DH choked 10yo

[wayfarer46]

Hello all, I need some support here, it is very hard for me to be objective in this situation.
Soon-to-be-ex DH has a rage issue. On Boxing Day he flew into a rage at our 10yo son for turning off a light. Kid was crying, hyperventilating, ran into the bedroom. DH followed him in, I asked DH to go out as he was making the situation worse and I wanted DS to be able to calm down. DH started calling DS names like "fool" and "retard" DS then tried to choke DH and DH laughed at him, said "I'll show you how to do it" then grabbed him and threw him down on the bed and put his hands around DS neck. DS made a strangled noise and DH let him go. The actual hands on the neck was less than a second. DS was not physically hurt.
I left DH, got a protective order & emergency custody of DS.
Now DH is saying I blew the event out of proportion. That he didn't put any pressure on DS neck and that I am just trying to take his son away.
I have asked him to do parenting classes, anger management, and therapy before getting supervised visitation. Once his therapist signs off I am willing to do equal visitation, but I want to maintain custody in case there is another event in the future. (Bratty teenage attitudes are on the horizon, and DH has already proven he can't deal with that)
He says I kidnapped DS on false charges. He has gone to his doctor and started taking meds which I am glad for as a first step.
I love DH and he is a great father a lot of the time, so I know these things are clouding my judgement on how serious this event was. I just need objective input from someone who doesn't love him, and hasn't seen years of him being a gentle, caring dad when he is not having an outburst.
Thank you all

Just want to chime in with my support. You are being a wonderful mother and putting your child first. Keep strong op

I would recommend reading the book “No Visible Bruises”, or parts thereof, to get some more perspective on what you’re going through. Strangulation (even “minor”, “only-a-joke” type incidents) are the number one predictor of escalating abuse and should be taken extremely seriously. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Do notback down.

Your soon to be ex has alienated his own son. Not your doing. He did it because a ten year old turned off a ligh Keep that in mind..

Keep thinking about this situation.

Have you contacted SS or are you waiting to see if the appeal works?

Personally I would contact them anyway. They will ask when it happened so I think it's better to contact them sooner rather than later.

Get all this love and gentle caring dad stuff out of your head. It's not true.

He's an utter maniac and now he's minimising it. Yes, your son thinks he wants to see his dad, because he's 10.

It's your job to protect him and if you don't he won't forget it.

Wishing you strength in your next steps. I really hope that you get the support you need to keep your DS safe and that you also heal from this.

FWIW, 18 years ago my then boyfriend grabbed me around the neck and squeezed. It was probably only for a few seconds but it felt like ages. I was panicky and terrified. I had slight soreness and some bruising afterwards.

To this day, and I would say probably for the rest of my life, I cannot abide anything around my neck, even a tight polo-neck or scarf makes me a bit panicky.

I was a fully grown adult and knew I was in an abusive relationship I had to get out of, despite me feeling love towards him. It wasn't a parent/ child situation. I could process my thoughts and feelings in an adult way and even then, it's had lingering effects.

Well done, and stay strong.