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Original poster

How long do I wait for him?

178 replies

outofreachsofar · 01/02/2021 11:43

We were together for 5 years.
We didn't live together and have no children.
I seen him twice a week.
One night he came over and was acting different..he told me he wanted to end it and wasn't in love with me anymore.
I text him every day (and he replied ) we have met up since and I grabbed his phone..he had been texting another woman.
I deleted her number from his phone and text her telling her he had a GF
She then blocked him.
This was November.
I have lost my temper with him when he doesn't check in with me.
The thing is he has never really experienced love.
He isn't from a loving family.
I know he loves me,he wants to be with me but is scared of something.
I told him he will regret this soon and realise how much I loved him.
How long do I wait for him?
We text daily(mostly me initiating ) but I'm trying not to kick off at him.
What is he scared of?
Commitment ?

OP posts:
smoothchange · 01/02/2021 13:38

I found texts going on months to this woman.

Why the fuck would you even want him back Confused

Snookie00 · 01/02/2021 13:46

You sound crazed. Have you always been this controlling in the relationship or is this a new thing? Why are you so persistently trying to keep him in your life when he has told you he doesn’t want you? He has mentally checked out even if he retains contact through cowardice or laziness. Please take a step back, block him and work towards rebuilding your self esteem - you shouldn’t need to bully someone into being a part of your life.

Taikoo · 01/02/2021 13:59

No means no.

If you were a man, you'd probably get yourself arrested.

GoodbyeH · 01/02/2021 14:01

[quote outofreachsofar]@villamariavintrapp no
He ended it and the day after I grabbed his phone as I suspected he had been cheating.
I found texts going on months to this woman.
Saying he was going to end it with me etc
So obviously I was angry and deleted her number then text her [/quote]
In that case, you know have to be really strong of mind and move on. He cheated on you. And has said your not together anymore. Be strong OP and don't text him again.

Original poster
outofreachsofar · 01/02/2021 14:47

There is just this voice in my head that feels after that many years he might realise how stupid he has been.
He will never find anyone who loves him as much as I do.

OP posts:
Pinkflipflop85 · 01/02/2021 14:52

Stop. Just stop.

peboh · 01/02/2021 14:55

It's not happening op. Just move forward and get on with your life. Maybe one day he will regret it, but given what you've told us I highly doubt that is going to happen.

smoothchange · 01/02/2021 14:59

@outofreachsofar

There is just this voice in my head that feels after that many years he might realise how stupid he has been. He will never find anyone who loves him as much as I do.

He is not the stupid one here.

Bumblebee1980a · 01/02/2021 15:24

@outofreachsofar

There is just this voice in my head that feels after that many years he might realise how stupid he has been. He will never find anyone who loves him as much as I do.
I really don't like this.

"He won't find anyone who loves him as much as I do".

I remember a member of my family being in an abusive relationship (he use to hit her) and this is one of the things he use to say to her.

Not a nice thing to say to someone. How do you know no one will love him like you do. That's a very controlling thing to say.

TheChip · 01/02/2021 15:27

The most famous lines of every abuser. "You will never find anyone who loves you like I do"

Jesskir89 · 01/02/2021 15:30

Op it's hard i know I've been there but you need to let go. I've embarrassed myself in the past by mithering someone ringing him at daft o'clock etc and its not healthy and you will regret it. Keep yourself busy and don't text him please

Unicornamy · 01/02/2021 15:37

Op I’m so sorry but you sound like an abuser when you say no one will ever love him like you do.
What will it take for you to move on? I’d recommend going on a dating site and get distracted!

DogsSausages · 01/02/2021 15:39

Stop making a fool of yourself and leave the poor man alone, he will never find someone else if you keep bothering and obsessing about him, if you truly love and care about him you will accept you are just not meant to be together and you both deserve a happier future with other people.

Bumblebee1980a · 01/02/2021 15:39

OP are you listening to any of this advice? You haven't really acknowledge anything anyone has said.

5128gap · 01/02/2021 15:40

Seriously, there is no happiness in being the one who 'loves more' just a lifetime of insecurity and giving and not getting back what you need and deserve.
Far better focusing on finding someone who loves you, rather than on someone you love more than anyone else will.

visitorfromtheplanetzog · 01/02/2021 15:41

Stop this OP. Just stop.

You cannot make someone else love you.

Itstimetoquit · 01/02/2021 15:43

Hes ended it,he doesn't want you,he's probably already seeing the other women,why would you want a cheat anyway have some respect for urself

CheddarGorgeous · 01/02/2021 15:45

So obviously I was angry and deleted her number then text her

This is not obvious at all. This is bonkers.

It doesn't matter how much you love him. He doesn't want to be with you. And that is a decision he is entirely free to make.

PrawnCorset · 01/02/2021 15:46

@outofreachsofar

There is just this voice in my head that feels after that many years he might realise how stupid he has been. He will never find anyone who loves him as much as I do.
In the nicest possible way, that's irrelevant if he doesn't love you, or want to be in a relationship with you.

He's told you he doesn't love you, has been at least texting, if not actually seeing another woman, and ended things between you. Whatever you may think of his actions, he's been quite clear. Why do you think he's being 'stupid' and doesn't mean it?

GoodbyeH · 01/02/2021 15:46

@outofreachsofar

There is just this voice in my head that feels after that many years he might realise how stupid he has been. He will never find anyone who loves him as much as I do.
Oooooh OP. Wrong way to think about this!

That's quite an inward way of thinking. I know you want to be right and want things your way. But you need to get some therapy or at least talk to some close to you in real life. Work out how you came to this conclusion.

Take care of yourself. Have a positive mantra and only speak positively to yourself (easier said then done, I know!) and you will see how selfish this way of thinking is.

Fuckityfucksake · 01/02/2021 15:51

OP you are hanging on the edge of crazy here!
He does not want to be with you.
He (you suspect/have some proof of) was cheating during your relationship.
He's told you he's done.
There's nothing left.
You can't force someone to want to be with you.
Leave him alone. It's done.
I do agree with others about the abusive comment too, I've heard this from not 1 but 2 abusive bastards in my past - like a fucking mantra in order to get me back in line.
Re evaluate the facts and your attitude and move on, hopefully before he reports you to the police.

Wanderlusto · 01/02/2021 15:51

Fucking hell op. I'd be terrified if I were him.

Maybe it's just your word choice but you sound as if you dont think no means no if its said to you.

You were over and yet you used his phone to text another woman to say he had a gf? Wow. You have no respect for him or his boundaries.

You need to be single rn and do some self work. Because none of the way you are talking about him (as if he doesnt have free will of his own or the right to respect and privacy) is ok.

I think you may need to see a councillor as it sounds like you may be suffering from an u detlying personality disorder. I dont mean this in a nasty way, it's just the things you have said could indicate you are needing mental support for something like undiagnosed bpd.

Wanderlusto · 01/02/2021 15:52

*underlying

Original poster
outofreachsofar · 01/02/2021 15:54

I worded that wrong.
All I meant was I love him and he means the world to me.
So if he's looking for someone to love him,I'm here ,I love him

OP posts:
Hottielottie · 01/02/2021 15:55

""I know he loves me,he wants to be with me but is scared of something""

That old chestnut eh Hmm

So scared he runs off into the arms of another woman?!

There is a book 'Maybe he just isn't that into you' by Greg Benrendt.

I suggest you read it OP.

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