How long do I wait for him?

[outofreachsofar]

We were together for 5 years.
We didn't live together and have no children.
I seen him twice a week.
One night he came over and was acting different..he told me he wanted to end it and wasn't in love with me anymore.
I text him every day (and he replied ) we have met up since and I grabbed his phone..he had been texting another woman.
I deleted her number from his phone and text her telling her he had a GF
She then blocked him.
This was November.
I have lost my temper with him when he doesn't check in with me.
The thing is he has never really experienced love.
He isn't from a loving family.
I know he loves me,he wants to be with me but is scared of something.
I told him he will regret this soon and realise how much I loved him.
How long do I wait for him?
We text daily(mostly me initiating ) but I'm trying not to kick off at him.
What is he scared of?
Commitment ?

So basically I'm behaving like a bunny boiler
Some times you need the harsh truth don't you

Batshit crazy. You not him.

Well firstly 5 years and only seeing each other twice a week isn't really a relationship, I spend more time with my mother.

Secondly, if this was a man posting we'd be calling him abusive, this is harassing behaviour, he broke up with you. If you want to "wait" that's fine, crack on, but you need to do it in silence and leave him alone!

Abusive ?
What is abusive about anything I've done ?

Harassing him. Claiming no one could love him like you do. Taking his phone off of him and deleting his contacts.

@outofreachsofar losing your temper with him and then not leaving him alone when he's broken up with you! Imagine how stifling that must feel.

I think it’s time to accept that it is over. He sounds like he is moving on. Work on your own self esteem and self worth. Perceived love can make people behave strangely. This isn’t love and you will never trust him. Move on

I am cringing for you. Your behaviour is embarrassing.

Please block his number and don't text him again. He finished with you months ago and you are still pestering him every day. Please have some pride.

Also, and I say this as kindly as I can, a 5 year relationship where you don't live together and just meet up twice a week is one that's not really going anywhere. He didn't want to be with you. Ever.

Find some dignity and move on, you are chasing him and putting it all on a plate for him. He's using you. Move on and find someone who is ready to be all in a relationship with you, someone who deserves you. It's tough but you will look back one day and wonder why you wasted so much time on that situation. You are in a wonderful situation where you are free to move onwards and upwards, life's to short to waste your time and energy on a person who treats you like this x

The answer to your question is you don't wait for him. I doubt he's waiting for you. Learn from this: New chapter....

I think it's all about knowing your worth. I personally think you need to give him space and plenty of it. One thing I have learnt is you don't wait. Life doesn't stand still just because your waiting for someone to come to there senses and realize they love you after all. It just doesn't simply work that way. It continues to move forward as should you. I don't think you had any right to take his phone, deleting numbers. I can understand you were hurt. But it's back to self worth. Dignity. You have to walk away. So do it with your head held high. Not angry and pissed off or pleading( like I did). It took me a long time to learn so much and I'm still learning, but I'm getting stronger and you will to. But time and space is needed here.

@outofreachsofar

I said to him "you do realise one day your gonna regret this ? And realise how stupid you've been" He said I know So he knows that he is making a stupid decision. I just think if he really wanted me out of his life he would have blocked me.

This is insane

Are you together or just you text him every day?

Why does he have to be afraid of anything? Many people just enjoy the single life. If he doesn't want commitment and you do, move on already.

It’s really hard when you love someone who doesn’t love you but pretty much everyone has been there and the pain does pass.

Do NOT wait for him. Apart from anything, you need more self respect than to wait for someone who’s finished with you. There’s nothing to wait for. He won’t regret ending it and he’s not coming back. As PP have said, the fact that 5 years in you were still just meeting a couple of times a week shows that the relationship was going nowhere. My sister was in a relationship like that and ended it after 5 years because it was going nowhere. Both she and her ex have subsequently married other people.

You need to leave him alone now - completely - and focus on yourself now. Give yourself some time to heal. As far as possible in these times, do things you enjoy doing and pamper yourself a bit. Maybe also look at why you’ve been willing to settle for crumbs for so long. Life is not a dress rehearsal - this is your one shot. Don’t waste it on men who won’t commit.

No man is a prize. Not a single one of them is worth any effort it takes to win them over.

If it’s right it will just be right, there is no need to force it.

@outofreachsofar

I said to him "you do realise one day your gonna regret this ? And realise how stupid you've been" He said I know So he knows that he is making a stupid decision. I just think if he really wanted me out of his life he would have blocked me.

He's just saying what he thinks you want to hear to have an easy life.

@Inaseagull

He is scared of you, you sound like a bunny boiler.

Couldn’t have put it better myself!!

@CausingChaos2

The hills are that way ————>>>

You deserve someone who doesn’t cheat on you. While you’re chasing him you’re missing out on the chance to meet someone better.

He didn’t cheat on her- he broke up with her.

I must be honest

I read this through again because I was confused

You really have been abusive and he might be a bit scared of you. You sound ready to turn up at his place and put a brick through the window.

Stop being so horrendously awful.

Apologies! I see he did cheat on op! Sorry op- he’s a knob and you sound a little unhinged.

Are you forgetting he was messaging another woman behind my back for months?
Asking to take her on a date whilst we were still together.
Yet somehow I'm the one in the wrong

Grabbing his phone, deleting a number, texting a woman you have never met, telling him he is making a mistake, thinking no one in the whole wide world could ever possibly love him like you do, obsessing about him is really unhealthy. What exactly is it you want him to do. What are you hoping will happen.

Your behaviour is insane.

Cop on. Have some dignity. Stop being so controlling.

Crikey!

OP, I only know what you have typed and you sound scary!

It doesn't matter how much you love him, he doesn't have to love you back and he has told you that he does not.

He hasn't cheated on you, he has tried to move on with his life.... whilst being too weak/nice/scared/much it a knob to make you see it.

For your own sake, stop. Just stop. Pretend he moved to Outer Space. Leave him alone.

Get on with your real life. Stop chasing one he has told you does not exist.

But most of all, be nice yourself and move on from this.

@outofreachsofar

Are you forgetting he was messaging another woman behind my back for months? Asking to take her on a date whilst we were still together. Yet somehow I'm the one in the wrong

You’re in the wrong now.

He was in the wrong then.