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Original poster

Do I expect too much? Sex and relationship advice for a male

822 replies

Ac198 · 01/02/2021 16:16

Hi

I am a 35 yo male. Been with my female partner for about 10 years. No kids. Both work. We have a nice house.

We have sex maybe 2 times a week. But its boring. I can tell my girlfriend is not enjoying it and doing it as a favour to me which I have.

We do the same position and she wants it over ASAP.

I have a strong sex drive and lots of sexual fantasies. For instance I would like her to give me oral sex and then kiss me, I would like to have sex on the sofa and around the house. Maybe dress up or wear sexy underwear.

We have regimental boring sex. I would do anything sexual for her, so I'm not selfish in that respect. But she does not want me to touch her that way. If I rub her she says she doesn't like the feeling. She is happy to cuddle.

Am I expecting to much? Is this how life is? I feel totally unsatisfied everyday. I have previous partners where sex was great and we both had freedom to express ourselves.

We argue a fair bit about various things. For me it boils down to serial frustration. But I can barely mention it to her. She says I'm lucky to have sex 2 or 3 times a week. But its over too quick. No foreplay and no after play.

If I could walk out and not have a messy split with the mortgage and be set up in a new home I would.

But our friendship, lovely home, fear of being single and covid keep me here.

I love her as a person still as well. But my attraction to her is less as I feel she is not attracted to me.

Please offer your thoughts and advice?

OP posts:
LouJ85 · 03/02/2021 12:54

@aSofaNearYou

It might also be an interest thing. If you don't read about or discuss feminism daily, you won't come across it.

Maybe, although personally I don't feel I seek that sort of thing out, it is just there as part of the zeitgeist to me, so it was somewhat surprising to me that a few posters hadn't heard of it at all. That's why I theorised about demographics, because I am very aware of the power of targeted advertisement. But anyway, it's a pointless derail, just an interesting thought.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do OP!

Ahh yes. I see what you're saying. Perhaps you're right.
Silverthorny · 03/02/2021 13:20

Grin love the way mumsnetters flock to the aid of an intelligent sounding male poster - whose relationship could potentially be ending...

Silverthorny · 03/02/2021 13:21

....particularly a sex starved male poster...

LittleBoPeep95 · 03/02/2021 13:23

Well this has escalated. I agree with absloutley everything @LouJ85 is saying.

LittleBoPeep95 · 03/02/2021 13:26

love the way mumsnetters flock to the aid of an intelligent sounding male poster - whose relationship could potentially be ending...

Flock to his aid? By telling him he doesn't have to put up with unsatisfactory sex for the rest of his life?

Silverthorny · 03/02/2021 13:26

.....and then all have a fight...

LouJ85 · 03/02/2021 13:36

@LittleBoPeep95

Well this has escalated. I agree with absloutley everything *@LouJ85* is saying.

Well that's refreshing! Least someone gets it. Smile

LouJ85 · 03/02/2021 13:38

@LittleBoPeep95

*love the way mumsnetters flock to the aid of an intelligent sounding male poster - whose relationship could potentially be ending...*

Flock to his aid? By telling him he doesn't have to put up with unsatisfactory sex for the rest of his life?

You're NEVER allowed to have any empathy with a male viewpoint on MN, don't you know. The second you dare to, you're "falling over yourselves", "desperate" to impress them (despite being in a long term happy relationship with a baby on the way 😂), and you clearly hate all women. Amen.

LouJ85 · 03/02/2021 13:40

It also an interesting observation that I have been accused of "belittling" and being "rude", and yet not one of my posts has been deleted for violating those particular rules. Whereas the poster accusing me of this, has had one of hers deleted. 🤔

Silverthorny · 03/02/2021 13:43

@LouJ85 Wink have you pmed him yet? What’s he like?

Lelophants · 03/02/2021 13:43

Sex/couples therapy. She needs to realise it's serious.

LouJ85 · 03/02/2021 13:43

@Silverthorny

Grin love the way mumsnetters flock to the aid of an intelligent sounding male poster - whose relationship could potentially be ending...

Yes. It MUST be because they want to have sex with him, mustn't it! Despite never having seen him or met him, being in a long term happy relationship, and 7 months pregnant. It couldn't possibly, possibly be that some women just have different viewpoints and experiences and find it easy to relate to some men. Not at all.

Do the women who are flocking to the aid of the soon to be single OP's partner wish to have a lesbian relationship with her, too? Or are they just expressing their views? Hmmm. I'd go with the latter.

🤔

Silverthorny · 03/02/2021 13:44

I’m JOKING! It’s just 32 PAGES!! Grin

LouJ85 · 03/02/2021 13:45

[quote Silverthorny]@LouJ85 Wink have you pmed him yet? What’s he like?[/quote]

😂😂😂
It's been 7 years since I "PM'd" a bloke, thanks. I've got all I need at home. And more. But thank you for your curiosity and for that much needed laugh out loud.

LouJ85 · 03/02/2021 13:46

@Silverthorny

I’m JOKING! It’s just 32 PAGES!! Grin

😂 it did give me a laugh to be fair.
I mean Christ alive, first off, who chooses a man based on MN who they can't see to know if they'll fancy them? And secondly, who does that at 7 months pregnant (to a man she loves more than anything in the world), whilst feeling like a whale and the least sexy she's ever felt in her life? 😂😂

LouJ85 · 03/02/2021 13:49

@Silverthorny

Also, as a side note, I have literally not a clue how to PM anyone on this site! Never felt the need to do it.

Silverthorny · 03/02/2021 13:51

@LouJ85 hormones? Wistful longing for a bit of fun? Fantasy? I’ve drawn a picture in my mind of OP already...

I am on the wind up - please ignore me...

LouJ85 · 03/02/2021 13:53

[quote Silverthorny]@LouJ85 hormones? Wistful longing for a bit of fun? Fantasy? I’ve drawn a picture in my mind of OP already...

I am on the wind up - please ignore me...[/quote]

😂
No need for longing. I'm regularly having lots of "fun" at home despite my heavily pregnant state. But you are funny...your comments have lightened up the thread which I think was needed!

Silverthorny · 03/02/2021 13:59

@LouJ85 that’s impressive, DP has had precisely zilch since I conceived DS who is now nearly 2. Unless he’s off getting it elsewhere...

LouJ85 · 03/02/2021 14:04

[quote Silverthorny]@LouJ85 that’s impressive, DP has had precisely zilch since I conceived DS who is now nearly 2. Unless he’s off getting it elsewhere...[/quote]
@Silverthorny

Well I can't speak for what might happen after baby is born, I imagine sleep deprivation and mum duties will take over so I can't see it being a priority then. But... at the moment my hormones are haywire. He's taken to sleeping in the spare room just to get a break from me 😂 (joke - but he did joke about it)

Anyway ... we are derailing and might get told off. 😬

LittleBoPeep95 · 03/02/2021 14:15

You never know @LouJ85, I have four kids and I still have a very active sex life, things don't always go south after having a baby Wink

Silverthorny · 03/02/2021 14:16

Wink hope you continue to have fun - and best wishes with your lovely baby! Xx

Silenceisgolden20 · 03/02/2021 14:17

To be honest, you don't know who is on the other side of a thread and what it true based on what is written.

You don't even know if it is really a man, made up, whatever it is.
This is an anonymous forum.

OnePlantTooMany · 03/02/2021 14:25

Leave the poor woman alone. I'm guessing she's got a full on job and other things to think about than you whining at her, M.

LouJ85 · 03/02/2021 14:27

@LittleBoPeep95 that's very encouraging and gives me hope!

And @Silverthorny thank you! Smile