Please hold my hand a bit longer - thread 2 -

[MoreLegsThanMe]

I’m so grateful for all the help and support on thread 1.

Please help me keep going, especially at night. I’m not strong enough on my own.

I suspect changing your name to your maiden name (or any other name you like - Maybe Hemsworth or Elba???) and having all legal paperwork addressed as such might make more of a statement than sending the rings back. Especially as he WOULD give them to her, and it’s not going to last. You would regret that immensely. The change of name would be a knife in the gut to him. (Don’t me surprised if the kids want to as well, btw...)

I wouldn’t send the rings back either, even if they just stay in a drawer for the next 30/40 years when your DC’s sort your things out they will find them and probably pass them to your dgcs remembering the happier times when they were young, they will have different meanings to them as they will see them as 27 years of security before dad was an idiot, whereas you to you they evoke different emotions.

It will be interesting to see his reaction to the petition, as I think you’re right, he probably does see you as his back up clause.

I have been thinking about this and maybe you might feel a name change is kicking off a life independent from him too.

I had my rings made into a lovely pendant and earrings which I plan on leaving to my daughters. I do wear them and they feel like mine now and not a reminder of my exh

@bigbaggyeyes

I had my rings made into a lovely pendant and earrings which I plan on leaving to my daughters. I do wear them and they feel like mine now and not a reminder of my exh

Came on to say the same. My mum designed a new ring and had her wedding ring and engagement ring melted down. She sold the eternity ring and went on holiday.

I've been following your journey and you have done amazing.
Agree with other don't tell the bastard anything.
Don't give him the rings
And please try to stop, I know it's hard, thinking about the 2 of them together.
It will make you bitter, and hold you back.
He is not worth it.
Concentrate on yourself and the children.
He made his bed , he has to lie in it.
I so want to be a fly on the wall when he gets his papers. Not just to see the look on his face, but hers as well. She will then figured out she's practically stuck with the limped dick bastard.
Hope his Willy breaks and falls off. Karma is a bitch

Can you please try some exercises like retraining yourself? Every time you catch yourself thinking about them, think of five lovely experiences you’ve had with the kids that are yours exclusively. Not in a “Ha! This is what he’s missing out on!” Kind of a way, but more of a warming your soul and holding it to you like an embrace kind of a way?

I ended up selling my rings to repair other jewellery. I tried to get my engagement ring repaired but the jeweller said all the claws needed replacing and it would cost hundreds, and in his opinion the ring had come to the end of its life - like my marriage (he didn't say that bit of course, I did).

Those rings, or the value of them, could go to your children. Why let him have them? He would probably sell them and buy OW something.

I agree. Keep the rings. You earned them. You are the one who put the effort into your marriage, and it would have never have lasted so long without your loyalty and unselfishness.

Either leave them in a drawer for your DC to have in future years, or sell them to fund something nice for you and/or the DC now. H is not entitled to them and nor is OW.

The petition is going to be a sufficient message in itself. Because I'm sure you're right and at the back of his mind is the weaselly thought that going home to you and the DC is still an option. You forgave him once so he thinks he'll be able to persuade you to forgive him again. But the petition will demonstrate that he's run out of second chances.

You're not a soap opera and you're not a boring tale. Never think that. We're here when you need us. And none of us know when we might not need the same support ourselves.

If it's as windy where you are as it is here, I don't think either of us is getting any gardening done today. Maybe at the weekend...

Take care MoreLegs. I hope today's a good day.

I would sell the rings and have a weekend away. I'd certainly not give them to him to he can gift them to the whore.

I also agree do not give the rings back. Sell them and get your self something you wouldn’t normally treat yourself to. You deserve it. Also forgot to say happy birthday.

@bigbaggyeyes

I had my rings made into a lovely pendant and earrings which I plan on leaving to my daughters. I do wear them and they feel like mine now and not a reminder of my exh

My friend did this too.

I want you to picture how you would feel if he ASKED you for the rings to give to OW.....
Now think about what would happen if you sent them back to him.

Thank you x

I am surprised you all think sending my rings back is not the right thing to do, but I hadn’t really considered what may happen if I did. Good luck getting them to fit OW though. I have small hands and a J ring size. She............doesn’t.

Knowing how fast they move I’d not be surprised if they were engaged already, the twats.

Rings will just stay in the drawer for now. Maybe I’ll sell them on or have them made into something else - that’s such a good idea - or maybe I’ll just leave them there and let the DC decide what to do with them after my death.

I spoke with my GP again today to review my medication. He’s agreed that I should stay on it until August, which has the last two “firsts”, other than Christmas of course. He said as I take 30mgs he will lower it to 20mgs and then from there I could stop. I wouldn’t need to wean off it apparently. He’s diarised to call me in August to see how I’m getting on.

I know I’m not thinking of them as much now. Not like the early days when it was virtually all I did. I look back to that and don’t recognise who I was. How anyone can found a relationship based on the pain it caused their original partner is beyond me. How can they be happy knowing they’ve done that? I wish I could understand.

I hope the marriage certificate arrives next week so I can issue. Again, I don’t recognise how I felt about the divorce four months ago. I didn’t want to do it, and I wouldn’t have. Now I still don’t want to, but I’m doing it.

I just keep thinking to myself. One step at a time. One day. One night. As mantras go it’s pretty pathetic but I still think it.

Another weekend of keeping busy. If I just sat down and had nothing to do I don’t know what would happen. It’s getting me through.

x

It's not in the least pathetic MoreLegs. Sometimes putting one foot in front of the other is the hardest thing we've ever done. But you're doing it and it's enough. You are getting through this.

You couldn't be happy knowing you had caused such pain but then you are an infinitely better person than either of that shoddy pair. They only think of themselves.

Keeping busy's good - nicer things to think about and hopefully tiring enough to ensure you can sleep properly.

Sleep tight, MoreLegs. You're amazing.

I still think he would find it a huge slap in the face if you changed your name (if you were ready... I know that’s huge) and used that to file with.

Hi Legs, so ow has sausage fingers... and you are size J

I'm imagining you as a petite Audrey Hepburn type now, good girl keep the jewelry pass it on to your own children.

It would be quite good if you could coincide giving him the petition to the date when he left last year, sort of symbolic, just a thought.

I think your very right about not being able to cause that much pain to another, I knew a woman like that, married 4 times, left an utter trail of destruction throughout her life, she's elderly now and still has no reflection on what pain she caused, some people don't, completely oblivious to it.

But you could never be like that, thats why you would make someone such a lovely companion one day Legs, just friends, my uncle had a relationship like that, no sex just friendship, coffees and watching films together and garden centres.
Could you imagine Legs a male friend of yours sat in his chair, in your house just watching Vera on TV I love to see his face.

Anyway I'm getting carried away...

Sleep tight Audrey
x

I don’t know why, but I’ve always imagined @MoreLegsThanMe as being gamine and fairy-like. I bet OW is jealous as hell.

Oh yes, sausage fingers, that’s given me the first chuckle of the morning.

You are so right about how far you’ve come, you are unrecognisable from the early days, you are so much stronger and more focused.

I think I’m the only one here that would probably keep the name, it’s the name you share with your DCs and you’ve probably had it longer than you had your maiden name, I think I’d struggle to let that go after so long, but this time next week you may have issued the petition, that is definite progress, keep going legs, you’re doing brilliantly.

Do you have any plans for the summer, something to look forward to?

I haven't changed my name for the very reason that Billy didn't change hers.

Just checking in Legs, Glad you are parking the issue of the rings for now. Takes courage to keep going, and you've clearly got that in spades, right down to the tips off your tiny fingers! Keep going lovie x

Also checking in to see how you are .. Laughing at the OW being called 'sausage fingers'

Thank you x

Audrey Hepburn I’m not (would be lovely though). I probably look more like her father..

And I’m certainly not fairy like either. Think more Princess Fiona after the sun goes down.

OW is a lot “bigger” than me size-wise, but height-wise she’s petite (I’m 5’8”). DD4 has had some very cruel things to say about her weight, her too-tight leggings and her hair! Plus the day she turned up and paid us that delightful visit she was wearing tiny ballerina-type shoes. In snow that was more than ankle-deep. Very strange. Maybe he’s decided he prefers shorter women. Who knows.

Changing my name feels even bigger than divorcing almost. I’ve had it more than half my life and right now it’s a bit too big to consider. So stupid to think that on my wedding day I was so proud and pleased that I had my new name going forward. I’m not ruling anything out though.

Oh @Onthedunes I do want someone yes. But I want a lover too, not just a friend. I haven’t had sex in so long I’ve forgotten what goes where. Should I be past sex at my age?

I don’t have anything to look forward to in the summer if I’m honest. Normally there would be a holiday but of course that won’t happen this year. I had a tentative look at places over here but the prices are astronomical and the weather could be crap also. Still, there will be holidays next year. DD4’s last before university calls too. That’s hard to believe - where have those years gone?

DDs1 and 3 and I are going to Wembley on December 18th to see Il Divo but that seems so far away. We will stay in DD1’s new house and depending on how long we’re there might take DD3 sightseeing.

Ironing calls tomorrow. My least favourite job. Shopping delivery too. If it doesn’t rain I’ll get gardening again. Keep active.

x

Set fire to the ironing and go shopping instead. That will feel like a holiday.

Btw, You now sound like a supermodel, and OW a garden gnome.

Hi Legs, I'm just catching up with the last few days of the thread.
As I said in a couple of previous posts, I'm in EXACTLY the same position as you, same timings aswell.
I am waiting for one more certificate (country I live in you need other certificates too). It is literally in the post and I am tracking it as we speak!
So, I too will be filing in next couple of weeks.....
This is what I'm doing:
I have already written the letter which will tell him I've filed for divorce. I will print it and hand it to him/post in his letterbox, as I've realised if I email/text it, it can be manipulated..... I am already being accused of turning the children against him, so can't risk anything being turned against me by a judge (my kids are teenagers and currently don't want anything to do with their dad).
In the letter I am stating it's not what I want but I have been forced into it to protect mine and kids futures and I will be the one to tell the kids and will tell them it's clearly what he wants, not me.
I will state I can never forgive him for what he's done and how he's handled it.
I will state I cannot wish him happiness and tell him he will one day face the "banquet of consequences" and reap what he has sowed.

Could you do the same? It has helped me greatly to write my final parting words and I read the letter every day, just waiting to be able to send it. I may go and see him in person as I kind of feel like you do that it is the right thing to do. I will simply say "I feel I should tell you in person I have filed for divorce" and then I will hand him the letter and walk away..... I know you might not be able to do that but a letter to him expressing your very last final thoughts, including the words you pity him, might be the way forward for you? It's keeping me going and giving me strength at the moment knowing this is what I'm going to do.

I will also inform the in laws of what I have done, out of politeness I guess really.

Could you have a letter ready?