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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please hold my hand a bit longer - thread 2 -

996 replies

MoreLegsThanMe · 02/02/2021 00:23

I’m so grateful for all the help and support on thread 1.

Please help me keep going, especially at night. I’m not strong enough on my own.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
bluebell34567 · 02/02/2021 12:04

wouldnt it be weird if op starts divorce proceedings when he just had heart attack and in hospital?

FortunesFave · 02/02/2021 12:41

@bluebell34567

wouldnt it be weird if op starts divorce proceedings when he just had heart attack and in hospital?
Weird? How? No weirder than his upping and leaving her for a young woman the same age as their daughter!
DianeCherry · 02/02/2021 12:43

@bluebell34567not at all. The man has committed adultery and is living with another woman. What does a heart attack have to do with anything? OP's number one priority right now is her future security and that of her DCs. What's she supposed to do, sit around and wait? For what and until when? No way.

TJ17 · 02/02/2021 12:56

@bluebell34567

wouldnt it be weird if op starts divorce proceedings when he just had heart attack and in hospital?
Usually then yes maybe but under these specific circumstances he deserves nothing less, hospital or not!
JollyGreenGiantess · 02/02/2021 13:20

Absolutely financed should be the priority now. She will surely be encouraging him to nominate her as beneficiary

WalkingInTheAir13 · 02/02/2021 13:22

Excellent post from @LAMPS1 at 07:26

MoreLegs - you are not alone. You have many empathetic friends on hereThanks

BastardGoDarkly · 02/02/2021 14:25

I also agree with LAMPS

I hope you're doing ok today legs you were making progress, very slowly but very surely, you're getting there Flowers

lowbudgetnigella · 02/02/2021 14:49

Still here for you on the new thread, keep thinking about you snd how you are x

letsdolunch321 · 02/02/2021 15:51

I agree @LAMPS1 has posted some good advice.

My thoughts on dh having a heart attack is yes karma has started to bite his arse. Having had stents put in dh will probably make a full recovery/pull through.

Sadly, Dh never wanted you after falling for a 37yr old and made very little contact with Dcs over the past few weeks, he also I assume gave her details when admitted to hospital as his next of kin - which speaks volumes. Personally I would get the divorce rolling and not over analyse any of the situation.

Once dh is ready to leave hospital it will be her who makes the decisions as to whether she still wants to be with him or not.

Mix56 · 02/02/2021 16:32

OP, if you have access, please get copies of his bank balances/pensions/savings/life insurance/mortgage etc. ASAP, he may start moving money around.
This way you can prove when money has disappeared.

Chimpfield · 02/02/2021 17:42

Sending you hugs x

HazelBite · 02/02/2021 18:12

Op please don't have him back in order to look after him.

JustNotFunAnymore · 02/02/2021 19:23

Hope you're ok op x

WouldBeGood · 02/02/2021 21:05

Hope you’re ok @MoreLegsThanMe

Original poster
MoreLegsThanMe · 02/02/2021 21:54

Thank you, as always.

He sent a message today to say the doctor was happy with his echo and he was to be discharged. Apparently he can’t drive for a week - why he thought I’d care about that is beyond me.

He then told DD1 when he was back at his flat. She has told me that he won’t be hearing from her ever again. She had been upset yesterday because when I told her and the other DC she said she really felt very little, that as far as she was concerned he was dead anyway. She thought that made her a bad person. I convinced her it absolutely didn’t.

I had very mixed feelings when OW told me. I’m generally calm in a crisis anyway but I was totally okay with it - what did get to me was when I rang the hospital and I wasn’t listed as next of kin.

It helps that all the DC feel exactly the same way. None of them were tearful, scared, anything like that. It also helps that I told him what would happen with the DC and he didn’t believe me. He really genuinely seemed to think he’d just carry on as before, but just live with someone else.

OP posts:
WouldBeGood · 02/02/2021 22:07

That’s exactly what mine thought. Reality has come as a shock to him.

Well done on managing this and looking out for your dcs

Onthedunes · 02/02/2021 22:18

By the sounds of it, I wouldn't book too many funeral cars when that time comes op, he's burnt too many bridges.

Deluded idiot.

Brenna24 · 02/02/2021 22:36

Well done on getting through another hard day. I agree that you need to start the ball rolling re divorce proceedings shortly. Then you can block him and her and only have to deal with the drama when it affects your children.

Icanflyhigh · 02/02/2021 22:40

What an awful development for you OP, I can't say I blame the DCs responses but that doesn't make it any easier for you.

Ignore the troll hunting from previously, some folk have nothing better to do.

We're all still here for you, just keep talking as you want/need to x

Onthedunes · 02/02/2021 22:42

Or at least re write your will, but you know that being a legal beagle.

Hope you are ok tonight op, remember look after yourself and the dc's, don't worry about him.

Flowers
Original poster
MoreLegsThanMe · 02/02/2021 22:57

Thank you.

The loneliness is the worst thing, and it always hits around now. It’s like clockwork. The thoughts of them together.

Does it ever go away? I can’t do this for the rest of my life.

OP posts:
Queenoftheashes · 02/02/2021 22:58

What an absolute bastard. Swift karma though.

Noshowlomo · 02/02/2021 22:59

I’m so sorry OP. I didn’t watch your other thread so can’t find an update to what he’s done now? Can someone explain as I can’t find it.
I get the gist. He’s an utter bastard.

Blimeyoreilly2020 · 02/02/2021 23:09

Oh op, everything is always magnified at night. The silence just seems to exacerbate everything. It will lessen with time, it won’t be like this for ever. Keep going, you will get there. Sending hugs.

FortunesFave · 02/02/2021 23:11

@MoreLegsThanMe

Thank you.

The loneliness is the worst thing, and it always hits around now. It’s like clockwork. The thoughts of them together.

Does it ever go away? I can’t do this for the rest of my life.

Of course it will go away. It's incredibly early days. The thing is, your ideas of your future have been wiped away now...and you're being forced to rethink everything.

It won't change overnight but gradually. He's with her yes...but in all likelyhood she won't hang around. She's ended up with a man who can't get it up and now has a dodgy heart...her initial thrill won't last...HIS won't either...because now he has to deal with the psychological effects of his heart attack...and they're often significant...he'll be feeling old and useless and weak...it's emasculating enough for him that he had to have a penis implant and now he knows he's also aging....

He'll probably get insecure and needy and she won't like that. Bet you.

Tell me OP....what personal dreams have you always had that you haven't yet fulfilled?