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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's cheating and he knows I'm pregnant

166 replies

whichnameisavailablethen · 03/02/2021 13:49

Hi.

I've been on mumsnet many years ago when my two little ones were young.

So half an hour ago, my kid asked me to change something on his dads phone, but he was actually on his fathers tinder account.

We found out I was pregnant a week ago, we've been together 11 years and he set up dating profiles on other sites too.

I know it's wrong to have looked but after the tinder I couldn't help it. They are all set up from the day he found out and he's been messaging women day and night since.

I'm heartbroken and feel worthless

OP posts:
Fandabydosey · 03/02/2021 16:34

@whichnameisavailablethen

He's got nowhere to go. He has no family in the U.K.
Ah well never mind actions have consequences. Hotels are open so are some Air BNBs. He said he does want you. So he needs to leave. Be strong
TheyIsMyFamily · 03/02/2021 16:35

Tell him to get to fuck. He can sleep in his car.

Brainwave89 · 03/02/2021 16:38

First of all a big hug OP Flowers. Tell him to go and go now. It should be his problem to sort out where he now resides, hotels are open and failing that he can contact the Salvation Army. He has after all just dumped a great pile of shit on you. Do you have someone to speak to over the coming days and weeks? You need to consider all your options carefully and rationally, but your priority should be you and your kids. It is hard when this has come as such a shock, but you are worth more and better than this. Trust me on this from experience. Leave and it will be better going forward.

RedWelliesAreHot · 03/02/2021 16:41

But in all honesty, would the police remove someone non-violent from their home?

I agree with the sentiment, but not sure of how legal this is, if it's listed as his home address on paperwork etc.

I may be in the wrong, but am genuinely not sure if you can ask the police to remove a partner and father to your children if they are not abusing you are being violent.

RedWelliesAreHot · 03/02/2021 16:41

Also, hotels are not open as normal.
They ask for evidence of business travel in the area.

SinkGirl · 03/02/2021 16:44

He can leave now then. Who cares where he sleeps? He’s awful. I’m so sorry.

BadBear · 03/02/2021 16:44

He's told me he's moving into his new place tomorrow evening and I can wait.

No you cannot, get rid of him today. The only issue is that police resources are a bit stretched at the moment. They tend to priotitise situations where someone's life is in danger when it comes to domestic incidents. Still worth giving them a ring though to find out.

Stand your ground and ask him to leave again. Do you have any friends you have a bubble who could come over and offer moral support? What a horrible asshole!

FatCatThinCat · 03/02/2021 16:44

Fuck that shit. He can go now, not when it suits him.

Teardrop2021 · 03/02/2021 16:45

Tbh op he sounds very aggressive, you're vulnerable being pregnant I wouldn't hesitate to ring the police if you feel threatened.

Legseleven1990 · 03/02/2021 16:46

I'm so sorry op Flowers

Original poster
whichnameisavailablethen · 03/02/2021 16:47

He's gone.

He wants no contact.

24hrs ago we were talking about getting a new car.

I feel dreadful

OP posts:
SavannahMiasMum · 03/02/2021 16:48

Sounds like you are best without him for sure

Notanothermask · 03/02/2021 16:48

@whichnameisavailablethen

He's gone.

He wants no contact.

24hrs ago we were talking about getting a new car.

I feel dreadful

Hand holdThanks Stay strong. Although you don't feel it now no contact is the best, obvious DC contact but will be easy to process what happens
Wyntersdiary · 03/02/2021 16:49

11 years together and he wants no contact because HE'S basically cheated??

Okkkay then, what a nice guy - _-

Pathetic

lilroo87 · 03/02/2021 16:49

I'm so sorry that this happened and I know you're going to have such a mixture of emotions as there isn't really any closure as it was all so sudden.
Don't contact him for a while but I guess at some point you'll need to sort out visits with the kids.
Just give yourself time and definitely get a friend over if you can for a bit of support through all of this x

Tigertealeaves · 03/02/2021 16:49

Sorry OP. Flowers

Legseleven1990 · 03/02/2021 16:50

@whichnameisavailablethen

He's gone.

He wants no contact.

24hrs ago we were talking about getting a new car.

I feel dreadful

Oh op. You must be devastated. Do you have any friends or family close by who can support you or mind your boys while you get your head around this?
BadBear · 03/02/2021 16:51

What a pathetic person! I am sorry but you and your kids deserve so much better than that. He can't be a father or a partner, off he f*cks!

user1492848984 · 03/02/2021 16:52

If you have kids together there needs to be contact.. tbh it seems like he’s spitting his dummy out because he’s got found out! I’m glad he’s left, please stay strong, do you have anyone you can talk to or keep you safe for the next couple of days?? He sounds very volatile ☹️

HowQuicklyTwoAndTwenty890 · 03/02/2021 16:52

This is not your fault. This is not your doing. You are not to blame.

If the house is yours please ring a locksmith and get the locks changed today today today.

OakSnows · 03/02/2021 16:54

@whichnameisavailablethen I’m so sorry he’s done this to you, but I’m really pleased he’s left. Call a locksmith to change the locks, front and back tonight. Get yours and the children’s passports from where he knows you keep them and hide them somewhere new in the house. Check one hasn’t taken them. But change the locks now. Even though friends and family are far away, tell them. You need someone in realise to be checking on you. You would be allowed a friend/family member to come and support you during this.

Snally82 · 03/02/2021 16:58

He’s vile.

You will be able to get a fresh start. You can do this.

Iaintaffraidofcoldtoast · 03/02/2021 16:59

OP I found my ex on internet dating sites. Half an hour before he had just brought me up a cheese and pork pie platter. I went down stairs and told him to get out. He was raging and said the most disgusting things to me.

Right now he has been found out and he is so angry at himself and he will direct all that anger at you. I had a week of horrible vile messages of some one I didn’t recognise- he’d never ever spoken to me like that before.

My advice is to turn your phone off for a week. Let his anger burn out and it will give you time to figure out what your going to do.

You have your own house and you have optionsFlowers.

PheasantPlucker1 · 03/02/2021 17:00

What a vile bastard.

How are you feeling OP, have you managed to eat anything? And how are you DC doing?

Brainwave89 · 03/02/2021 17:00

@whichnameisavailablethen

He's gone.

He wants no contact.

24hrs ago we were talking about getting a new car.

I feel dreadful

hand hold from here. I will be thinking of you tonight. I know this is hurting right now, but he is a pathetic example of a human being and a man, and most men are much better than him. It may not feel like it now, but this is a good thing. Make sure the locks are changed and you start sorting out the finances. When my ex left the next thing he did was to drain the joint account and the savings account he could get access to. Most of it was funded by me as well. Be strong OP Flowers Flowers
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