He's cheating and he knows I'm pregnant

[whichnameisavailablethen]

Hi.

I've been on mumsnet many years ago when my two little ones were young.

So half an hour ago, my kid asked me to change something on his dads phone, but he was actually on his fathers tinder account.

We found out I was pregnant a week ago, we've been together 11 years and he set up dating profiles on other sites too.

I know it's wrong to have looked but after the tinder I couldn't help it. They are all set up from the day he found out and he's been messaging women day and night since.

I'm heartbroken and feel worthless

Get tough op.
He should have thought of where to go before deciding to be a cheating arse.

Do you still want the baby?

If he's capable of going onto dating sites and chatting to women there, he's capable of finding himself somewhere else to live. Stay strong and don't take any more crap.

So what if he has nowhere to go!

You do not have to tolerate this man. You are entirely in the right if you want to ask him to leave, any suggestion he may become angry or agressive you can ring the police.

You may have already decided what to do about the pregnancy, if not, take some time. You do not have to have this baby if you cant. Huge hugs, men like this are bastards.

Him having nowhere else to go is not your problem. It’s not up to you to find him a solution.

It’s literally not your problem if he has nowhere to go op. Get him out of the house now and rid yourself of this vile specimen.

Next steps

• Get him out
• Change the locks
• Confide in any friends and family that will be supportive.
• See a gp
• See a solicitor.
• Block him on everything bar one method of contact and only reply on that to things about the kids.

He’s got nowhere to go? Well. That’s tough tits isn’t it?
Don’t feel sorry for him for goodness sake, he doesn’t feel sorry for you.

My head is racing. I feel sick to my stomach

No wonder op. We're being very practical with you but of course this is a massive shock and itll be difficult to think straight. Do you have any relatives you can confide in? Perhaps a male one to come round whilst you ask him to leave? Lockdown can be broken for things like this.

Maybe stand outside and get some air? Have a smoke? Speak to someone on the phone you trust?

You can work out what to do but it's ok to take time to centre yourself first.

You must be a shock. Make a warm drink and sit down.

Has he got form for this sort of behaviour? what was he like during the other pregnancies?

He is unbelievably cruel to say what he has. Has he been like this before? how were things before you found out you were pregnant?

Nothing can excuse this sort of cruelty. It looks like he was planning to cheat while you were pregnant. Its almost like he's planning to hire a temp! bastard.

Are you married OP? If so that changes things as he has a legal right to reside in the marital home, regardless of whose name is on the title deeds or tenancy.

If you're not married then he doesn't have a right to remain in the house and you can ask the police to remove him if he refuses to leave.

He can either get a hotel room (most chains are open for "essential trips" and relationship breakdowns are specifically mentioned as qualifying) or he can go to the local housing office and present as homeless. In many areas this will result in him being put in a hotel right now anyway! But that's not your problem to solve, he's big enough to look for sex on his phone so he's big enough to sort out where to sleep.

Park the pregnancy issue in your mind for now - you've got time to decide on that (I assume) and be sure you're making the right decision for you and your dc.

I'm sorry op, he's a rotten shit.

Hotels are open it he can declare himself homeless 👋 off he fucks. That’ll give you some thinking space whilst he’s gone. He needs to be gone permanently.

We're not married, we both didn't want that.

He's been fine during other pregnancies as far as I'm aware, but maybe not? Maybe there's more to this and I'm just too stupid to have seen it

@whichnameisavailablethen

The house is mine but because of the kids being home and me not wanting to upset them I'm stuck, he's in bed and I'm hiding in the kitchen from my boys

If the house is yours...

I hope to goodness you aren't married in that case, otherwise he will likely have a claim on it [?]

Are you willing and able to raise a third child alone?

So sorry.

Even if they are married, just the threat of calling the police if he doesn't go should be enough. Even if they wouldnt remove him (which they might anyway if they feel he is a threat to you). If you can get him out for a bit and change the locks then it's done. At least until the divorce.

No you are not stupid. You should be able to trust your partner. Staying with someone you know you can't trust would be stupid though.

I'd be livid with him upstairs sleeping. But it might be better to gather your thoughts before you act. What do you want to do? If he has nowhere to go its not your problem. He's an adult. Will he leave if you asked him?

@Wanderlusto

Next steps

• Get him out
• Change the locks
• Confide in any friends and family that will be supportive.
• See a gp
• See a solicitor.
• Block him on everything bar one method of contact and only reply on that to things about the kids.

This. Don't concern yourself about where he goes.

Please think seriously about the wisdom of having another child.
Honestly not a good idea to go ahead with another pregnancy.

Another child will ALL be on YOU.

So sorry you are going through this.

A friend of mine had an OH who refused to leave after being an unfaithful twat (it was her house). She ended up booking him a cheap hotel room and told him to go there. When it still looked like he wouldn't leave she started threatening to take a hammer to his pride and joy car parked outside and suggested he move it as she felt she couldn't help herself in doing some serious damage and really wanted him to feel as hurt as she felt right then (she had no intention of doing it damage). Anyway, that did the trick and off he popped. Didn't want to risk his car being hurt. His things were waiting in the front garden for him on his return the next day. Not sure where he stayed after that but he hasn't been back and she is a different person already.

I've asked him to wake up and leave. He's just told me to fuck off and call the police. He's not leaving his kids

Call the police OP.

He can not sit in your house texting other women for sex! And do not feel stupid, hes the idiot with no where to go.

Call the Police, it is not his house and he’s no longer welcome to stay there.

Call the police, it is your house, if you no longer want him in there then he has to leave!

Call the police and get him out. Change the locks. He cannot stay in your home if you do not allow it.

@whichnameisavailablethen

I've asked him to wake up and leave. He's just told me to fuck off and call the police. He's not leaving his kids

Sorry to hear this OP. You must be in shock.

I would call the police. Listen to what he is saying to you he sounds entitled he’s gone to bed and left you to it.

He will maybe face reality if you get him out now. It’s not your responsibility to worry about where he goes!

I know this is a lot but to be honest I don’t think I would go through with a 3rd child given your situation.

Do it OP. It’s your house, you’re not married & he isn’t entitled to be there and has now been aggressive towards you. Is there anyone that can take the boys so they don’t have to see?

Once he’s out get a lock smith immediately.

Good luck and keep talking