They are the person you create with the morals you give them.

Stop blaming women , a couple of posts back you told women to remember men ‘gave them their babies ‘ umm hello do you not realise women also ‘give MEN their babies and it’s women who do the lions share in that scenario by carrying and birthing . Then you go on to blame mums. NOPE men are responsible for their actions I know many people men and women raised by horrible parents who choose to behave in the complete OPPOSITE way of how their were raised STOP blaming women for men’s bad behaviour

I hope your future relationships bring you a better class of man OP... 🎀

What I can't get my head around is people (men and women) who go into monogamous relationships knowing they can't keep their bits to themselves.

Why fuck over someone else and ruin their future relationships?? if you're a shagger have a consentual open relationship or stay single.

All it takes is basic impulse control, and the ability to not place yourself in potentially compromising situations. Anyone would think it was fucking rocket science.

Ridiculous.

I know that there are statistics and it is more commonly men that cheat! I’m like other posters I wouldnt ever expect it of my DP but I wouldn’t bet our house that we co-own it. However my previous experiences in being cheated on was when I was a lot younger.. the most hurtful offender of cheating turned out to be my own mum. She cheated on my dad for years with another dad from my school. She tore up our family and my dad even asked for a second chance.. so it’s just men OP

My opinion of men is very low (so I can only speak of what I have experienced and those around me). It never used to be this low until I divorced and started dating and getting into the 'real' world.

On match.com i went on a date a few years back (stinky site with stinky cheats)..anyway I discovered shortly after first date he was married. Down to earth well spoken, educated, really nice smart VERY charming man. His wife was so beautifulI you'd not believe. I found her name on facebook contacted her to ask why her profile said married when hubby said he was divorced. I said I was worried and wanted to check he really was single. What do you know? Very married and she was in shock. She called me for a week every day to cross question what happened on the date blow by blow (I do not mind exposing asses it's my duty I feel).

Another date (online of course!) - had several dates only to discover after a few dates scattered over months and a trip to New York together (he paid) that he was married and wife was literally about to pop. The horror!! His wife was an absolutely stunning much younger women about doing her final training to be a doctor.

Third (met in Sainsburys). He greeted me by sandwich section like we knew each other - so confident! I greeted back and asked him to remind me where I know him from. He said 'I don't know you but I'd like to'. Short chat - we are both from abroad (same country it turns out) ... 'coincidences'. He asked for my phone blatantly and put his number in it.
About a week later I called and we met for a few drinks. As the drink s flowed as smooth and the conversation.... I discovered he was married with 4 kids (and his wife was literally at home babysitting) and had no clue where he was. Can you imagine... he was again a very heeled, quiet man - who portrayed himself as a family man. Going to church every week!

Another: One date from POF. I figured he was married this is how. I was at a hotel in heathrow flying out for work next morning. He came over to meet me at the resto downstairs - we had curry. After date I went to kiss on the cheek... as I got close (reeked of really strong home made curry). He told me he lives with some lads in a shared house and was a stock market trader. Well FACEBOOK. I found him. Vice President of a bank, married with a new born baby. His facebook was open and tonnes of people congratulating him on the new baby. I texted him a screenshot of the messages after him insisting he was single. What could he say 'you got me'. When I asked where his wife was all those nights we chatted and texted before our date till early hours he said she sleeps early and he'd be awake and bored and lonely and would chat to me.

@Mittens030869
First of all I never said you were naive nor did I attack you in anyway!

But you didnt hold back in making out your mother was to busy to see the sing which my point was there isn't always big signs.

First off men cheat more when children are born regardless of being exhausted, because cheating gives them energy, secondly I was a stay at home mum, my ex barely went out, and I didn't check his phone or watch him thinking he would cheat. He went to work and came home. He still did it.

Nothing to do with me, but because he wanted to.

Call me wrong sweetie and think your doing something better then your mother and other women, but from this forum you should know many women never thought they would til they do.
Hopefully you don't blame yourself or how you missed the signs.

But I feel from your reply to me, your have your own doubts.

Ps no need to reply
I made my point.

@BigFatLiar What a weird response. But I guess that was the point, to be a weirdo on the internet.