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Original poster

How long do I wait for him?

178 replies

outofreachsofar · 01/02/2021 11:43

We were together for 5 years.
We didn't live together and have no children.
I seen him twice a week.
One night he came over and was acting different..he told me he wanted to end it and wasn't in love with me anymore.
I text him every day (and he replied ) we have met up since and I grabbed his phone..he had been texting another woman.
I deleted her number from his phone and text her telling her he had a GF
She then blocked him.
This was November.
I have lost my temper with him when he doesn't check in with me.
The thing is he has never really experienced love.
He isn't from a loving family.
I know he loves me,he wants to be with me but is scared of something.
I told him he will regret this soon and realise how much I loved him.
How long do I wait for him?
We text daily(mostly me initiating ) but I'm trying not to kick off at him.
What is he scared of?
Commitment ?

OP posts:
rattlemehearties · 01/02/2021 15:55

I have read all your posts and don't understand what you are waiting for OP? Nothing to wait for - you aren't together and he doesn't want to be. Have a cry to yourself (don't contact him FFS) and move on.

CuppaZa · 01/02/2021 15:58

@outofreachsofar he finished it. Leave him alone. It’s so glaringly obvious to everyone except you that he doesn’t want you anymore.
Please stop acting crazy. You could end up in trouble

GoodbyeH · 01/02/2021 15:59

@outofreachsofar

I worded that wrong. All I meant was I love him and he means the world to me. So if he's looking for someone to love him,I'm here ,I love him
I know you love him. But he doesn't love you. It's time to let that soak in now OP or you will drive yourself crazy.

He is welcome to love who he wants.

TheChip · 01/02/2021 15:59

Your love is not what he wants. Accept that and move on

DogsSausages · 01/02/2021 16:00

But he is not looking for someone to love him, he cannot do that because you wont let him, if he wanted to marry you, have kids, move in together it would have happened by now.

HappyFlamingo · 01/02/2021 16:00

But he's not just looking for someone who loves him OP. He's also looking for someone he loves.

He doesn't love you. You can't make him love you.

Hottielottie · 01/02/2021 16:02

OP ....

I worded that wrong.
All I meant was I love him and he means the world to me.
So if he's looking for someone to love him,I'm here ,I love him

You try to exclude previous talk of crazies then come out with the above completely OTT next level crazy!

WTAFBlush

Take a long hard look at what you've written here.

You really are a new level of crazy op. I suggest you take a little time out from this situation.

Wanderlusto · 01/02/2021 16:03

Think of it this way op, imagine the guy next door falls in love with you. He is totally smitten. Does that mean he is a suitable partner for you? Does that mean you should drop all your wants and needs and just date him? Of course not.

So you love him, so what? That isnt worth anything to him if he doesnt want to be with you anymore. Love isnt valuable like gold. Its more like coal-only useful if you have matches and a desire to start a fire. He has neither.

lanbro · 01/02/2021 16:03

When I told my xh I didn't love him anymore it was at the very end as I knew once I said it there was no gong back...I'm not sure why you'd want to be with someone who said that to you?!

AliceMcK · 01/02/2021 16:07

@Inaseagull

He is scared of you, you sound like a bunny boiler.
I second this!
Pesimistic · 01/02/2021 16:07

All of what your saying in regards to 'i know he loves me, wsnt to be with me' is rubbish he doesn't and wouldn't have treated you like he has if he did. You need to realise this and move on

Eviebeans · 01/02/2021 16:12

A Christmas where we can all legally celebrate with family will be here before he decides to come back. Stop trying to be with someone who grinds your gears so badly that it makes you do bizarre things like grabbing his phone and deleting numbers - I'm guessing you're not 14 and should be past that drama

trevthecat · 01/02/2021 16:13

He doesn't love you. He has said that. He was texting someone else, because he doesn't love you. You sound insane. Stop.

Graphista · 01/02/2021 16:14

I know he loves me,he wants to be with me but is scared of something

Sorry but you're kidding yourself.

He cheated, send him on his way, he's messed you about and played juvenile games. Move on

but I just can't think what else it is.

Seriously - go read/watch "he's just not that into you"

I think you would also benefit from personal therapy

He doesn't love you, stop flogging a horse that's not only dead but cremated!

5128gap · 01/02/2021 16:20

OP, the world is awash with not that great men who cheat and let you down, who you can give all your love to and get little back from.
If that's what you want you can replace him in a heartbeat.

Londontown12 · 01/02/2021 16:28

He said ‘ he didn’t love u anymore ‘ I think that’s pretty clear

marshmallowfluffy · 01/02/2021 16:39

You are acting like a crazed stalker.
If I knew him I'd tell him to block you and contact the police.
Stop contacting him. Leave him alone and let him find someone new (or stay single)
Are you sure that this isn't a reverse?

DianaT1969 · 01/02/2021 16:39

He could hire a plane to write it in the sky? He could take out a commercial on TV. "We're over. Sorry, I don't love you". Would it be enough?
Aim your Cupid's arrow at someone else OP.

visitorfromtheplanetzog · 01/02/2021 16:40

@outofreachsofar

I worded that wrong. All I meant was I love him and he means the world to me. So if he's looking for someone to love him,I'm here ,I love him
It doesn't matter how much you love him. That is not going to make him love you back.
dancingbymyself · 01/02/2021 16:45

You could love him more than anyone on the planet, but he needs to love you back.

Instead he only wanted to see you twice a week, your relationship didn't progress in 5 years, and he was texting another woman.

I'm sorry OP, but you need to put this level of energy into moving on.

pictish · 01/02/2021 16:46

“I know he loves me,he wants to be with me but is scared of something.”

He doesn’t, he doesn’t and he isn’t. He has finished with you precisely because he doesn’t. I’m so sorry but however much you want your feelings to be reciprocated, he won’t live to regret it and he won’t be back.
Come on lovely, this is no good for you.

Redflaggs · 01/02/2021 16:46

He keeps you around like some old slippers, but He's not into you.

You sound controlling and desperate.

Having a bad back ground doesn't mean you don't know love.

Your obsessed with working out why he's not interested, it's simple ' he doesn't have to do anything your still there!

This situation will get no better. When a women comes along that he likes he will block you. He will move on. Until then this is what you have.

Ninkanink · 01/02/2021 16:50

He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t want to be with you. You need to accept that and move on.

Just because you love him very much doesn’t mean he has to love you back or want to be with you.

That’s the harsh truth, but you need to understand it.

marshmallowfluffy · 01/02/2021 16:51

@Taikoo

No means no.

If you were a man, you'd probably get yourself arrested.

^^ This

It doesn't matter why he wants to break up. He might want to shag other women, be single or is bored of you - he doesn't need a reason but not loving you is reason enough. I'm guessing from your post that you can be very intense and full on. Maybe he wants to be free of that feeling or being controlled by you.

He told you that he knew he'd regret it to shut you up. He might be one of those guys who replies to your texts because he feels sorry for you and doesn't want to feel like a bad guy but he's fueling your craziness.

Let him go. You deserve to be happy and chasing after this man can't be making you feel good.

Littlepaws18 · 01/02/2021 17:03

OMG

Disaster!!!!!

He cheated on you, he dumped you after, he said he's scared

He doesn't want to be with you! If he's still with you it's because
A. He doesn't know how to dump you effectively.

B. He is using you for a ride until someone better shows up.

He is not with you because he loves you. And you aren't with him because you love him. You are with him because you are scared of being alone.

This does not have a fairy tale ending. And rather than worrying if he is making a mistake, I would start thinking about the waste the past 5 years has been- and not to waste a second longer!

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