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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's cheating and he knows I'm pregnant

166 replies

whichnameisavailablethen · 03/02/2021 13:49

Hi.

I've been on mumsnet many years ago when my two little ones were young.

So half an hour ago, my kid asked me to change something on his dads phone, but he was actually on his fathers tinder account.

We found out I was pregnant a week ago, we've been together 11 years and he set up dating profiles on other sites too.

I know it's wrong to have looked but after the tinder I couldn't help it. They are all set up from the day he found out and he's been messaging women day and night since.

I'm heartbroken and feel worthless

OP posts:
FraggleShingleBellRock · 03/02/2021 15:57

In with everybody else- get rid and have an abortion.

You are worth so much more.

Taylrse · 03/02/2021 16:00

What awful behaviour!!

How dare he think he can just stay in the house and message other people, then go off to bed without even discussing the situation like an adult.

If you don't want to call the police, wait until he goes out and then get the locks changed. Take control of the situation.

It will be difficult for the children but it is even worse living in a house with two parents who aren't happy.

Serendipity79 · 03/02/2021 16:01

He has to leave if its your property and you aren't married and you don't want him there. If you aren't up to calling the police, then wait until he goes to work and get the locks changed. If there is any hint he's going to get nasty though please call the police asap and they will remove him. x

lilroo87 · 03/02/2021 16:01

He's goading you because he doesn't think you'll actually call the police.
Definitely do it though.
I know it's scary and your kids are there but he has no right to treat you this way, you deserve more.
We're all here for you.
As soon as they have him out of the house, change the locks. Then get his stuff packed ready for him to pick up another day.

combatbarbie · 03/02/2021 16:03

Oh bloody hell, definitely call the police if he is refusing. I'd also get the kids passports and give them to some one of trust I. E your parents or similar.... Sounds extreme but I wouldn't even let that situation arise.

Nunoftheother · 03/02/2021 16:05

But at least you've found out now rather than 6 months in.

They've been together 11 years, have a child together and the OP is pregnant. Not sure there's much "at least" about the situation.

He sounds an utter arse. I hope either he comes to his senses or you're able to kick him out.

PurpleMustang · 03/02/2021 16:10

Ring the police. He was on there before you found out you was pregnant and carried on regardless. Get him out, doesn't matter if hotels are open or not. You need to then think and plan when you have a clear head about this pregnancy, do it assuming he won't be around. Dont be relying on him as now you know you can't. And I would be ringing the doctors about a testing, just in case as I wouldn't be trusting this being the first time. Good luck

Crystalvas · 03/02/2021 16:11

I’m so sorry you are going through this OP. Dont let him spoil your pregnancy. Get the police its your house. The sooner you get him out the sooner you can start to recover and get on with your life. Fuck him for disrespecting you and expecting to stay in your house. You dont need him. You hold the power here its your house and if you want him out the police will get him out hes now trespassing on your property.

Dasher789 · 03/02/2021 16:18

oh goodness, i am so sorry to hear this OP. please get the police to remove him from your house. that is the first step you need to do. it is not your problem he doesn't have family, etc etc close by. after that, take time to consider your own wants and needs and go from there

good luck

Wanderlusto · 03/02/2021 16:18

@Nunoftheother

But at least you've found out now rather than 6 months in.

They've been together 11 years, have a child together and the OP is pregnant. Not sure there's much "at least" about the situation.

He sounds an utter arse. I hope either he comes to his senses or you're able to kick him out.

I meant 6 months in to the pregnancy when her choice would be taken away as to whether or not to proceed with it.
Original poster
whichnameisavailablethen · 03/02/2021 16:18

He's told me he's moving into his new place tomorrow evening and I can wait.

I have no family unfortunately, and I live a fair distance from my friends (we moved here for work last summer)

Oh and he first slept with someone else 3 weeks in. I'm a pity relationship that lasted too long

OP posts:
NailsNeedDoing · 03/02/2021 16:21

I’m one of those that pretty much never encourages people to leave their relationships on here, but I think you really have to. In only a couple of posts you’ve said that he’s told you he doesn’t want you, and he’s confirmed that by telling you to call the police to get him out. I don’t see how you can come back from that. Do what he asks and call the police, if it’s your house, they will get him out for you.

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, it must be hurting so much. Broken hearts know how to heal themselves though, you’re going to need to concentrate on getting your head together.

Mix56 · 03/02/2021 16:22

He doesn't want you but you were OK to fulfill his sexual needs... So glad he is leaving.

Wanderlusto · 03/02/2021 16:23

Oft... call the police now. Theres nothing to say he won't change his mind tomorrow.(Wasnt it just 'I'm not leaving' five minutes ago) He doesnt get to dictate when he leaves your home. Cheeky fucker.

He is saying this to you about a pity relationship? He is absolutely vile. Head somewhere that he cant hear you and call the police.

Crystalvas · 03/02/2021 16:23

Tell him to go now. You dont want cheating double crossing bastard in your house anymore. Please dont be soft on him op. He dosnt deserve that. Remember its your house you hold all thr cards here not him he has nothing now. How dare he do this to you.

Roastednotsalt · 03/02/2021 16:24

He’s cruel OP.

Did you discuss the 3rd child? Why on earth did he plan another child if he felt like this all along.

DavidsSchitt · 03/02/2021 16:25

I would not be allowing him to stay tonight. No way

HyacynthBucket · 03/02/2021 16:26

Please don't worry about where he is to go if you chuck him out, OP. He is an adult and he can work it out for himself, its his problem not yours. He is well out of order telling you he is staying until tomorrow. Why should you tolerate him there a minute longer? If he is being aggressive, there could be an argument tonight, so he needs to go now, either with the input of the police, or on his own. Get him out, and get a locksmith round to change the locks asap. So sorry you have had this awful shock. Flowers

lilroo87 · 03/02/2021 16:26

One minute he's not leaving and all of a sudden he has a new place. How long has he been planning that?
I wonder if you hadn't found the apps on his phone if he'd have just moved out tomorrow. So strange.
If he's moving out then take his keys for your house so that you have a bit of time to get the locks changed x

TeaPiglet · 03/02/2021 16:26

@whichnameisavailablethen

He's told me he's moving into his new place tomorrow evening and I can wait.

I have no family unfortunately, and I live a fair distance from my friends (we moved here for work last summer)

Oh and he first slept with someone else 3 weeks in. I'm a pity relationship that lasted too long

I'm so sorry OP, how are you feeling now? Just remember you're pregnant so regardless of what you do just take it as easy as you can. We're all here to help you, you're smart lovely woman and great mummy that's clear to see. We've got you girl.
billy1966 · 03/02/2021 16:26

Call the police and get him out.
He is not to be trusted.

He is aggressive towards you in his language.

Reach out to friends for support.
Flowers

Notanothermask · 03/02/2021 16:27

@whichnameisavailablethen

He's told me he's moving into his new place tomorrow evening and I can wait.

I have no family unfortunately, and I live a fair distance from my friends (we moved here for work last summer)

Oh and he first slept with someone else 3 weeks in. I'm a pity relationship that lasted too long

No I would remove that option he no longer gets an opinion he's leaving today because you have said so, He's going to say all nasty stuff to hurt you now, I'm so sorry your going through this x
justthecat · 03/02/2021 16:28

Like previous posters have said, call the police to get him out now. Then change the locks. Who does he think he is to treat you this way then dictate to you when he leaves

Serendipity79 · 03/02/2021 16:31

Theres a poster somewhere on here whos partner was telling her he was moving out at some point in the next week for months. She struggled to get him out in the end. Its your home, he shouldn't get to decide when he comes and goes x

WingingIt101 · 03/02/2021 16:33

Op you deserve so much better.
I rarely encourage “LTB” but in this case I think you need to take the necessary steps to get him out. He has told you that’s the police.

Can you set the kids up doing an activity in one room (something messy they see as a treat perhaps, something that will keep them distracted and excited) and when police arrive explain you don’t want the children to see if possible.

Whatever you choose, regain control and do it in the knowledge you have done nothing wrong, he has caused this.

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