He's cheating and he knows I'm pregnant

[whichnameisavailablethen]

Hi.

I've been on mumsnet many years ago when my two little ones were young.

So half an hour ago, my kid asked me to change something on his dads phone, but he was actually on his fathers tinder account.

We found out I was pregnant a week ago, we've been together 11 years and he set up dating profiles on other sites too.

I know it's wrong to have looked but after the tinder I couldn't help it. They are all set up from the day he found out and he's been messaging women day and night since.

I'm heartbroken and feel worthless

OP - this all seems like an extreme reaction to the pregnancy news.
Was it a surprise? Did he want to have more children? Did you (or he) have a hard time when your kids were babies? Can you afford another child?

Without knowing anything else about your relationship and circumstances - it’s really hard to say much other than this is clearly his reaction to the pregnancy news.
It’s only been going on for a week, and was triggered by the news.
And clearly it’s all been virtual.

Talk to him. You need to figure this out as a family. It’s not commendable that he can’t express his anxiety in a more mature ways - but can’t change it now.

Good luck.

Wow. Maybe he feels 'that's her trapped now so I can cheat'. Has he ever been controlling op? A lot of that sort ramp things up once you are pregnant.

He wanted another child.

He just doesn't want me.

He wants his cake and to eat it too- I’m so sorry OP

Correction, he wants you - He wants you to be an oven for his kid and a caretaker for his other one. Maybe a cook, a maid and a sex partner too?

Sorry that he has turned out to be a bellend op. But at least you've found out now rather than 6 months in. Do YOU want another child? Could you do it without this waste of space? Because I certainly wouldn't do it with him.

I don't know what to do. He just told me he doesn't want me and went to bed

Who owns the house. I'd be packing the bastards stuff into bin bags. He has the audacity to go to bed when you catch him cheating! What a scumball.

The house is mine but because of the kids being home and me not wanting to upset them I'm stuck, he's in bed and I'm hiding in the kitchen from my boys

Wow. What a dick. Said he wanted kids, and when you get pregnant he instantly starts looking for someone else.
OP he sounds extremely weird. That's incredibly odd.

I really do wonder if this is the controlling nature setting in. Telling you he doesn't want you, knowing you're vulnerable and pregnant. He probably expects you to start begging him or something. Make sure you don't!

So sorry that this is what you have to deal with after finding out you're pregnant!

Do you want this child?

Can you cut your losses and separate?
Are you married

If you own the house, then calmly tell him that if he does not want you, then to head for the door.

I think you have to be really, really strong and kick him out. It's incredibly disrespectful. Then you have to have a serious think about what to do next. What a bastard he is.

OMG, is this what he did the first time round too. I know this is what I'd be questioning him.
Sending you hugs, kick him out asap.

I'm not sure if I can bring up another child whilst doing it alone

Tell him to pack his bags and fuck off, pandemic or not. Then have a long think about the pregnancy and decide what you want.

You have to do what is right for you, OP

OP - what is really going on?
No relationship suddenly goes from happy to this, what you are describing.
You have kids with this man. You decided to have another.
Do YOU want him and another child with him?

He's got nowhere to go. He has no family in the U.K.

@MMmomDD everything has been fine. We met at uni, both have good careers, our two boys were welcome.

I work from home anyway and he works in manufacturing so things didn't really change for us via the pandemic. I'm so confused

@whichnameisavailablethen

I'm not sure if I can bring up another child whilst doing it alone

Then could you make an.appointment with the gp to talk through your options?

Because being stuck with this creep for another 20 years should not be one of them.

I agree with pp, calmly tell him that he is to leave your home now. Take the boys out and tell him if he is not gone when you return on an hour, you will call the police.

Hom having nowhere to go is not your problem (he should have thought of that before joining dating sites to cheat on his pregnant wife).

You say he has a good career? Good,he can pay for a hotel until he finds somewhere.

Hotels aren't open are they?

Yes hotels are still open.

It is not your problem he has no where to go. Please please please don't let him stay because of that

Unless he is having some sort of a mental breakdown - everything hasn’t been fine on his side.
But you aren’t a mind reader. He needs to either engage and talk about it - or leave.

I’d not be bringing another child into this.