How long do I wait for him?

[outofreachsofar]

We were together for 5 years.
We didn't live together and have no children.
I seen him twice a week.
One night he came over and was acting different..he told me he wanted to end it and wasn't in love with me anymore.
I text him every day (and he replied ) we have met up since and I grabbed his phone..he had been texting another woman.
I deleted her number from his phone and text her telling her he had a GF
She then blocked him.
This was November.
I have lost my temper with him when he doesn't check in with me.
The thing is he has never really experienced love.
He isn't from a loving family.
I know he loves me,he wants to be with me but is scared of something.
I told him he will regret this soon and realise how much I loved him.
How long do I wait for him?
We text daily(mostly me initiating ) but I'm trying not to kick off at him.
What is he scared of?
Commitment ?

Honestly, he won't regret it. He said "I know" to get you off his back

What would have happened if he said he wouldn't regret it?

I'd of said the same to get you off my back.

@outofreachsofar

I said to him "you do realise one day your gonna regret this ? And realise how stupid you've been" He said I know So he knows that he is making a stupid decision. I just think if he really wanted me out of his life he would have blocked me.

He would say this. He's sparing your feelings.

You sound unhinged tbh. It sounds like he's agreeing with you to get rid. Stop stalking him.

Your behaviour is very controlling.

He doesn't love you. He doesn't want to be with you.
Walk away.

Op you need to leave him alone.

You wouldn't want someone to control how you feel, don't control him. He has broken up with you, you might think it's the wrong decision, but it is his choise.

You need to face the pain and move on without contacting him at all. Block and delete, so you don't feel tempted.

He ended your relationship.

He hadn't moved it forward in the five years you were seeing each other.

He'd gotten involved with another woman before he ended it.

You say it's mostly you initiating contact now.

He may not be cutting you off completely because he's trying to.be civilised and moderate.

He might have slight doubts but he was prepared to end the relationship a d dud end it, even before you discovered he was involved with another woman.

He just doesn't sound committed or interested enough.

Don't waste anymore time on him.

It's not what you want to hear but ...

He's broken up with you.

It doesn't matter how long you'd been together, your expectations of the relationship, his background or your perception of his reasons for ending it.

He's chosen to end it. That's all that matters.

Leave him alone.

Leave the poor fucker alone before you end up with police involvement and a possible criminal record.

Give your head a wobble. Delete his number. Seek therapy.

Also - why he replies to.your contact - when someone rwacts badly to being finished with (which most people do to be fair) and doesn't want to finish .. the person finishing often does it softly softly/slowly slowly .. because they don't want their ex to go mental, get really really upset etc. They think if they do it in stages, as such, the ed will get used to the idea and it's not as hard

Actually it often leads the ex to think there's hope fir the relationship, and is counter productive. He may be doing that, thinking it's easier on you but it's not.

The thing is he has never really experienced love.
He isn't from a loving family.

These are classic excuses people make for people who don't want to continue (or get into a relationship) with them .. They're "scared of emotion, scared of love, emotionally dysfunctional, had a loveless upbringing" etc etc.

They're just excuses. And even if they were true (unlikely) that means they're not good relationship material and would just keep.messkng you about. Do you want that with kids involved, for example.

So he dumped you and started seeing other women, you grabbed his phone and deleted their numbers, and now you're waiting for..? I'd move along now!

If he does regret ending your relationships; he knows where to find you.

But you'll probably have moved on by that point.

There’s nothing to wait for he’s ended it with you. He’s moved on you need to do the same

@villamariavintrapp no
He ended it and the day after I grabbed his phone as I suspected he had been cheating.
I found texts going on months to this woman.
Saying he was going to end it with me etc
So obviously I was angry and deleted her number then text her

[quote outofreachsofar]@villamariavintrapp no
He ended it and the day after I grabbed his phone as I suspected he had been cheating.
I found texts going on months to this woman.
Saying he was going to end it with me etc
So obviously I was angry and deleted her number then text her [/quote]
I don't think he's scared of commitment. I think he's scared of you.

Op, honestly - think about why you'd want him.

He's a cheater, he didn't have to cheat on you, he could've ended the relationship before getting involved with her.

He's not committed.hed probably only do the sane thing again.

He's not trustworthy.

If the guy said he doesnt love then he doesnt love you. What the actual fuck am i reading? You told the other woman he had a gf, but he didnt because he'd finished with you? Wow!!

He is wasting your time. Stop finding excuses for him and trying to analyse his behaviour. Get rid of him. 5 years is an awful long time to waste on a man if what you are after is long term commitment/a family.

As a wise Disney princess once said "let it go".

@Wellthatwassilly when he had been messaging her we were together

If he told you to your face he wasn't in love with you, why do you think he is? He's made it as obvious as he can.

It hurts when someone you love doesn't want to be with you anymore. It really really hurts. It's like grief.

Sometimes we just cannot deal with the fact that this person who we love just doesn't want to be with us anymore. We make excuses for them and read into anything they say. It's our defence mechanism.

You found out he was interested in another woman (and he had been texting her for months) and told her he was going to end it with you. You then grabbed the phone and deleted her number. In his eyes you made it easy for him to end it with you as he knew it was going to be difficult for you. You just made that step easier for him.

He said "I know" because he wanted to get you off his back. Sorry OP but he doesn't want to be in the relationship. You are just going to have to accept it. I feel bad for you. It sounds like you're in a bad place.

If you're not careful he will always come back to you and not because he loves you but because you're there when he needs someone. A bit like an old blanket or sock (sorry 🙈).

I'm not sure how old you are but I'd say don't waste your 20s on him when you should be focusing on yourself and who you are and what you want in life personally and professionally. Don't let him be your focus and forget yourself.

Stay strong and stop making excuses for him.

You've had some good advice on this thread OP, spend some time re-reading it later. I know it's hard to see sometimes, but your behaviour doesn't put you in the best light. Grabbing his phone, regardless of the reason, and texting a perfect stranger is uncalled for. You don't know the other person, or the story they have been told.

Putting aside all that - why do you even want him? He has openly admitted to cheating on you, doesn't spend much time with you, and clearly has little respect for you.

Thank your lucky stars to have only wasted 5 years and move on with your life and find something better. He's not worth it.